Magic in the Morning, it's Monday morning
And our special guest is Russell Brand
Good morning!
Good morning, good morning
Thank you so much for coming in
I'm honoured to be in this room.
You listen in the gym, don't you?
That's right, this will be on in the gym.
Sadly I won't be able to hear myself
Although I am listening to me right now.
But yeah, this would be played in my gym
Where I get moderately fit.
Your fellow gym mates will be listening to you, though.
A lot of them try to cut off emotionally
I think when you were saying,
"Coming up, Russell Brand",
At that point, some of them may have Van Goghed their way out of that situation.
Switch to Smooth.
Or chop their ear off
I mean, switching to Smooth is a less radical solution.
If only Van Gogh had said:
"Instead of cutting my ear off, I'll just switch to Smooth"
Some would say that's worse!
No they definitely would say that, we would...
You've got a new tour!
Re-Birth.
I went to see the Messiah Complex.
Thank you.
I was exhausted at the end of it.
Honestly, think about me, mate.
Really hard work in the audience.
Watch it, because–
Thankfully, you weren't one of the people who were dragged off afterwards.
That's where the real work began.
I suppose it was sort of, in a way...
Messiah Complex was about icons, iconography and heroism
And Re:Birth is about –
Look at me now, there've been a lot of changes
I'm a father now
I've had a mad few years
Working in media
working in Hollywood
So in a way, it's my attempt to understand that
And get something out of that
And is rebirth possible?
Particularly at a time when so many of us feel like we need it
Is rebirth possible?
It's got to be, hasn't it
It's all throughout culture, the idea of metamorphosis
It's like when snakes shed their skin, there's a really good word for that.
It's a surprising word, something like...
'Sedatic' or 'sebratic'
Someone will know, one of your listeners will know.
Yeah, they're a clever bunch.
Much cleverer than I am.
So is Re:Birth a lot about becoming a dad, being a dad?
Yeah, and it's about how becoming a parent has changed me, has changed my opinion of
myself
It's changed my sense of priorities in the world
And how it becomes more important to engage with the way we see the world
Totally
And as you say, at the moment
I'm a relatively new dad, a little bit ahead of you
I've got twins, that are just over 2
Congratulations, mate
Just over 2
So I can give you many a tip
And your little girl's what, 3 months?
My baby daughter is 3 months old
She's waking up 3 times in the night
My girlfriend feeds her, so I am able to somewhat escape the hardcore nighttime aspects of this.
But I tell you what though,
Everything is different, isn't it?
Your whole identity becomes different.
There's just a whole new person living in the house.
We've made a relative.
What do you do?
You'll like this relative, though.
It's a relative that I like, yeah
It's a good job it's not just another uncle
You do not want another Uncle John
Don't want him turning up in the house, all demanding
Kicking around, hoofing up carrots out of the allotment
But you're right, it's scary.
And your emotions change so much
So when you watch
Things on the telly affect you more
I don't know if you find this
When you see the ads for various things, like ads for dogs and stuff like that
You become much more emotional about everything
And as you say, you think about the world
You think, what's the world going to be like in 20 years, when my little one's grown up
a bit?
I suppose having a child,
it does overwhelm the general conditioning for self-centredness
Like thinking, all that matters is that I look nice
And I find the right hair products
It suddenly becomes a secondary note
Absolutely, and you spend the rest of your life
With just a little snot patch on your shoulder at all times
Even when you've washed your top
I don't think there's one on that one, though
Is that a new one?
Like, this morning
I kissed her before I went out to work
But I didn't pick her up
Or give her any opportunity to do that
Sometimes you can do it
Like, projectile vomiting –
It's surprising, like snake venom
Like 'ah!'
Like a little jet of it
The trajectory is sufficient for it to actually leave the mouth entirely
Like it's without trace, like a bullet
And absolutely no warning whatsoever
They can be smiling and giggling
Then, bam.
Just arrives
Without warning
What terrifying times we live in.
Mine are just about to get out of their cots, now.
Are they?
It's a scary time.
They're sussing the cots
"I might just climb my way out"
What have you got, boys?
One of each, a boy and a girl.
Oh, cool!
The girl is so much worse than the boy.
We've worked out how to get the grow bag thing that they live in
We've now tied up the two zips at the bottom
And we've stitched up the arms, so she can't quite pull her arms out.
She's Hannibal Lector-ed up nicely.
Yeah, she is.
You know, like Hannibal Lector, when he's like
"Oh, when you see your daughter"
I mean that's not necessarily how he sounds
I make no promises in that area.
But Hannibal Lector does need to be strapped up sometimes.
Absolutely.
Have you been left on your own with her yet?
Oh yeah.
That's scary, isn't it.
Yeah, not a lot, but on notable occasions
Well yesterday, we were on our own
We were on our own, and I put on Peppa Pig
Like, why not
And she was looking at it for a while
It was quite a good episode actually
But then it was one where they were playing a computer game
Daddy Pig and George and Peppa
And my daughter stopped being interested in that narrative
Long before I had become tired of it
And she cried
And I had to negotiate, like
"What is this? What do you want?"
A lot of the time, it's "stand up and hold me"
She seems to detect a distinct difference between sit-down hold and stand-up hold
So I don't know, I'm holding the baby a lot
I'm standing up a lot
Things have changed
It sounds like you've got it off to a T here
Thanks mate
Google Wheels on the Bus
And you'll get a whole hour after that
of really weird kids' nursery rhymes
Trancy versions of them
Oh, I'd like that
Indian, kind of, Punjabi versions of them as well
I'd like that
Just Google Wheels On The Bus
Any way of getting Bhangra culture into my daughter
I'm up for
So, what else about Re:Birth?
