♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
HE IS A VERY FUNNY MAN YOU KNOW FROM "HOUSE," "VEEP," "JEEVES
AND WOOSTER," "BLACKADDAR," "THE NIGHT MANAGER," AND "AVENUE 5."
PLEASE WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW," HUGH LAURIE!
NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
>> NO, IT'S A REAL PLEASURE ND A PRIVILEGE TO SEE YOU LOOKING
SO HALE AND HEARTY AND KEEPING THE WORLD SANE.
IT'S AN ABSOLUTE DELIGHT.
>> Stephen: I'M NOT SURE I'M AN EXAMPLE OF SANITY, BUT THANK
YOU VERY MUCH.
I LIKE THE NEW HAIRCUT.
IS THIS A CORONAVIRUS HAIRCUT OR FOR A PART?
>> IT'S SORT OF A CORONAVIRUS HAIRCUT.
WHEN THE REST OF THE WORLD WERE SCRATCHING AROUND FOR TOILET
PAPER I DECIDED TO GET MY HAIRCUT IN BULK.
>> Stephen: GET IT OUT OF THE WAY FOR THE YEAR.
>> GET IT OUT OF THE WAY.
SO I JUST PUT MY HEAD IN A BLENDER, AND THIS IS WHAT YOU
SEE.
>> Stephen: NICE.
>> THIS IS ACTUALLY QUITE LONG.
IN FACT, IT WAS ABSOLUTELY, LIKE -- I WAS A POOL BALL FOR A
WHILE.
>> Stephen: YES.
YOU LOOK MILDLY INSTITUTIONALIZED.
>> YEAH.
I'M GETTING A LITTLE SHAGGY BACK HERE.
BUT, NO, THIS IS ME FOR THE DURATION.
>> Stephen: HOW ARE YOU RIDING OUT THE QUARANTINE?
WHERE ARE-- WHERE ARE YOU-- WHERE ARE YOU BUNKERED AND
HUNKERED DOWN?
>> I AM, OF COURSE, CALLING TO YOU FROM HIGH UP IN THE
BAVARRIAN ALPS.
>> Stephen: GOOD.
>> IT'S A PLACE I KEEP.
NO, I'M JUST OUTSIDE-- JUST OUTSIDE LONDON, AND IN A VERY,
VERY GILDED CAGE.
I AM UNBELIEVABLY LUCKY.
I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW LUCKY I AM, COMPARED TO WHAT SO MANY OTHER
PEOPLE ARE HAVING TO GO THROUGH.
IT'S EXTRAORDINARY.
I DON'T-- I DON'T DESERVE IT.
BUT I'M TAKING IT.
I'M VERY, VERY LUCKY.
>> Stephen: I LIKE THAT ATTITUDE.
I THINK-- I THINK-- >> WELL--
>> Stephen: TAKE IT WHILE YOUICA K, BECAUSE WHO KNOWS WHAT
THE WORLD WILL BE LIKE SIX MONTHS FROM NOW.
>> EXACTLY.
BECAUSE, BY THE WAY, I'M A 60-YEAR-OLD MAN, I'M LUCKY
ENOUGH NOT TO HAVE IT, AS FAR AS I KNOW, BUT IF I GET IT, I'M IN
THE-- I DON'T KNOW WHAT COLOR THEY GIVE ME ON THE DEMOGRAPHIC.
I THINK I'M SORT OF ORANGE TO RED.
>> Stephen: UH-HUH.
>> AS A LIKELY CANDIDATE.
BUT, ANYWAY -- >> Stephen: ARE YOU FOLKS
COLOR CODING IT IN THE U.K.?
DO YOU HAVE A COLOR-CODED SYSTEM OVER THERE?
>> WE JUST-- THEY JUST TRIED IT YESTERDAY.
AND EVERYONE'S VERY CONFUSED.
THERE'S A LOT OF PALE BLUE IN IT.
NOBODY UNDERSTANDS WHAT THE PALE BLUE MEANS.
>> Stephen: THAT'S THE SKIN OF SCOTTISH PEOPLE, I THINK.
>> EXACTLY.
IF YOU GO THAT COLOR, MOVE SOUTH.
>> Stephen: WELL, I'M CATCHING UP WITH YOU, BECAUSE YOU MAY OR
MAY NOT KNOW THIS, BUT THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY.
I TURN 56 TODAY.
>> NOT ONLY DO I KNOW IT-- HOLD ON A SECOND.
HOLD ON.
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR STEVEN ♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪
NOW, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE 5G AND, THEREFORE, YOU'RE ABLE TO
BLOW THIS OUT.
