- It's something that's so normal for so many women,
and yet, it's so foreign to me.
(gentle music)
I don't have my period because I was diagnosed
with premature ovarian failure when I was 14.
Your ovaries stop functioning.
I had one natural period and nothing happened after that.
- I am a transgender woman.
Transition has afforded me a great deal of benefits,
but I don't quite necessarily
have all of the bodily functions
that most cisgender women do.
- Two years ago, I had cervical cancer.
And I had to get a hysterectomy.
My fallopian tubes taken out, my uterus taken out,
and two inches of my vagina cut out.
But I actually have my ovaries still.
Basically, my period still happens inside me,
but I don't have a uterus, so.
The blood's still in there dissolving in me,
but I don't have a period, basically.
In terms of negative things,
it's mainly, like, when people, they act like,
oh, they know something happened,
but they're afraid to ask me.
And I'd rather them just say,
oh, do you like, do you still have your period?
Or what happened with,
do you still have your ovaries?
- I mean, I don't miss having to buy tampons
or pads every month or have to go
through that whole process.
But I miss the idea of being an ovulating woman,
in that sense, yeah.
- I always feel really bad when I see people
have to navigate the symptoms of having their period.
I think it's hard enough being a woman
on a daily basis, but then to have to carry
that sort of pain.
Not a fan.
- I've not felt like less
than a woman at all in any way.
But I've had a few other people put that on me.
Like my therapist at the time,
I don't think she ever had a cancer patient
or ever had anyone go through what I was going through.
And she was like, "Oh my god, you're getting a hysterectomy.
"You're not gonna be a woman anymore.
"Aren't you gonna?"
She said that to me.
Really kind of like, I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Some trans women want all of the experiences
that cisgender women have.
But me, personally, having a period is not one
that I would look forward to.
- You know, the idea of a woman being a woman
because she bears children.
That attitude towards me from other women,
that was really crushing.
In particular, I remembered an ex-boyfriend of mine.
We had remained friends.
And he started dating a woman
who was a bit jealous of the fact that him and I
had remained friends.
And she got particularly nasty one night
and texted me all these really nasty things.
And one of the things that she texted me was like,
"Well, at least I can have kids."
I just remember thinking like,
what a low blow.
- While I can't say that I've ever wanted a period,
there was a moment in my life
where I did want a family.
Because I can't have a period,
or because I don't have the reproductive functions
that a cisgender woman would,
there was a moment in my life
where I felt somewhat incomplete.
- Several people told me that I might cry
when I woke up after my surgery.
A lot of people were like, "You might wake up
"and just start crying and be like,
"I'm not a woman anymore, I don't have my uterus."
And I will say, I'm not belittling that
'cause I'm sure there are lots of women
who have like, for fertility reasons, are really bummed
they have to get a hysterectomy.
Maybe last minute, it's a surprise thing.
But I knew I was getting one.
I woke up, and I was just like, do I still have cancer?
I was just like, tell me they got all the cancer.
- When other women discuss periods,
it always, for me, it's something weird.
It always feels like it's like Twilight Zone
because it's something that's so normal
for so many women.
And yet, it's so foreign to me.
It's something that I, most of the time, I try to avoid.
If it's people that I know that I'm not
gonna really ever be around again,
I'll just kind of fake it
and pretend like I do have my period.
- There was a point where many of my friends
thought that I was a cisgender woman
and didn't know that I was trans.
So I would actually carry tampons with me,
and I would keep some under my bathroom sink
so that whenever they came over and asked if I had any,
I would say, "Sure, just look over in the cabinet
"next to the shampoo."
- I never wanna be a Debbie Downer
when everyone's in the bathroom
and be like, mm, I don't get my period anymore.
But also, I'm kinda psyched to not have my period anymore.
- I think it's laughable when people try to invalidate
my womanhood as a trans woman when they say things like,
"Well, you can't have a period,"
or "You can't have a child."
- If I could get my period again, would I?
If you would've asked me that 10 years ago,
I probably would've said yes, absolutely.
But ask me that today, no, I don't think so.
Because part of who I am today
is the fact that I have premature ovarian failure.
It's given me a lot of the strength I have today.
It's given me a lot of the perspective I have.
- Honestly, I wouldn't change it.
Again, my circumstances are different,
but with it being cancer,
I really feel like I did the right thing
because I didn't need radiation or chemo,
which is so awesome.
And I don't miss having my period at all.
- Periods don't make women women.
Perseverance makes them women.
Strength makes them women.
- I really feel like it's whatever makes you
feel like a woman.
Like, whatever specifically makes each person.
- I think a lot of what makes a woman a woman
is in the way she carries herself.
I think it's self-acceptance.
I think it's in all of those things
that makes a woman
know who she is
and go out and be exactly who she is every single day.
(gentle music)