You make me laugh, Adam, which is weird,
because you're not really my type.
I usually go for alpha males.
That's not weird at all, because in humans,
the very idea of the "alpha male"
makes absolutely no sense.
What do you think an alpha male is?
A confident, assertive leader who knows what he wants
and always gets his way.
You know, somebody who says things like "get swole"
and "Muscle Milk",
and "Hi, I'm Vin Diesel."
Oh, so like this guy.
What up, freaks? Name's Alpha Adam.
I'm confident, straight-up bangin',
and if you think women don't love me,
I'm gonna debunk the F out of that myth.
Attraction to alphas is genetic.
Comes from nature.
I'm like the alpha wolf, the leader of the pack.
Hell yeah. I'm bleeding.
Well, all of that is wrong,
because alpha wolves don't exist.
In fact, the term "alpha wolf" was disavowed
by the very scientist who popularized it.
The story starts in 1977.
While doing research in a national park,
L. David Mech
seemed to observe that one wolf emerged as the dominant male.
Ah-ha!
One wolf is the dominant leader, the big wolf daddy!
That's the alpha wolf.
and it became a media sensation.
Alpha wolves are real and I love them,
and I bet humans are like this, too.
(howling)
(Adam) But 20 years later,
his research in the wild,
and when he did, he realized he had made a terrible mistake.
Those aren't dominant wolves.
Those are mommies and daddies.
Wolves don't have an alpha hierarchy at all.
They're just parents.
I must alert the masses!
"alpha wolf"
trying to get his own book
taken off the shelves.
Stop reading this. I fed you lies!
Alpha wolves aren't real!
(Adam) But it was too late.
The term had taken on a life of its own
and we haven't stopped using it since.
So alpha wolves are just parents.
I guess my therapist was right. I really do have daddy issues.
Nah, nah, nah.
Maybe there's no alpha wolves, but I know crap, too.
Alpha males are found in chimps, our closest genetic relatives.
Weird, you are more aggressive than me, but also wronger.
First of all, chimps aren't our closest genetic relatives,
bonobos are.
And bonobos live in a matriarchal society.
Excuse me. You're in my way.
(animalistic growling)
You're basic.
Okay, whatever, those Bonobo broads don't mean nothing.
is the most dominant,
most aggressive bro,
and that means he has first access to food,
resources, and of course, mates.
Hell yeah, baby. All right.
Not exactly.
Contrary to popular belief, in chimps,
the most aggressive male doesn't always become the leader.
Smaller, more mild-mannered males
by doing favors
other chimps.
Excuse me, you seem to have something in your hair.
Thanks. Oh...
Hey, let me ask you:
What do you think I should do with my life?
What am I doing?
Get off of me!
I am the strongest, most aggressive male,
so I am the alpha!
Now and forever!
No, you're not.
Unlike chimps, human social hierarchies
are constantly in flux,
so you might be the dominant male here,
but if you were playing Dungeons & Dragons...
It's your turn. Hello!
What do you want to do?
I attack with my sword.
Your sword? You are a magic user.
No.
Well, then you can't attack with a sword, can you, freak?
(laughing)
Unlike animals, no one is the same type of person in all situations.
Human society is much more complicated than that.
So to say that this guy is an alpha male
or that guy's a beta male
Whatever, nerd!
The most aggressive male gets the most aggressive tale.
It's true forever 'cause it rhymes.
Actually, research shows tht agreeableness, kindness,
and generosity are among the strongest indicators
of a long, happy relationship.
Aww, eat my feet. Those are beta traits!
Huh, well, then I guess betas are the alphas of love.
Enough lies. I am the alpha!
I am your God!
Leave Beta Adam alone.