BUT-- >> Stephen: LET'S GIVE IT A
TRY.
>> YEAH.
THAT'S-- PEOPLE GO ON ABOUT SPECIAL EFFECTS, LIKE IT'S
COMPLICATED.
>> Stephen: MAGIC.
>> IT REALLY ISN'T COMPLICATED.
>> Stephen: I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE AT LUCUS FILM FOR
MAKING THAT POSSIBLE.
>> SHOULD I EAT IT FOR YOU?
>> Stephen: EAT AND AND DESCRIBE IT FOR ME, PLEASE.
>> THIS WAS MUCH BIGGER EARLIER IN THE DAY.
THIS WAS ABOUT THE SIZE OF A SUITCASE AT NOON TODAY.
BUT IT'S THE TIME DIFFERENCE.
>> Stephen: I BET YOU TELL THAT TO ALL THE GIRLS.
>> I HAVE NO ANSWER.
IT'S A LITTLE DRY.
BUT -- >> Stephen: SO AM I.
>> SO ARE YOU, EXACTLY.
EXACTLY.
>> Stephen: WELL, I'M SO-- I'M SO HAPPY TO HAVE YOU HERE.
YOU MAY NOT KNOW THIS, BUT I HAVE, SINCE THE LAST TIME YOU
WERE ON HERE-- WHICH WAS, LIKE, THREE YEARS AGO OR SOMETHING,
SOMETHING INSANE, SOMETHING ABSOLUTELY UNCONSCIONABLE.
I HAVE BEEN GOING, "WHEN IS HUGH LAURIE COMING BACK?
SOMEBODY TELL ME WHEN HUGH LAURIE IS COMING BACK."
WHEN I LOOKED AT THE WEEK ON THIS CALENDAR, I SAID, "HEY,
HUGH LAURIE IS COMING BACK."
AND THEY SAID, "YES, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY."
AND I SAID, "REALLY?
WHAT IS HE COMING ON FOR?" THEY SAID, "I THINK HE'S COMING
ON FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY.
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE WE SHOULD BE TALKING ABOUT.
I'M HAPPY TO TALK ABOUT ME.
>> IT'S A GREAT HONOR TO BE WITH YOU ON THIS SPECIAL DAY.
ARE YOU, I THINK... I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO GUESS.
I WILL NEVER GUESS A MAN'S AGE.
>> Stephen: 56, 56.
>> HOW DOES THAT FEEL?
>> Stephen: PRETTY GOOD.
PRETTY GOOD.
I SAW A POLL RECENTLY, I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS JUST IN THE
AMERICA OR AROUND THE WORLD, THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE POLLED THINK
THAT "OLD" STARTS AT 57.
SO I'VE GOT ONE MORE YEAR OF CARE-FREE YOUTH AHEAD OF ME,
YEAH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: BEFORE I CRUMBLE INTO DECREPITUDE.
GOT ANY ADVICE WHAT I DO IN THE NEXT FOUR YEARS BEFORE I HIT 60?
>> FIRST OF ALL, TAKE CARE OF YOUR KNEES.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> IT TURNS OUT THEY'RE IMMENSELY USEFUL.
AND WITHOUT THEM, LIFE IS...
WELL, I'VE HAD MY REPLACED WITH SCAFFOLDING POLES.
I JUST HAVE NO KNEES LEFT AT ALL.
I DON'T REMEMBER 56 AS BEING A-- I REMEMBER THAT BEING A SORT OF
OKAY.
IN FACT, I REMEMBER ALL THE BIG LANDMARKS BEING OKAY-- 40, 50,
60.
I REMEMBER THAT BEING ALL RIGHT.
WHAT I DIDN'T CARE FOR IS THE FACT THAT IT DOESN'T STOP, THAT
YOU THINK WHEN YOU GET TO THE TOP OF A MOUNTAIN, THEY'RE GOING
TO GIVE YOU A BREAK, AND YOU'LL HAVE A COUPLE YEARS, AND YOU CAN
EAT A SANDWICH OR SOMETHING.
>> Stephen: YES.
>> AND HAVE A REST.
BUT THEN THEY GO, "NO, IT'S 51, AND IT'S 61."
AND IT KEEPS ON GOING.
>> Stephen: TURNS OUT IT'S NOT A MOUNTAIN.
IT'S A GANG PLANK.
>> EXACTLY.
I JUST TURNED 50!
WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?
WELL, APPARENTLY, THEY WANT IT ALL.
>> Stephen: BUT, THE NICE THING ABOUT NOT TURNING A NICE
ROUND NUMBER, LIKE 50 OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, IS THAT YOU
DON'T HAVE TO GIVE A SPIECH.
