- Good afternoon internet! - Hi!
- [Man] You want a shot?
- [Zach] Yeah, I think we need a shot.
- [Ned] We need a shot, yeah.
- [Man] Alright.
- Cause we're drunk, but we could get more drunk.
You okay?
(laughing)
- [Ned] We are drunk,
and we're gonna have fast food options.
But fast food options that vegan people
can eat when they're drunk.
(bell ringing)
Other people have tasted vegan fast food,
but today we're doing it drunk because why not?
(rhythmic rock music)
- There is no vegan fast food.
- [Ned] It's impossible.
- Keith. - Uh-huh?
- Tell me, why are we suddenly interested
in looking into fast food vegan options?
- [Keith] So, the Try Guys are writing a book,
and in that book, I have taken the task of becoming a vegan.
When I'm drunk, I still want fast food.
But what can I eat when I'm drunk and vegan?
- Just to clarify, we're eating the vegan items on menus,
but we are not eating salads.
Why, Ned?
- Fuck salads.
- The first ingestible,
digestible!
(chuckling)
Wendy's! - Wendy's!
- [Keith] What do you think it is?
Just guess.
- Did the guy die?
- [Keith] Dave Thomas?
- [Eugene] Is he dead?
- I think he might?
- I think he died.
- Or, you know what, I think--
- Is Wendy dead?
- What do you think Wendy's has?
- I think she kinda looks like Emma Chamberlain.
Don't you think?
(chuckling) (buzzing)
- No! - Yes, she does, the freckles.
- Was Wendy a real person?
- Yes! - Was his daughter?
- It was his daughter. - She died?
- No, she's alive!
I keep saying she's alive!
- Is that why he made Wendy's?
- Baked potato!
- Plain baked potato.
What do you mean?
Salt.
Yeah.
- [Zach] Okay, you don't know this,
but Ned is the most voracious meat eater
in the history of meat eaters.
- Vegetables are a side!
Vegetables are not the main thing.
And it doesn't have to be beef,
it doesn't have to even to be chicken,
but it better god damn well be fish!
- [Keith] I'll do that, I'm in!
I also like to eat foods like this.
- They're baked potatoes.
- This is a pretty good potato.
- It is a good potato.
- Good potato.
- The vegan diet has changed me as a person,
which is very interesting.
I do crave plants.
- Out of four, one out of five plants.
I give the baked potato, four plants.
- I gave it four too.
I have actually seeked out baked potatoes at Wendy's.
I've seeked, seeked. - You mean sought out?
I've sought out.
(chuckling)
- Is this the only vegan thing at Wendy's?
Right, if you gotta feed your family, and you're vegan,
and you go to Wendy's,
all you can eat is fuckin' potato!
This is like the Irish famine all over again!
- Pretty sure it's the exact opposite.
The exact opposite of the famine.
- They didn't have potatoes?
- [Woman] No, they didn't have anything but potatoes.
(camera crew laughing)
- Zach, that was the famine.
It was a famine on potatoes.
- Mmm. - They had no potatoes.
- I thought they only had potatoes.
Oh, that means Wendy's is dope.
They got potatoes.
(laughing)
We solved the famine!
Chipotle!
- [Ned] Potle!
- [Keith] Chipotle!
Well, this is gonna win the whole day, because--
- Wow, I wasn't expecting Chipotle!
- Oh, most of it's vegan.
- I think that Chipotle's sofritas
are better than any meat that they have.
There, I said it!
- Whoa.
I'm excited now.
- Because it's the only thing at Chipotle
that doesn't give me diarrhea.
- Well, that, okay.
Now, you just totally unwound all your arguments.
- Oh shit, is this?
(bag rustling)
Where's the guacamole?
The fuck is going on?!
The guacamole, where's the guacamole?
- [Man] It's a dollar extra for guacamole.
- It's vegan.
Why would you buy chips and not guacamole?
Why does this always happen
in our drunk fast food taste tests?
Now we get no guacamole?
No guacamole?
- Salsa.
Are you still mad about the guacamole?
- So pissed off.
Chipotle loses.
- Bam.
- Look how fat this is!
- This a bid ol' fat burrito.
- Is this a gordita, am I about to crunch?
- Yeah.
