- In this video, I'm gonna show you
how to never get ghosted again
by simply doing this one thing that I share with you
that changes everything.
Now, first off, if you've been ghosted,
which simply means that there was someone
that was investing energy into you,
maybe you were going on dates with them
or maybe you haven't even gone out on a date yet
but you were communicating with them,
and then all of a sudden like that, (fingers snapping)
communication just stops.
They're not reaching out to you anymore.
They're not making plans to hang out anymore.
And it leaves you wondering, "What is wrong?
What did I do? What the hell is going on?"
Now, first off, understand that with ghosting,
let me also first say that I have been somebody in the past,
I speak from experience with this.
There's woman I've dated in the past where I have ghosted.
And I'll tell you my perspective of it.
I've been through a transformation
over the last couple years of my own masculinity
and I'll share with you why I used to do it
and why I no longer do it, all right?
And I don't do it anymore as well
because I'm in a relationship.
But in general,
the reason I was somebody that was ghosting back in the day
is because I had my own vulnerability blocks.
Which means rather than telling somebody
that I'm either too busy or not interested,
I would instead not communicate.
And I had it happen a few times where somebody,
I would either go out with somebody
and then something would happen
to where then we didn't, the communication stopped.
And sometimes it was because I was busy.
Sometimes it was because I just wasn't interested.
And sometimes it was just because. It just happened.
And it wasn't something that was necessarily
at all this person's fault.
So also understand is when somebody ghosted you,
it may not be your fault at all.
It could be that this person is busy, first off.
It could be that they are busy.
That is something that could be true.
And also, especially if somebody
is constantly texting somebody else,
it may be the person's busy,
they don't have time to respond.
Also, sometimes texting too much can have a negative impact
if it's texting from a place
of wanting someone else's approval or validation.
So that could also be somewhat of the case.
Sometimes we develop a story in our mind
where this person hasn't reached back in two hours,
they ghosted me.
Maybe give it a little bit longer than two hours.
Now on the other side of it though,
being ghosted might actually be a very good thing.
The reason being,
now this isn't something that you necessarily want,
but understand that what ghosting is
is it's a communication issue.
It's a communication.
It's a lack of communication or lack of vulnerability.
So what has happened is somebody stopped talking.
Maybe they are not interested anymore.
And then what happens
is maybe you were wanting a relationship,
you weren't wanting to go deeper,
but they weren't ready to meet you there.
Doesn't mean it's your fault
or something wrong with you, you're not worthy.
It simply means
that maybe they don't have the emotional capacity,
their emotional availability to go deep with you right now.
And maybe they have other things they're focused on.
So this is something to realize
that it could be a very good thing.
Now, another thing you could do, if you do get ghosted,
one thing you could do is you could literally text them
and see, "Is everything okay?
The energy seemed to shift between us.
Is everything okay?"
And you could even say like, "Am I being ghosted? LOL."
And as weird as that maybe to text,
just don't do it after two hours.
Imagine it's only been two hours like, "Am I being ghosted?"
It's okay. Maybe you jump into conclusions.
But if you reach out to somebody that you were talking to
that you wanted to stay connected to,
and then a day or two later,
they haven't responded and you text them
and then a day or two after that, they don't text you,
then you can send them text.
It's like, "Hey, am I being ghosted? LOL."
And by doing so, you're being very direct.
You're leading with being vulnerable
even though it could be,
he's like, "Yes, actually, I'm not interested."
And guess what? You've saved yourself time.
The key to this is what is called clear communication.
And that's why it's also good from the very beginning
to clearly communicate your intentions with somebody else,
where you clearly communicate,
"Oh, I'm attracted to you.
I'd like to go out again with you."
Or something like that and then that sets the bar.
That sets the clear communication
where then they can be clear with you.
Sometimes people end up in this no man's land
where it's like kind of a gray zone.
It's like are we dating? Are we not dating?
Sometimes the guy may not even know
if you really like him or not.
