In this video, we're going to be talking about how to get your ex to listen to you. Stay
tuned. This could be a very important video for you. Hey, there it's quite with modern
love.life. Common problem that I hear a lot of people having is that their ex isn't willing
to listen to them. Their ex isn't hearing them out their ex isn't understanding them.
Their ex isn't opening themselves up. Their ex is closed off and not open to understanding
them, hearing them, listening to them, things of that nature. So we want to talk about that
today. Many times people will look for some sort of secret way to get their ex's attention
or some secret way to hook them into paying attention to them with some sort of elaborate
story of, oh, Hey, a Russian supermodel was just flirting with me the other day. And it
made me think about something that I wanted to ask you.
Like, obviously people are going to see right through that, right? Unless you're typically
are the kind of person that happens to hang out with Russian supermodels, you don't have
to do all of this. You really don't the secret to getting your ex to listen to you is counterintuitive.
It's one of these riddles of philosophy, I guess, where it's like in order to get the
thing that you want, you have to do the opposite. And so when you want to get your ex to listen
to you, who do you want to get anyone to really listen to you? The most important thing is
actually to start by listening to them first, when you listen to someone else, when you
hear them out without defending yourself without justifying your behavior without correcting
the errors that they made in terms of what happened or didn't happen when you just simply
listen to them and reflect back how you imagine they felt or what their experience was, what
happens is their need to feel heard, starts to decrease their attachment to some story
about how you're insensitive or uncaring or, or don't listen to them.
Or something starts to decrease. Once all that is out of the way, once all that static
is out of the way, then the two of you can actually talk and connect. Then they actually
have the capacity to listen. But as long as there's that pain in the way, that story in
the way that resentment in the way you don't understand me in the way, then they're never
going to really have that capacity to listen to you. It's important to start by listening
to them first. And I know that there's people out there that are like, okay, my ex won't
even talk to me. How am I supposed to, you know, listen to them. We'll get to that in
a moment. But once you do this, once you start by listening to understand, then you create
a doorway for more connection, you create a doorway for them to actually hear you out.
You create the possibility for the two of you to actually have a better emotional connection.
So that's the first step is to listen to them. Now you might be thinking, you know, okay,
maybe they're not even responding to me at all. Maybe you're not even talking to me at
all. I can try to contact them, but they won't even return my messages. They just ignore
me. And you know, we talk about this inside of our courses like ESP, but even a non-response
even getting nothing from them is still a response of sorts. It's still something that
you can go on, like, okay, how would they have to feel if they weren't even talking
to you? Would they be angry at you about something? Would they be upset about something? Would
they be hurt about something? These are all realistic possibilities. And if you can sort
of deduce connect the dots and say, okay, they maybe, maybe they're not talking to me
because they just feel too hurt right now.
Maybe they're not talking to you because they're still upset about that last argument that
we had, or that last disagreement that we had or whatever it could be, then that gives
you something to work with that cause you something to, to start with and you can, you
know, maybe send them a fresh start message or something like that, that attempts to empathize
with the assumed hurt that they're experiencing with you, the assumed pain that they're still
holding onto. And do you know if you're using those empathy muscles just right. And you're
doing all that and connecting with, with what they're likely feeling, then you're going
to create that opportunity for them to actually let go of that pain. Let go of that story,
let go of that hurt and start to move past it so that the two of you can actually talk
and again, and once they actually feel heard, once they feel heard, once they believe that
you understand them and that you get them, that's when they can let go of all of this
pain and hurt and story.
And on the other side of that is their ability to actually listen to you. But you have to
make sure that they are heard and understood first otherwise is going to be so much work
and effort to just penetrate through and try to get them to hear you. Now, maybe you don't
need to go through all that because maybe your ex is pretty understanding and empathetic
already, but if your ex isn't and that's what I'd really recommend that you do. Okay. So
if that's something that you'd like some help with, please go ahead and check out our course
called effortless connection over@modernlove.life slash E C it's Martin love.life/e as an effortless
C as in connection. It's our communication course that helps people to have a, you know,
great communication for better relationships. Anyway, take care. I'll talk to you next time.