- Wait is there guacamole inside of the burrito?
- Oh, the day has been saved.
- How do I get the whole burrito
in my mouth at the same?
- You just shove it all in.
(snapping)
- Yeah, sofritas.
- I mean, it just tastes like any other Chipotle burrito.
- This is amazing.
- Oh, my God.
- Let me try.
- Five plants from this guy.
- Oh, my God.
- Six plants. - Six plants!
- This breaks the meter!
- It's off the scale.
- Mmm-hmm.
- [Woman] How many plants?
- Fuckin' a billion.
- Six.
- Six billon.
- I feel like Chipotle sauce
should just be on a scale of how much it makes you diarrhea.
- I can put the sauce in my dip.
What's with the diarrhea?
- Have you ever been to a Chipotle?
- Does everything give you diarrhea?
- Yes!
- Oh, God, your life sounds so hard.
- It is!
I need a drink.
- Yeah, I actually also, could I get more whiskey?
Please.
- [Zach] Oh fuck!
Yes.
- [Keith] Oh, what?
- [Zach] Baby girl, yes.
- [Keith] Girl.
- [Zach] Hash browns is the great,
McDonald's hash browns
is the greatest fast food of all fast foods.
I know I've been talking--
- No, I completely agree with you.
The greatest of all time, of all time.
McDonald's hash browns are great, everything else sucks.
End of video.
Done.
- How are they gonna,
how can we possibly have a Big Mac?
There's no way.
- First of all Big Mac, too much bread, I don't get it.
- Well, certainly there's too much bread
when there's no patty.
(groaning)
- Oh, no. - Oh, no.
It's an empty sandwich!
There's a tomato, and lettuce, and onions.
- Do vegans actually order this?
- Is the ketchup vegan?
It is?
- Do you know what the definition of vegan is, man?
I'm puttin' my hash brown as my patty.
- Are we suppose to put the oil saturated potatoes
into the sandwich?
Is it a potato burger?
- I got a patty on the bottom, hash brown on top,
ketchup on top, and a middle patty, then fries,
and then, another patty.
Oh no! - Oh, no!
(laughing)
- Oh, no!
- Look at that.
(groaning)
(thunder clapping)
(raining)
(yelling)
(somber music)
Oh my God, all of my stuff is on my body!
Fucking, fuck vegan food.
- Guys,
getting drunk,
(chuckling)
it's not super fun.
- It's so much bread already in the Big Mac.
- It was so much bread.
- And there was so much breading
on the fries and hash browns,
it's just a lot of breading.
- It's a lot of beige.
- [Zach] Let's go.
(techno music)
- Mmm.
- Straight up, this is delicious.
You don't have to eat meat to have a good time.
- There's no place two 100% pure beef patties
would rather be.
Maybe they've rather be alive.
- Oh, deep.
- It's kinda bullshit, me saying that,
'cause I eat a lot of beef.
(chuckling)
Are you gonna kiss me?
- No, do you want me to?
- No, you just looked at me.
- Wait, did you feel something?
- You looked at me in a very weird way.
- Sounds like you felt something.
- Apple pie is vegan, what?
- Yeah.
- Haha, no!
- It's a bit sweet, isn't it?
Could use a couple more minutes in the oven.
- It's not good.
- Are you tellin' me there's no milk in the crust of this?
'Cause that's amazing.
- Wait, really?
- That's amazing.
The fact that they pulled this off without the leche.
- No butter?
- No, la leche?
That's crazy.
- That actually kinda is worrisome.
Like, what did they use instead?
- Love, fuckin' love.
- We give this,
two, three plants.
- So,, I'm glad I got to try all these,
'cause if I'm drunk and still vegan,
I'm just gonna get six hash browns.
It's, - It's,
my, - my,
favorite, - favorite,
bird! - bird!
(laughing)
- [Zach] Its Domino's.
Domino's!
(yelling)
Why'd they make the crust so thin?
What's the point?
- Probably, the thick crust has meat juice in it.
- I don't have much room left in my belly.
- Oh.
- You know, I think Domino's knows what they're doing.
They knew that it's inferior without cheese,
so they stacked it with other stuff.
They're living smart.
- It's fine. - It's fine.
- Even Domino's is gonna tell you,
that like, yeah okay, yeah we'll deliver it.
