FOLKS, THE IMPEACHMENT TRIAL IS IN FULL SWING, AND I KNOW I MAKE
A LOT OF JOKES ABOUT IT, BUT THE FOUNDATION OF OUR DEMOCRACY IS
REALLY BEING TESTED RIGHT NOW.
( KNOCKING ) >> WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> SORRY.
SORRY.
HOW'S IT GOING?
I'M SORRY.
I APOLOGIZE!
>> STEPHEN: JON STEWART!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: JON STEWART!
WHAT IN THE WORLD!
ALWAYS A PLEASURE TO SEE YOU BUT WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE?
>> JON: I'M JUST FEVERISHLY WORKING TO PUT THE FINISHING
TOUCHES ON MY NEW FILM, "IRRESISTIBLE."
>> STEPHEN: THAT'S VERY EXCITING, AND JON, I'M SO GLAD
YOU HAPPEN TO BE HERE TODAY.
BECAUSE WE'RE IN THE HEART OF PRESIDENT TRUMP'S IMPEACHMENT
TRIAL.
THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME FOR SOME OF THAT PATENTED JON
STEWART TOPICAL COMEDY ABOUT TODAY'S NEWS.
AND... GO!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: ACTION!
IF I MAY JUST VERY QUICKLY -- NO.
JUST VERY QUICKLY.
>> STEPHEN: WHY NOT?
COME ON.
>> JON: BECAUSE RIGHT NOW TODAY IS THURSDAY JANUARY 23rd B
JANUARY 16.
>> Stephen: THAT'S LAST WEEK.
THE TRIAL HASN'T STARTED YET, STEPHEN.
>> STEPHEN: REALLY?
IT'S LAST THURSDAY?
ARE YOU SURE?
>> PRETTY SURE, STEPHEN.
THIS IS A PRE-TAPE.
CHECK TODAY'S PAPER.
>> Stephen: THERE IT IS.
BREAKING NEWS.
TODAY'S DATE THURSDAY, JANUARY 16.
I DID NOT KNOW.
WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT.
YOU'RE NOT EVEN HERE RIGHT NOW, JON?
>> I'M IN L.A. FINISHING.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE NOT HERE?
I'M NOT HERE.
>> Stephen: MY HAND GOES RIGHT THROUGH YOU!
>> I'M NOT A GHOST, STEPHEN.
I'M AN OLDER MAN WITH PAPER THIN SKIN.
( LAUGHTER ) NO, YOU'RE JUST PUSHING ON MY
FACE.
>> STEPHEN: I'M HAVING A HARD TIME ACCEPTING IT, TOO.
MISS YOU SO MUCH, BUDDY.
I'M NOT DEAD.
WE'RE JUST PRE-TAPING A SEGMENT BECAUSE I WANTED TO GIVE YOU AN
EXCLUSIVE FIRST LOOK AT SOME OF MY NEW FILM, "IRRESISTIBLE."
>> STEPHEN: OH, GREAT.
THE BIG MOVIE YOU'RE DIRECTING STARRING YOUR FAVORITE FORMER
"DAILY SHOW" CORRESPONDENT.
LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU NEED ME ON SET.
THEY HAVEN'T CALLED ME FOR MY WARDROBE FITTING YET.
>> THERE IS A REASON FOR THAT.
WE SHOT IT.
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S ACTUALLY STARRING STEVE
CARRELL.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WHAT!
IT STARS STEVE CARRELL!
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT?
OH, I GET IT -- >> THE SECOND ONE HAD NO FORCE
BEHIND IT!
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: OH, I GET IT!
THAT'S BETTER.
>> Stephen: OH, I GET IT, JON.
YOU WANTED A LESS CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE LEADING MAN.
BUT I'M SURE IT'LL BE GREAT.
WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
>> IT'S A VERY COOL STORY.
STEVE CARELL'S CHARACTER IS LEFT BEHIND DURING CHRISTMAS WHILE
HIS FAMILY GOES ON VACATION, S THEY FORGET HIM.
THEY LEAVE STEVE IN THE HOUSE BYHOMESELF AND THERE'S A BIT OF
A CRIME WAVE THAT HAPPENS.
I DON'T WANT TO SPOIL ANYTHING, BUT TWO BURGLARS TRY TO BREAK
INTO HIS HOUSE-- >> STEPHEN: JON.
THAT'S "HOME ALONE."
>> YES, HE'S HOME ALONE -- >> STEPHEN: NO, THAT'S THE PLOT
OF THE MOVIE "HOME ALONE."
FROM 1990.
>> I DON'T THINK SO.
( LAUGHTER ) THE MOVIE IS CALLED
"IRRESISTIBLE," AND IT'S COMING OUT LATER THIS YEAR.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE CLIP!
♪ (MACAULAY CULKIN SCREAMING)
>> YEAH >> STEPHEN: OKAY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) GREAT MOVIE.
>> CAN I SAY SOMETHING?
STEVE IS SO GOOD IN THIS.
