hey guys welcome back to my channel and hope you're all doing awesome if you are
new here my name is Healy and I post videos every Tuesday and Friday and I
would love you that red subscribe button down below I would love to get to know
you all so if you haven't been following along on my journey I am in the top 100
for the next biggest youtuber contest and things are crazy
voting is back and forth and neck-and-neck and I would love to be in
that top 5 at the end of the week so if you haven't already today would you
please vote for me my link to vote is down in my description section it
literally takes two seconds or you click the link click like click vote and
you're done I would really appreciate it as you can tell by the title and
something off this video I'm gonna be talking a little bit about a sensitive
subject that a lot people don't like talking about we're going to talk about
my anxiety and we're going to talk about a little bit of my social anxiety and
just how it feels like to me and how this competition is putting my anxiety
on edge I'm going to be open with you guys and hope you guys understand where
I'm coming from that this is my personal journey
I know anxiety is different for every single person this is how I feel this is
how I'm coping but don't leave any hateful comments if you don't like this
video and don't like the topic just click out just don't worry about it
because I know a lot of people in a lot of my viewers are struggling with
anxiety and I kind of people reach out to me and want to talk about their
anxiety and I hope this resignate and clicks with someone even it's just one
person can get a little piece of information or a little bit of help out
of this video that's all that matters to me so I'm going to go take a drink of
water and we're going to talk about so anxiety as long as I can remember I've
always been anxious I've always been shy and an introvert I've never been the one
to speak out on someone or stand up for somebody or stand up for myself and for
that matter I've always just been me in a shell and I figured that's how I would
always be and that's why it's so weird for my family to be saying things like I
never would expect you to do this or I would have never pictured you to do this
and a lot of those comments have started coming in more since being in the next
biggest youtuber contest as well as being shared all over my
personal social media as well as in our local paper I just been getting comments
like I would have never pictured you to do this I would have never thought you'd
be this and I just comments like that gave me anxiety and just it kind of irks
me the wrong way just because what what should I what else should I be doing if
I wasn't doing YouTube if I wasn't doing this contest what what would you expect
me to be doing because I know people aren't expecting me to be on YouTube
because I am so shy and so introverted and I don't use my words per se I try to
use my words with you guys and I just I've always been anxious the moment I
can remember being anxious and thinking it was anxiety or social anxiety or
whatever was in middle school I was really really bullied in middle school
and that didn't help at all that had some other issues along with it and I
can talk about that in another video if you want me to but I struggled so much
in middle school and that's the one time like you're really trying to find out
who you are and to not be judged and you're just really trying to focus on
who you are and all I was in middle school was a bullied kid with short hair
and I didn't have anything else I didn't play sports I wasn't a cheerleader I
wasn't popular and I always remember being anxious and
not wanting to go to school I always remember getting stomachaches I hated
going big places I didn't want to go anywhere I just I didn't want to I
didn't like the feeling of doing anything and that's my first memory is
middle school and just heating it and hating myself hating everything around
me and as I grew up and I went into high school and it kind of that better
as you can say I think I just made myself more busier so I wouldn't notice
it as much I started playing sports I started
trying to make new friends and I have always been a loner kid that's like just
grabbed and adopted by another friend group but yeah that's pretty much how my
life was and I really remember struggling in high school physically
emotionally mentally and I hated it and as I grew older and
had kids and got married my anxiety has gotten worse I have actually gotten more
socially anxious I was never really super socially anxious when I was
younger yeah I didn't like going to places and meeting in people but now I
get physically ill socially big places freak me out and even just talking about
going somewhere big is scaring me and so when I think of CVX live and all these
big things coming yeah I'm freaking nervous I'm awkward I'm shy I'm
introverted I don't know what to say I don't be judged I don't know how to feel
and but going to places that have like-minded people like youtubers and
bloggers and bloggers and social media influences they can connect I've met so
many introverted infj weirdos at these conventions that I have in real life and