Tell us what else you can expect.
I'll be talking about the mad year that I had
There's a personal address from Donald Trump in it
When Donald Trump-
I've got a lovely bit of footage of him
criticising me
I've got amazing footage of things I was doing in politics
I've got what I feel about what's happening politically
Now, and how that relates to the personal
And in my case, how it relates to the spiritual
One of the things that's really good –
Every person that comes,
They fill in a survey
And there's questions on there that you wouldn't believe
"What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?"
"What's the worst thing you've ever said to anyone?"
"What's the worst bit of parenting advice you've ever [given]?"
Proudest sexual memory
Your most embarrassing sexual memory
People just put it down in a survey, and give it to a show-off!
Me!
Crazy
Just write 'no comment'
It's like the British Arms Trade
Don't give that to them, you idiot!
They'll misuse it!
But we've got a bit survey going on on the show this morning:
We're asking people
"When was the last time they hid as an adult?"
Can you remember?
Mine was the other day, when my friend turned up and I didn't want to be in because she
talks a lot
Hold on, you're on the radio, mate
What are you doing?
I don't talk a lot, not compared to her
No I'm saying, she's going to know that you were in!
And you lay on the floor!
She doesn't like me that much.
Yeah, I lay on the floor
And she knew I was there
Because she kept knocking
Come on!
And she peered through the lounge window
Oh, that's embarrassing
Where were you, behind the sofa?
Well I was on the floor, and I sort of crawled towards that general direction.
The sanctuary of the sofa.
Yeah.
When did I last hide as an adult...
I mean, I've not indulged in any criminal activity for quite a long time.
I'm not trying to catch you out, here.
There's no sort of, jumping over hedges
Or being in an airport toilet
Out of breath, trousers and pants down
Frantically trying to make a compromise of myself and the smuggling laws.
Anything I have done like that,
it would have been quite innocuous.
I tend to face up to things, these days.
To the consequences of my actions
With that friend
Like, phone always on silent
House phone, I try not to answer it
Basically, I'm thinking of going to live in a burrow.
Not a bad idea
With the way the world is at the moment.
Just come out and do the odd Re:Birth, then get back in.
Shoot back in with the other badgers.
Back into the burrow.
Russell, we've got a guy on the phone who says he knows you.
Quite possible, I've lived a very diverse life
and I've got nothing to be ashamed of.
There is a picture of him and you, here
That he's sent through
So he's definitely been in the same space as you
Let's see if he remembers you
"Morning, mystery person!"
Good morning, Russell, and other person
How are you?
Ooh, I like the sound of him already
I think we could really crack on, me and this guy
So give Russell a couple of clues
without saying, as to where you met and how you met?
Russell, you were doing a film in London on the 6th floor of a hotel
I remember that day
That was doing Get Him To The Greek
In Hanover Square, or something like that
No, that was the other square
But we moved to a hotel, further down by the river, underneath the Millennium Wheel
Oh yeah Iknow that, I know where you're saying
Yeah, and something happened didn't it, when you were filming down there?
Something always happens mate, it's me.
I'm always going to struggle
What was it?
Tell me specifically, as long as it's like... legal
Announce it to the listeners of Magic!
It's definitely legal
What happened was
I was a chauffeur
And somebody didn't turn up to do a part in a scene with you
Aww!
Hahaha.
Is it all clicking in now?
Yeah, it is.
This guy can do it, he's brilliant!
Yeah, here you are, and here is the actual evidence!
Oh my god, you look so much
in your underpants
You are a beauty
I tell you listeners
I'm sure this has been put up on Magic's social media
We could do, let's tweet it
Yeah, how lovely to see you.
Please remind me of your name?
I tell you what, I remember your buttocks perfectly.
Hahaha.
It's Alan Moore
But-
Alright, Alan.
I was probably known that day as 'Speedo Man'
I do remember that, I remember that whole business
That was a curious affair, wasn't it
Down that hotel, right off Westminster Bridge, I think
That's right
But the thing that most listeners will care about is seeing you in these
Snakeskin print, lurid, technicolour speedo underpants.
Lovely kettle on your wrist
Gorgeous torso, if you don't mind me saying.
Alan, if they're looking for another James Bond
I might be good as the villain
But if they want someone to fill Craig's blue trunks,
then look no further than this image here.
It's Mooresey the trucker!
Moorsey!
Thank you so much for coming on.
We're going to tweet that picture to the world.
Thank you so much
It's already been round half of Watford and St Albans
Watford is the world.
And St Albans is the Milky Way.
Russell, you take care and I hope the show goes well.
I know you're in Watford, but-
If you want to come, I'll be in Watford
We'll sort you out, mate, with tickets.
Get in touch
I wouldn't accept your money, not now I've seen you in your underpants.
Hahaha.
There you go, just got yourself a free pair of tickets to Re:Birth, well done.
Cheers Alan.
Cheers!
Russell, on that bombshell
We've got to go!
Thank you so much for coming in this morning.
Thanks for having me
I've got your phone, mate
Never leave an idiot with your phone.
Alright, there you go, take that
Tickets to Re:Birth are on sale
Go and see him – very funny man.
Russell Brand, thank you
Good luck with the little girl, as well
You're so kind, and good luck with your kids.