>> Stephen: YES, YES, BUT THAT WAS MACAULAY CULKIN.
>> I DON'T THINK SO.
>> STEPHEN: JON!
ARE YOU GOING TO SHOW US SOME OF YOUR NEW MOVIE OR NOT?
>> JON: YES.
I'M SORRY.
THAT MUST HAVE BEEN A MIX-UP.
I DO HAVE A CLIP FROM "IRRESISTIBLE."
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS THAT STEVE CARELL PLAYS A DEMOCRATIC
POLITICAL STRATEGIST WHO JUMPS INTO A MAYOR'S RACE IN A SMALL
WISCONSIN TOWN.
TAKE A LOOK.
(STEVE CARRELL SCREAMING) OH, YOU ( BLEEP )!
>> STEPHEN: JON!
THAT'S THE "40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN."
>> I GOT TO TELL YOU, DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMING.
I THINK THAT WAS THE WATER TALKING.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
THIS IS IRRESISTIBLE.
( "CATS" ) >> STEPHEN: JON?
>> JON: I'M SORRY.
THAT WAS FROM MY PRIVATE PORN COLLECTION.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A
PUBLIC PORN COLLECTION?
>> I DO.
YOU CAN SIGN UP FOR IT.
>> STEPHEN: OKAY, WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME HERE.
WE HAVE TO GO TO BREAK SOON.
>> JON: OKAY, WELL, BEFORE YOU SUBJECT THESE PEOPLE TO A BUNCH
OF "ADS," AT LEAST LET THEM WATCH THE COMMERCIAL FOR MY NEW
MOVIE FIRST.
HERE IT IS, THE TRAILER FOR "IRRESISTIBLE."
♪ >> DEMOCRATS ARE GETTING THEIR
ASSES KICKED.
>> WE NEED SOME WAY TO ROAD TEST A MORE RURAL E-FRIENDLY MESSAGE.
>> IF YOU CAN'T LIVE YOUR PRINCIPLES --
>> IN THE BAD TIMES, I GUESS THEY AREN'T PRINCIPLES, THEY'RE
JUST HOBBIES.
>> NICE.
JOHN WAYNE AND A TRACTOR HAVE A BABY AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS
NICE?
>> OH, MY GOODNESS, IT'S SO NICE.
>> COLONEL JACK HASTINGS IS OUR KEY BACK INTO THE GREAT NOW
SWING STATE OF WISCONSIN.
>> HE JUST DOESN'T KNOW IT YET.
CAN I BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH YOU, NO BULL.
>> IT WOULD BE NICE.
MY DAUGHTER'S HERE.
>> THAT WAS YOUR DAUGHTER WITH HER ARM UP THE COW?
GUYS LIKE ME DON'T KNOW HOW TO TALK TO GUYS LIKE YOU.
DO YOU HAVE A BOTTLE OPENER?
>> NO, IT'S A TWIST-OFF.
MAYBE HE DOES NEED A BOTTLE OPENER.
>> BUT I WOULD LIKE TO OFFER MY SERVICES.
( MOOING ) >> QUIET THE COW, PLEASE!
TO HELP YOU RUN FOR MAYOR.
AND IF YOU COULD GET SOME TO FACE FRONT!
I'M TELLING YOU JACK COULD BE THE REAL DEAL.
THE CAMPAIGN HAS THE ATTENTION OF THE NATIONAL REPUBLICAN
PARTY.
>> WHY ARE YOU HERE?
CRUSHING THE LAST PIECE OF HOPE IN YOUR EYES GETS ME OFF.
NICE TO SEE YOU.
YOU LOOK FAT.
I'M GOING TO MAKE A BIG DEAL OF THIS!
>> ON HERE, BOYS.
GAME ON.
>> TONS OF PREP, LOTS OF MONEY.
HIS SEEMS A BIT CRAZY.
DON'T PUT ALL THE BLACK ONES IN THE CENTER.
HE'S RUNNING AS A MODERATE.
>> THIS IS THE A TEAM.
ALL YOU HAVE IS FEAR.
>> 20 BUCKS SAYS I DO BETTER WITH FEAR THAN YOU DO WITH
SHAME.
>> THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY CAN'T WIN.
THEY'RE GETTING DESPERATE.
THIS IS REALLY JUST ANOTHER PERFECT EXAMPLE OF THE D.C.
ELITE TRYING TO DECK AT A TIME HOW WE SHOULD LEAVE.
>> THAT'S WE, YOU'RE D.C. ELITE.
NO, I'M ACTUALLY FROM HERE.
THAT'S A LIE.
THAT'S A LIE!
>> NO.
WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING?
I'M FROM HERE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> NO -- ♪
♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: "IRRESISTIBLE" WILL BE IN THEATERS THIS SPRING
AND YOU CAN SEE THE TRAILER AT IRRESISTIBLEFILM.COM.
JON STEWART, EVERYBODY!
BACK IN THE PIT!