So that's why it's really powerful
to communicate with clear communication.
Now, for me, the reason I used to do that
to why I would never do that now if I were single,
I'm in a relationship,
but it would be because now I am not afraid
of being honest, of being vulnerable.
Before, I was.
I was afraid of rejecting somebody else
or I was afraid of being honest.
Because I was afraid that if I was honest,
I would be the bad person.
I'd be the bad guy.
And that wasn't something that I wanted.
And what I would then do instead
is I would just completely avoid communication.
Then I would also sometimes just say, "Oh, I'm very busy."
And sometimes I would be busy,
but didn't happen that much in the past
now that I think about it.
But it did happen a few times.
I do remember ghosting someone
and then they posted
on like social media indirectly about me.
This is not someone any of you guys know, by the way.
This is somebody from like years ago.
But I remember reading social media like,
"This person, like somebody ghosted me.
He's a dick."
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
I remember reading it and being like, "Wow.
Like I didn't even know I was doing that.
I was like, yeah, I guess.
And I kinda, I could have just been more honest
from the beginning.
This is like, what, 2017.
It was a long time ago that this happened.
However, it was a lack of vulnerability on my part
that I could have just been more honest.
And being more honest
may have also been easy for that person.
But now I see that it's very powerful
to have clear communication,
to clearly communicate what my desires are,
my intentions are.
And if I'm not interested in someone,
it would be to be honest there as well.
So in general, let's also take this a step deeper
when it comes to being ghosted.
Let's realize that one of the biggest wounds
that almost everybody has at a certain level
is an abandonment wound.
It's when we were kids, when we were younger,
mom or dad or a caretaker
either physically or emotionally left.
Maybe they weren't there
when you were going through something.
Maybe they actually physically left.
Maybe they were emotionally not present.
Whatever it was, something happened
and then we decided,
we started to believe there's something wrong with me,
which is the energy of shame.
I'm broken, something wrong with me,
and then also a story that people leave me.
People may invest energy and then take away that energy.
And there's a story there.
And then what happens,
in order to compensate for all of these things,
what we may do is become a people pleaser,
may overly give or be very nice
or try to not put people to feel tension.
So we might sugarcoat things or ghost
instead of having to go into the tension
to actually say what we're really thinking or feeling.
So this is about becoming aware of that energy
and realizing that this may be a replaying of energy
that came from childhood.
So take it as a blessing that now you can become aware
of the autopilot story that is there.
Because our stories, our beliefs about reality
are constantly being reflected back to us.
So if we believe that people leave us, then guess what?
Self-fulfilling prophecy: The universe reflects that back.
We attract people into our lives
that do invest a little bit of energy and then remove it.
And that's why one of the best things we can actually do
is become aware of what these beliefs are,
be aware of what these patterns are,
because in a weird twisted way,
we may also be attracted to people that ghost us
because it reminds us of childhood.
It reminds us of being ghosted as a kid,
of abandoned as a kid.
And there's something that feels familiar
and safe about it to chase that, to follow that,
to be attracted to that.
And the 90% of all transformation, by the way,
is simply awareness,
becoming aware of these beliefs, aware of these stories.
I've realized in the past that I had this energy
to where I would choose people that wouldn't choose me
because I was familiar with that energy when I was a kid
and I honestly wasn't choosing myself.
Also ask yourself this question:
Have I ever ghosted myself?
Do you ever ghost yourself?
Have you ever abandoned yourself?
Maybe in the past you left your,
you became not present.
You started and stopped doing
what actually fills up your own cup.
And the real ghosting
is not actually that the other person ghosted you.
It's that they reflected something
that you believed to be true about yourself
and you maybe emotionally or physically ghosting yourself,
not being present
and then having the reflection of that.
And I'll tell you,
one of the things that guaranteed you won't get ghosted
is you change your belief that says that people leave.
You change your belief that says I'm not worthy.
