On the Christian website RELEVANT, a pastor, Aaron Loy, wrote up a list of 5 reasons
that were bad reasons that anyone would want to leave their church.
And his point was, you know, if you use any of these excuses for why you want to leave church,
you should rethink what you're doing.
But his 5 reasons are really, really bad ones.
So, number one.
"You're not being fed."
And what he was referring to is you're not being spiritually fed.
But that's a horrible reason because, why would anyone go to church?
I would think it's because they want to meet their spiritual needs.
And if their church isn't doing that for them,
that seems to me as good of a reason as any for you to walk out of that church.
It's the same reason you go to
college to meet your education needs.
And if they're not doing it,
why would you stay there? Why wouldn't you transfer schools or try to get an education elsewhere?
It just doesn't make sense to stay in a spot
if you're not getting your number-one need met.
Number two: "It's getting too big."
Apparently, big churches are a reason a lot of people leave
and, in fact, pastor Loy said: "If you don't like big churches, you're not gonna like Heaven"
which is, "Man, you're really rubbing it in on these people who want to leave this church."
But there's a good reason people would want to leave like a megachurch.
If you go to a small church,
you know everyone sitting around you in the pews; you know the pastor.
More importantly, the pastor knows you, and he probably knows what your
concerns are; what your problems in life are.
And he can try to address them.
When your church gets to be a huge 10,000 or 20,000 size megachurch,
all of a sudden you're sitting next to strangers all the time.
You don't get any one-on-one contact with the pastor. You're just part of small groups, and in fact,
a lot of big churches just try to have small groups so that they can get to know each other.
But I understand if that's not for everybody.
And again, think about this: there are some people who like going to those small
colleges that might even be smaller than their high school was,
because they get that individualized attention and that matters to them.
If you're like me, though, you like having a big college, you like sitting in a lecture hall,
where you don't really know anybody, where you can come and go as you please, and you just kind of
get what you-- You take what you need out of it, and that's about it. I don't need to know the professor to make that happen.
But that's not for everybody.
So, I don't see why it's a big deal if anyone wants to leave a church when it's gotten too big,
because they may appreciate a smaller church. They may get more out of it.
Number three.
"I don't agree with everything that's being preached."
Pastor Loy was saying: "Look, if you have a minor disagreement
with the pastor, that's not a good enough reason to leave."
But here's the problem:
At some point, when you start disagreeing with the pastor,
you don't necessarily have a chance to, like, raise your hand in the back of the-- You know,
in the back of the church hall
and say, you know, "Citation needed" or
"I disagree with you". There's no really-- There's no good chance for rebuttal
during a Sunday morning service.
And at some point, if you disagree with the pastor more and more about small things, about big things,
no one cares because you're still in the church seats.
You're still tithing; you're still giving the church money.
You're still supporting what they do.
And even if you like what the church is doing,
the fact that you are there
suggest that you support what the pastor's doing.
If you really want them to change their ways,
or you really want to make a point,
it is incumbent upon you to leave that church. You should walk out of there.
That's the only way these church leaders are going to learn that they either need to change their ways,
or give up a good chunk of the people in their church already.
One of the big problems I see in church these days are
that you have these megachurches with thousands of people in them,
where the pastor will
easily say something that is anti-gay,
homophobic. They'll say something sexist like "women have their place, and it's just not the place that I have."
They say all these horrible things
and these people just keep coming back week after week.
And what is the church leader to think? They're thinking they're doing something right
and they're saying something right because, look, the church keeps growing.
They're never gonna learn their lesson, and they're never going to learn that they're wrong about this stuff, and that people disagree with them,
unless you leave that church and say with your feet
that you don't support what they're doing.
And I wish Christians had more guts
to get up and walk out of those pews
if they disagree with their pastor on some critical issues.
No one cares about the minor issues,
but when it comes to some big social issues like that,
staying in the seats tells me you support what the pastor's saying.
Number four.
"My needs aren't being met."
Pastor Loy was saying that the church
isn't there to meet your needs.
You're there to meet the church's needs, and the church's needs are to meet the world's needs.
But seriously, if you go back and think about this,
if the church isn't meeting your needs,
that's exactly the reason you should get out of there. This may be the dumbest item on his list.
If the church isn't doing anything to help you out,
there are so many better ways that you could be spending your Sunday mornings, or you could be volunteering with a different group.
You need to have your needs addressed whether that's an emotional need
or, you know, a physical need, to meet these other people and be around them;
or a spiritual need, if that's your thing.
And if the church isn't meeting that,
stop going there, stop wasting your time.
And the last item on the list is "Unresolved conflict".
And I think what pastor Loy was trying to say here is, if there's some sort of
disagreement or some
issue that's between you and, let's say between a staffer at the church,
don't leave just because you didn't even bother to work out that conflict.
And you know what? I think he has a point here,
but I would add a couple things.
If you have tried everything in your power to resolve the conflict,
and the other side won't budge,
then at some point you gotta do your own thing and you gotta leave.
It's a lot like President Obama trying to work with congressional Republicans.
They can try to compromise,
but if Obama's looking at the situation and saying "they're never gonna budge, they're never gonna move to my side of the aisle on these issues",
why should he try to reach over to them?
He can try all he wants to, but if he sees there's no option here,
at some point he's gonna have to do his own thing, whether that's issuing executive orders, or something else.
But I get where that idea, that mentality is coming from.
If there is unresolved conflict,
it starts with you. You got to try to be the bigger person,
reach out to the other side.
And that happens in a church too.
But if the church isn't gonna budge,
then you gotta get out of there.
You can understand why pastor Loy doesn't want people to leave the church. He's a pastor himself.
He doesn't want people leaving his pews.
But there is a problem with that. And the problem is
when people stay in a church for the wrong reasons,
or they stay there because they think it's what's expected of them,
or because it would just be social suicide to leave.
the problem is that you are lending support to the church and you are saying,
with your feet and with your money,
that "I support what this church does".
And if you don't, you owe it to yourself and you owe it to everybody else
to go to a place that actually matters to you, that can actually meet your needs.
And you know what? For a lot of Christians, and especially younger Christians,
if that means not going to church,
but fulfilling your religious duties in some other way...
You know, I know a lot of Christians who don't go to church anymore
because they just meet up with their Christian friends and have a discussion about something.
That meets their needs. They don't need to go to church to make that happen.
More power to them. I still think they're wrong, but more power to them for making that happen.
You don't need to keep supporting pastors or churches
that don't address the issues that you are there
to have them meet.
My name is Hemant Mehta and I write at FriendlyAtheist.com
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