I am so grateful for that because a lot of us shy introverted people are
bloggers here on YouTube and that might surprise you but a lot of us are going
big places it freaked me out I hate going grocery shopping like that's not
as bad it doesn't freak me out as much but like dance recitals for the kids or
their preschool graduations I'm I'm a hot mess I'm freaking out I get the
nervous shakes I'm sweating I'm gross even going need a haircut freaks me out
because there's new people in the salon I just I don't know who's going to be
there I've never met them I've got to talk to them to have to say something it
makes me nervous so I'm always thinking what do I say what do I do
do I do this do I have this wreck like what do I do and that's what social
anxiety feels for me I feel like I'm rambling and not making any sense in
this video and I'm really sorry about that I didn't have a script for this I
procrastinated as usual just because this contest has so much of my mind
taken away from me but I don't take any anxiety medication I didn't like how I
felt on it and I do have anxiety medicine on
standby if I do need it like four big super things I can take medicine to calm
myself down bring me back to reality but right now for my anxiety I just try to
take mental health breaks if you don't follow me on social media yesterday I
took the mental health break from social media I wasn't posting about the contest
I wasn't on checking numbers all day because that gives me anxiety just
checking the numbers of the contest and I just took a break and mentally health
breaks and just falling away from everyone and always surrounding myself
with Kempe and the girls and whoever other family members are around me that
helps just breaking away getting a little bit of reality and trying to
forget about the things that make me nervous if you wear crystals for anxiety
I do do daily Carter ease for my anxiety and I know I keep looking over here and
not just because it's hard to talk to people and look at you because it makes
it more real I've had people call me mean and
ignorant and stuck-up because of my anxiety I guess that's just how I come
off when I'm in public places because I don't know what to say
I might not talk because I'm afraid of embarrassing myself or having you judge
me on what I do say um when I go to public places and big events I try to
push my anxiety aside and just try to be in the moment and then go back to my
hotel and freak out later when I don't go to a baby shower or a wedding or
another big celebration I don't do it because I don't want to go I do it
because I can't mentally and physically I just can't so when I hear people say
mental illness and anxiety and depression is all in your head you're
crazy you don't know what you're saying I take it personally
because it is real I'm ruining my makeup but it is real and people do struggle
and I do struggle in putting up this video I'm going to have severe anxiety
because hello I'm talking about anxiety and I'm being open and vulnerable to
over 2500 people and whoever else sees this it's not subscribe to my channel
this video is so long already I'm just mumbling and I hope I'm making any that
descent and he put a joke this out I just want you guys to know if you're
struggling I think the idea depression you're not alone talk to people get a
therapist go to the doctor get on anxiety meds if you need to talk that's
why I love YouTube is because I can talk I can tell people what I'm feeling and I
can connect to other people who understand I'm so grateful for YouTube
and what in brought me and
I just want you guys to know if you ever meet me in person and I'm shy and
awkward and weird just approach me I might not do the approaching because I'm
nervous just come say hi I have a hard time making the first step so if you
guys want to say hi to me like please don't hesitate to reach out and like
yell what's up cuz I'll be like yo girl what's up and once I get out of my own
head I'm really fine I'm really okay but that's how my anxiety affects me and my
social anxiety I don't even think I made any sense in this video but that's just
what social and regular anxiety baize me feel I don't feel anxious like this all
the time I go through spurts especially when there's like a big contest and
other people is atending on my outcome and that really makes me anxious I hope
I help someone even if I didn't make any sense at all in this video I know I just
rambled and kind of just went crazy I can that's why I like about no script
and being vulnerable because of whatever I want to say just comes out in it too
real and its raw and I hope you guys understand I hope you guys still love me
and will support me I love you guys so much so so much and I'm so great for
each and every one of you I'm going to end it before I have a full meltdown um
but thank you guys so much for watching um if you guys want more videos on how I
cope and how I ease my anxiety I guess you would say or like my story of where
it started or middle school and all that just just thumbs up this video or let me
know please don't forget to subscribe and please don't forget to vote I will
see you guys in my next video but until then stay positive hi guys