You change your belief
and let go of believing I'm broken
or something wrong with me.
And even if you do get ghosted, guess what?
It happens less and less the more you become aware of it
and you don't choose people that would ghost you.
You start being very clear from the front,
from the beginning of what your intentions are.
You have clear communication.
Also a little side note:
Sometimes I think what happens too,
people start texting each other,
especially with like dating apps and stuff.
And then they text each other for like six freaking weeks
before meeting up and then guess what happens?
There's all this built up anticipation and expectation.
And then what happens?
They never actually meet up in person.
They never actually do it
because there's such high expectations
and there's anxiety that comes with that.
So one of the things
that I would highly recommend you become aware of with this
is the energy you're putting out
and just how you're showing up in the relationship.
Now, generally, texting, by the way,
texting and getting to know someone,
you should do a little bit on the phone,
but mainly in person.
That's one of the, I think, like something that happens
that really messes up and increases the chance
of someone being ghosted.
It's having like novels and novels and novels of texting
and communication and like dating apps and stuff
rather than using texting or dating apps
to meet up in person to get to know someone
like the good old days.
That's the best way you can connect.
It's with energy,
where you're in someone's else's field
and you're talking to them.
You're out doing some, maybe you're out.
I don't know. What would you do?
Go out to eat, go bowling, go to yoga, do whatever you do.
But the key to this is becoming aware
of what is the mechanism
of what texting and communication is there.
It's not to get to know somebody
and to date them through the digital world like that.
It's to get them and to see if you have something in common
and then to meet them in person
and then to go from there
because you'll make much deeper connections
and you'll also set the frame for interactions like that.
'Cause a lot of times ghosting,
obviously, is through text message.
Ghosting is through the digital world.
But one of the things I'd really encourage you to look at
is how are you ghosting yourself?
How are you abandoning yourself?
Are you choosing people that aren't choosing you
because you aren't choosing yourself?
Are you choosing emotionally unavailable people
because maybe you aren't being emotionally available
to yourself or allowing emotional availability in?
And one of the ways you let it in
is you lead with emotional vulnerability.
You lead with clear communication.
And as you're being clearly communicated how you feel
and where you are,
you will attract people that are also at that same level.
And if they do ghost you or leave,
it's a good thing because you're saving yourself time.
You don't wanna force yourself into a relationship
with somebody that is emotionally unavailable
or not interested.
So realize it's a good thing.
And also when it comes to rejection,
you can only be rejected
if you agree that that is rejection.
Like if you develop a story and say,
"Oh, my God, this person rejected me.
It means I'm not worthy.
I feel abandoned like I did when in childhood,"
and all this stuff, that's a story.
Realize that you can either,
you can reframe that rejection and say,
"There I am again being vulnerable and clearly communicating
because that's actually what I wanna attract in
by leading with that energy."
That person didn't want that.
They didn't say no to you.
They said no to emotional vulnerability
or a clear communication.
So realize that you don't have to internalize the rejection.
Had nothing to do with you.
The rejection was to the circumstance
to that person's own emotional availability.
And when you realize that,
it changes absolutely everything with that energy.
Now, one of the things that will change your life
more than anything is healing
and nurturing your own inner child.
That's where you can let go of the abandonment wound.
That's where you can start feeling more magnetic.
That's where you won't care about ghosting
because it won't be something you internalize.
So if you haven't listened to my inner child meditation,
it's absolutely free.
It's one of the most powerful meditations I've ever made.
You can go to aarondoughty.com/child
because it's inner child meditation
or click the link in the top of the description box below.
And then also if you wanna learn more
about the cure to the abandonment wound
that will change everything, watch this video right here.
The side effects of the abandonment wound
is that we will do anything we can to gain the approval
and the validation of other people.
And it's because we're not drawing that validation from self
because a kid, we weren't given that
or we weren't taught that.
So in this video, I just wanted to show you
what really helped me to heal my own abandonment.