LIKE, ON THE BIG-- ON THE BIG BIRTHDAYS, THERE'S A PARTY, AND
YOU HAVE TO GIVE A TOAST BACK AT A CERTAIN POINT.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S FAIR.
>> OBVIOUSLY, YOU'RE SOMEONE WHO HATES GIVING SPEECHES.
AND APPEARING IN PUBLIC.
>> Stephen: I HATE GIVING BAD ONES.
I HATE GIVING BAD ONES.
AND I I NEVER PUT IN ANY PLANNING.
AND I GET UP THERE AND G, YOU'RE ALL SO VERY NICE," AND I START
CRYING.
>> THAT'S LOVELY.
THAT'S THE BEST THING OF ALL.
I NOW FEEL-- I DON'T REALLY WANT TO MAKE YOU CRY RIGHT NOW, BUT I
SORT OF FEEL LIKE PEOPLE SHOULD SEE THAT.
I THINK THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING.
I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE YOU CRY.
>> Stephen: WE'VE ONLY BEEN IN QUARANTINE FOR NINE WEEKS.
I'M SURE BY THREE MONTHS I'LL JUST COME ON AIR AND JUST SNOTS
AND TEARS.
AND "STICK AROUND FOR THIS MESSAGE FROM YOUR LOCAL DODGE
DEALER."
YOU HAVE PLAYED DR. HOUSE AND DR. CHANCE ON THE TV-- NOT THAT
I NEED TO TELL YOU.
YOU MUST BE GOOD AT PRETENDING YOU'RE A MEDICAL EXPERT HELP.
HOW DO YOU THINK HOUSE WOULD RESPOND?
WHAT ADVICE WOULD HOUSE BE GIVING OUT THESE DAYS?
>> I THINK HOUSE WOULD HAVE RETREATED TO THE BAVARRIAN ALPS,
WITH A BOTTLES OF JACK DANIEL'S, AND KEPT OUT OF IT.
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, THE PROBLEM-- I MEAN, MEDICALLY, IT'S AN
OBVIOUSLY IMMENSELY COMPLEX TASK TO COME UP WITH A VACCINE.
BUT IN TERMS OF DEALING WITH IT NOW, STAYING AT HOME IS A PRETTY
SIMPLE, YOU KNOW, STAY OUT OF LARGE CROWDS.
DON'T GO HUGGING AND KISSING THE WAY WE ONCE DID WHEN WE WERE
EXPWRUNG CARE-FREE.
THAT'S-- IT'S ALL PRETTY SORT OF BASIC, IN A WAY.
THAT'S WHAT WE HAVE TO DO.
>> Stephen: HOW MUCH RESISTANCE IS THERE TO THAT IN
THE U.K.?
BECAUSE IN THE UNITED STATES, THERE'S A MINORITY OF THE
COUNTRY, BUT THERE'S A MINORITY OF THE COUNTRY THAT HAS-- HAS
DECIDED THEY DON'T WANT TO HAVE THAT DEAL ANYMORE.
LIKE, THERE WAS SORT OF LIKE, "WELL, WE DIDN'T TAKE IT
SERIOUSLY, THEN WE TOOK IT SERIOUSLY, THEN WE ALL AGREED TO
DO THIS ONE THING."
AND THERE IS A MINORITY OF AMERICANS NOW SAYING, "I DON'T
WANT TO DO THAT ANYMORE."
AND THEY'RE SAYING THE PEOPLE WHO STILL WANT TO DO IT ARE THE
REAL TROUBLE.
IS THAT STL THAT GOING ON IN ENGLAND?
ARE PEOPLE SHOWING UP WITH-- >> A LITTLE BIT.
THE ONLY THING IS OUR MINORITY, EVEN IF IT WERE EQUIVALENT TO
YOURS, THEY DON'T HAVE AUTOMATIC WEAPONS.
THAT'S THE BIG DISTINCTION.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> AND SO -- >> Stephen: THAT'S HOW WE
DEFEATED THE RED COATS.
>> YES, I'M SO PAINFULLY AWARE.
BUT OUR DAY WILL COME.
OUR DAY WILL COME.
SO I THINK IT'S SORT OF THE SAME, EXCEPT WE JUST-- WE JUST
GRUMBLE MORE.
WE'RE A GRUMBLY-- WE'RE A GRUMBLY NATION, I THINK, AND
THAT'S HOW WE GET IT OUT.
>> >> Stephen: SURE.
>> IF YOU LISTEN TO THE NEWS MEDIA, IT'S JUST-- IT'S JUST...
COMPLETE MAYHEM.
