I get to work with a lot of entrepreneurs, business owners, executives
and the question comes up all the time about how to balance work and family life.
I think as long as I have worked with entrepreneurs, business owners,
executives, common issue that comes up all at the time, how do i balance work
and family and other priorities? So let's jump right into that. I think it's a
misnomer. Meaning, I think that we have defined this in a way that doesn't even
make sense. Balance? What do we mean by balance?
Usually balance means things are very equally balanced so that doesn't get off
balance, right? And where that's a useful analogy in some ways I think when it
comes to work and family and other priorities, I don't think we're looking
for balance because not everything is as important as everything else. What that
means is, there are times when we need to give more attention to this which
implies that we're going to be giving less attention to that and then there will be
other times when this is doing okay and now we need to give more attention to
this which means we're not going to give as much attention to that. Do you see what
I'm saying? This time right now that I'm spending with you, I am not spending with
my family. It doesn't mean that they're not important, it means right now in this
moment, I need to spend more attention here and my life today is very out of
balance in that way. So we're not looking for balance, I think what we're looking
for is priority and there's also a sense of appropriateness and urgency that we
get to balance and some things will become words and so we're going to give it
more time. You get what I'm talking about? The problem that I see a lot of people
running into is they start sacrificing things of greater worth. I went through a
bankruptcy 10 years ago, I know about sacrificing things of greater worth
and you can't do that and sustain. You always want to trade up so that you're
increasing the value in your life, what that means is, we get to to let go of
things of lesser worth in order to pay attention to things of greater worth.
You're with me? Let's get that priority straightened out first and then it's
going to make more sense how we're going to balance work and family or give it
the proper priority and attention so I think that this falls into a context and
I want to put this context in into five key relationships. Five key relationships
that happen in this particular order so we're going to list them from the highest
priority to the lowest priority. Disclaimer, this is just my opinion, okay.
It's Dr. Paul's opinion but I've earned this opinion through 23 years of
clinical practice and through about a half a century on the planet, that's why
I'm coming from where I am and I've tried to observe during that time what
works and what doesn't work and I think that this is consistent in what I've
observed. So relationship number one, the highest priority, creator. I'm not here as
your spiritual guide, that's not what I want this video to be but I am
acknowledging that as human beings, we need to come to terms with at some point
our source. Where did we come from and whatever your beliefs are about that is
fine as you connect with your relationship with your Creator, with your
source, with where you come from. Now with that one in place, we're going to
drop down to number two. Number two is self. The relationship with self. Some
people skip this one, they don't even realize it's a relationship and they go
about being so kind and compassionate and loving and serving to everyone
except for one, where they are harsh and demanding and unforgiving or right here
at home, it's a relationship, how you treat yourself matters. I think about all
the time when I'm flying on an airplane and you know when you're taxiing out on
the away and they go through their little
safety routine, you're supposed to follow along in your laminated card, I've been
doing that and as they go through the safety routine they tell you, just in
case you've been in a coma for 20 years, how to fasten a seat belt. At some point,
they get to this part about the oxygen masks, you know, the attractive yellow
ones that fall from the ceiling and you're supposed to fasten it on your
head with a little rubber band so that you can breathe if you lose cabin
pressure. At that point, they always say if you're traveling with young children
or someone who needs assistance, please put your own mask on first and then
assist that person that you're traveling with. Why do they say that? Because our
natural tendency is to "Oh, I got to take care of this. Oh, I need to help that
person." and we neglect the most important resource that we have to offer and that
is ourselves. I teach this in parenting seminars all the time because parents
want to take care of those kids, right? The very best gift you can give your kid
is a functioning parent, a functional adult in their life that can actually
take care of things. If you're out cold in the aisle, you're in the way, you're
part of the problem now. If you're really going to assist people, you got to take
care of yourself, get your own mask on first so that's why self comes
second and a lot of times, as I'm talking to executives or entrepreneurs who are
so extended in their work they have forgotten to take care of the number one
asset that they have to bring to the equation. You got to take care of
yourself, you have to at some point or else you're gonna lose the asset.
Now let's go on to number three. I believe that number three is family in terms of
the importance of your relationships and a lot of people will agree with me on
this but just check in with where you are with this. The most important people
in your life are your family and and there's a lineup within family, it goes
in this order, spouse, children, extended family in that order. Notice I'm not
saying that extended family isn't important, they made the list. I'm saying
that you get it in that order and you're going to have a
better chance of success because one supports the next which supports the
next. That's why we've got a list of priorities this way. After family comes
other people. All of you business people out there,
this means your clients, your customers, the people who are buying your service
or product, they fall at level four, alright. I'm not saying they're not
important either, they made the list too but they're not as important as your
family. You got to take care of them, yes, if you do that at the neglect of your
family, there will be regrets. This is the context, that's why we've got to get
clear about the priorities and they are important so let's take care of the
family which puts us in position to take care of all those other people out there
including your clients, including your customers, including people in your
neighborhood, people at the church, people at the synagogue, people down at the gym,
people in the community, starving children in Africa, they all make the
list because people are important but they're not as important to you as your
family. Are we clear about that? And nobody's going to take care of your
family like you can. Now let's go to the fifth level, things including property,
including business holdings, including money. You have a relationship with all
of that stuff too but it's stuff. I love that my sister has a little pillow
that's sitting on her couch, it's got a cross-stitch saying on it, this says, the
most important things in life are not things. Love that and that is so true in
my experience. So we're going to take care of the things, we're going to take care of
the business, we're going to take care of the customers and the other people in
their proper order. I think the biggest mistake that we can make that gets our
lives so to speak out of balance is when we sacrifice things of greater value and
we never feel right about where we are when we're sacrificing things of greater
value. So I've shared the five key
relationships with you to try to put a structure or a format around that that
could make sense. One of the questions you might ask comes from the lyrics of a
song that I like written by Michael McClain who's a
brilliant lyricist and songwriter and the the particular theme of this song
is, are you giving the least to those who matter most or are you sharing your best
with those who really aren't that close? Well, it's time to turn around and find
out where your greatest joys are found. This is true in my own life, I've seen it
in so many of my clients. We get those things in order and things start to
click. There's an image that I sometimes share that drives this home, that
headstone reads, "Dr. Paul Jenkins. If only I had spent more time at the office."
You never see a headstone that reads that, do you? Yeah, there's a lot of
reasons for that. I like the way that Hyrum W. Smith put this, he said, and I
quote, bring the events of your life into alignment with what's most important to
you and you have a right to inner peace. That sounds better to me than balance.
Okay, so maybe we're not going to work on balance but we can get things into a
priority that is going to serve us well and I'll bet you know someone who could
be used this video. Share it.