- Like we 're a little disappointed
that you ordered this, but we'll make it.
- We'll do it, but we're not gonna be happy about it.
- Did you ever see the Mary-Kate and Ashley
sleepover party were they sing the pizza song.
It was just, I want pizza.
P-I-Z-Z-A.
Give me pizza.
- I give it four plant boners.
- I'll give it two and a half.
I think it's half towards way to a boner.
- If your drunk, and you want pizza,
and you're vegan, this is the best option I've had so far.
It's better than vegan cheese pizza.
I wanna say over four,
'cause it's more complex than the potato.
I might give it five.
- Did we rate the potato too high?
- No.
(chuckling)
I ate that whole potato.
- What if I ring you like a bell?
What would your face do?
Bong.
(laughing)
Taco Bell.
- I imagine, this is the black bean burrito.
Turns out burritos are great vegan food.
In fact, now that I'm thinking about it,
most of my vegan food has been Southwestern or Mexican.
- Three, two, one.
(thudding)
- Good thud.
For not a lot of volume there.
- It feels like the skin on like, a dog's belly.
- Oh yeah, but without the hair.
- Yeah, and without the life inside.
- This is so good.
- This is good.
Man, we're gonna be fartin' up a storm later.
- I'm gonna go for the middle of this.
(chuckling)
Wait.
- Whoa, hold on.
There's lettuce, and onion, and tomato.
(soft western music)
Raise the roof.
- Frankly, I think this is more delicious
than most things at Taco Bell.
- I don't know what's vegan about this?
It's just sort of like, everything but the meat.
- Yeah that's exactly what's vegan.
Cheese is not that good.
- You step the fuck back.
- It's sad after Chipotle.
- Yeah, it's not Chipotle, this is a dollar.
Like, if Chipotle's closed,
this is a really great alternative.
I'm very impressed.
- I do have to say,
this is like their Tinder profile photo,
and then, this is them in person.
(laughing)
Right?
You're like, ooh, swipe right!
And they come up, and they're like, hey, I'm Stacy.
- Do you know, that you're not you?
You're actually just a host for thousands of bacteria.
You're a planet.
All of the decisions that you think you're making
are not your decisions, it's actually just your bacteria.
- I don't know that's--
- Free wheel, free will doesn't exist.
- I'll give this three plants.
- Four for me.
As a drunk person, I've got chips and guac,
and I've got a burrito that has a decent amount of flavor.
I'm super drunk,
so that high sodium is really delivering what it promises.
- Great, so I'm just gonna be real.
We're past plants ratings at this point.
- [Woman] Okay.
- We're in the new epsilon.
- You know what this made me realize?
All fast food kinda taste the same.
Which probably was kinda the best example,
or I was like, well, you can get sofritas,
or you can get chicken,
but they're exactly the same flavoring.
- [Keith] Look, low quality meat is worse
than low quality vegetables.
- So, kind of at that point,
I'm like, if your getting fast food,
if there's a vegan option,
they're really not that dissimilar from the meat option.
- I'm gonna say that Chipotle number one.
McDonald's number two.
- [Ned] I agree.
- Best was Chipotle. - The best was Chipotle.
- Duh, duh, duh.
The second best.
- Was the Domino's, I think.
- [Keith] The Domino's.
It had lots of flavors, a good texture,
a lot of food.
- And it ended up being a flavorful kind of pizza.
- You all know what I mean, though--
- Can you put a little fire sauce in my whiskey?
Boom.
(light upbeat music)
- Ah.
- What I've learned the most about becoming a vegan,
is that everybody hates vegans.
They're not villains.
They're already upset by the fact
they can't eat the fun stuff,
so don't make them feel more upset.
- Can I have the full bottle of this, please?
- If you want to see more about Keith going vegan,
and facing one of his deepest insecurities,
check out our book online right now.
- Hey we'll see you next time.
We are Sexy Pants Four.
Subscribe.
See you tomorrow for another fresh vid.
- Sexy Pants Four?
(rhythmic rock music)
(mumbling)
- Does anybody else ever try to make the perfect bite?
- [Woman] What?
- Perfect bites, perfect bite club comment.
- The first rule about bite club is--
- We don't talk about bite club.
- Exactly.