EVERYBODY'S HAIR IS ON FIRE.
BUT I THINK MOST PEOPLE I MEET AND TALK TO, THEY JUST SEEM TO
BE FAIRLY FLAGMATIC ABOUT IT, THEY ROLL THEIR EYES AND GRUMBLE
AND SAY GET ON WITH IT.
THAT'S LEAVING ASIDE PEOPLE'S WHOSE LIVES HAVE BEEN ABSOLUTELY
WRECKED BY IT.
AND OF COURSE THE OTHER GREAT ARMY OF PEOPLE WHO ARE WORKING
DAY AND NIGHT TO KEEP US ALL, IDIOTS LIKE ME, FED AND WATERED.
>> Stephen: SURE.
AND HEALTH I.
NOT ONLY LIKE SANITATION, BUT GROCERY STORE WORKERS,
FRONT-LINE MEDICAL WORKERS.
>> IT'S ENDLESS, IT'S ENDLESS, YEAH.
I MEAN THERE, HAS BEEN A BIT-- WE DO THIS THING WHICH I THINK
YOU DO IN NEW YORK, CLAPPING HEALTHCARE WORKERS ONCE A WEEK.
>> Stephen: WE DO IT EVERY NIGHT AT SEVEN, WE DO IT EVERY
NIGHT AT 7:00.
>> EVERY NIGHT.
WE DO IT ONCE A WEEK.
YOU SEE, THAT'S SUCH AN ENGLISH THING, ISN'T IT?
YOU JUST DO IT MORE AND BIGGER AND BETTER.
>> Stephen: I'M SURE YOU'RE VERY BUSY THE OTHER NIETSZ.
>> YEAH, WE'VE GOT A LOT ON.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> YEAH, AND SOME PEOPLE HAVE STARTED TO SORT OF PUSH BACK
AGAINST THAT.
NOT PUSHING BACK AGAINST NURSES AND DOCTORS BUT AGAINST THE
WHOLE IDEA OF THANKING.
WHY ARE WE THANKING THEM?
IT'S AN EMPTY PATRONIZING GESTURE, AND WE SHOULDN'T BE-- I
DON'T REALLY KNOW.
I CAN'T BE-- I CAN'T GO ALONG WITH THAT.
I FEEL JUST SUCH IMMENSE CONSTANT GRATITUDE, PARTICULARLY
BECAUSE I'M PROUD TO ANNOUNCE-- NOT ANNOUNCE BUT PROUD TO SAY
THAT MY-- MY SON IS ACTUALLY A JUNIOR DOCTOR NOW, AND HE'S IN
WHAT WE CALL A.& E., AND YOU CALL AN E.R.
AND SO HE'S SORT OF WHAT WE CALL THE FRONT LINE.
THEY DON'T CALL IT THE FRONT LINE, BUT THAT'S WHAT-- THAT'S
WHAT THE MEDIA CALL IT.
>> Stephen: OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.
THAT'S WONDERFUL.
SO YOU'RE THE-- "HOUSE" IS THE FATHER OF A DOCTOR.
DOES HE EVER-- DOES HE CRITIQUE YOUR PORTRAYAL OF A DOCTOR?
>> HE HASN'T-- HE HASN'T YET.
BUT I DARE SAY THAT DAY WILL COME.
BECAUSE MY DAD WAS A DOCTOR AS WELL.
SO I AM BOTH THE SON AND FATHER OF A DOCTOR.
I AM THE SORT OF BIG SLICE OF HAM IN THE MIDDLE OF THESE TWO
WONDERFUL PIECES OF WHOLE MEAL BREAD.
I'M THE BIG-- I'M THE BIG FAT FAKE IN THE MIDDLE, AND THEY
WERE BOTH THE REAL THING.
I THINK HE MIGHT-- HE MIGHT FIND SOME THINGS TO CRITICIZE, YOU
KNOW, A FEW YEARS FROM NOW.
BUT HE'S-- HE'S JUST A FIRST-YEAR-- WHAT THEY CALL A
FOUNDATION YEAR, JUNIOR DOCTOR AT THE MOMENT.
>> Stephen: SO HE'S IN HIS-- HIS INTERNSHIP?
>> YEAH.
WELL, HE WOULD HAVE BEEN ROTATING, EXCEPT NOW IT'S ALL
HANDS ON DECK.
AND, YOU KNOW, THE E.R. IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT AT THE MOMENT.
>> Stephen: HUGH, IF YOU COULD JUST STAY RIGHT THERE IN THE
U.K. FOR A MOMENT, WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, BUT WE'LL BE
RIGHT BACK WITH MORE MR. HUGH LAURIE.