>> Stephen: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, INFORMATION, OH,
KIDS.
OH, KIDS.
YOU KNOW MY GUEST AS THE HOST OF WHAT HAPPENS LIVE WITH ANDY
COHEN."
PLEASE WELCOME THE ALWAYS-LIVELY ANDY COHEN!
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU.
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU HAVE TIME TO DO ANYTHING WITH ALL THE
THINGS YOU DO.
YOU SQUEEZED US INTO YOUR SCHEDULE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> I APPRECIATE IT.
>> Stephen: ONE OF THE THINGS I LOVE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT,
YOU'RE AN OPEN BOOK.
>> I AM AN OPEN BOOK.
T.M.I.
>> Stephen: YOUR BOOK "SUPERFICIAL: MORE ADVENTURES
FROM THE ANDY COHEN DIARIES" JUST CAME OUT IN SOFTBACK TODAY.
>> YESTERDAY, PAPERBACK.
A GREAT BEACH READ.
>> Stephen: GREAT BEACH READ BECAUSE IF IT GETS WET, YOU CAN
RING IT OUT.
IT'S FANTASTIC.
>> THAT'S NOT WHY IT'S A GREAT BEACH READ.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU STILL KEEPING A DIARY?
>> YOU KNOW, I'M NOT.
THAT'S TWO YEARS OF MY LIFE, AND IT BECAME EXISTENTIALLY
EXHAUSTING.
>> Stephen: DID YOU ONLY DIARY FOR THOSE TWO YEARS.
>> I DID IT BEFORE THAT.
IT WAS MY SECOND BOOK OF DIARY.
I HAD THE OCCASION TO HAVE TEA WITH THE QUEEN OF SOUL LAST
MONTH, ARETHA FRANKLIN, AND I WAS LIKE, I THINK I MIGHT NEED
TO START WRITING ANOTHER BOOK.
I DID WRITE THAT DOWN.
SHE SUMMONED ME TO TEA.
>> Stephen: I HAVE NEVER BEEN INVITED TO TEA WITH ARETHA
FRANKLIN OR RUTH BARED GINSBURG, OR ANYONE.
>> I THINK HE WANTED TO PRIME ME FOR INFORMATION ABOUT THE
"ATLANTA HOUSEWIVES" IF TRUTH BE TOLD.
>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?
>> WELL, I THOUGHT SHE WANTED TO COLLABORATE WITH ME ON
SOMETHING.
YES.
>> Stephen: DO A DUET?
>> >> THE AMAZING THING WAS AT THE
END OF THE CONVERSATION-- WE HUNG OUT ABOUT 40 MINUTES-- AND
SHE SAID, "LET ME GET YOUR NUMBER."
AND I SAID, "GREAT."
AND SHE PUT MY NUMBER IN HER PHONE AS,
"MR. COHEN/HOUSEWIVES."
WHICH WAS SO GREAT.
IF I MET YOU AT A BAR AND I WAS LIKE, "OH, MAN, THIS GUY.
LET ME GET YOUR NUMBER."
I WOULD PUT, LIKE, "STEPHEN WASPY SOUTHERNER."
SO I'M "MR. COHEN/HOUSEWIVES TO ARETHA FRANKLIN.
I LIKE IT, WHEN SHE BOOTY TEXTS ME LATER.
YEAH.
>> Stephen: AN DIERK YOU UP?
>> YEAH, RIGHT, EXACTLY.
>> Stephen: YOU PRODUCE-- HOW MANY SHOWS D DO YOU PRODUCE?
>> A LOT.
A LOT OF HOUSEWIVES.
I'M AN E.P. ON "LOVE CONNECTION" ON FOX.
>> Stephen: WHICH YOU'RE THE HOST OF.
NOT POLITICALLY, BUT JUST AS A PRODUCER OF REALITY TELEVISION.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PRODUCTION THAT WE'RE
GETTING OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE?
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT AS A DRAMA?
>> WELL, I THINK-- WELL, IT'S SOME KIND OF A DRAMA.
AND I THINK WHAT'S INTERESTING ABOUT THE PRESIDENT IS THAT
HE'S-- HIS RE-- HAS REMAINED AS A SEASON ONE "REAL HOUSEWIFE
ORANGE COUNTY."
SHE HAS NEVER-- USUALLY THEY EVOLVE AS THE YEARS AGO.
THERE'S A SEASON ONE VERSION WHO WILL DO ANYTHING TO STAY ON THE
SHOW.
AND THEN THEY EVOLVE, AND THEY GET THEIR MAKEUP AND HAIR RIGHT.
AND WE SAY, "LOOK, YOU HAVE TO WATCH WHAT YOU'RE DOING ON
TWITTER.
YOU'RE BEING CRAZY ON TWITTER."
SEASON TWO, THEY'RE BETTER.
HE'S STUCK IN THE SEASON ONE "HOUSEWIFE" MODE AND HAS A REAL
"HOUSEWIFE TAG LINE."
>> Stephen: HOLD OWAIT.
>> HE CAME UP WITH-- HE HAS MANY, BUT HE CAME UP WITH A TAG
LINE IN THE INTERVIEW HE DID WITH "TIME" MAGAZINE ABOUT TWO
MONTHS AGO.
AND IT WAS-- I CAN STAND AND DO IT?
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> IT WAS... "THINGS CAN'T BE THAT BAD.
I'M PRESIDENT, AND YOU'RE NOT."
( LAUGHTER ) I MEAN, THAT'S A GOOD TAG LINE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S A TAG FOR THE PROMO RIGHT THERE.
I WOULD WATCH THAT SHOW.
AND I DO.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: AND I DO WATCH THAT SHOW.
>> WE ALL DO.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT HE NEEDS?
HE NEEDS AN ANDY COHEN UPON.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: GO STRAIGHTEN THAT PLACE OUT.
>> JUST WHAT I WANT TO DO ( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: OKAY, YOU, I FOUND OUT TODAY, YOU USED TO HOST THE
"MISS UNIVERSE PAGEANT."
>> I HOSTED A FEW PAGEANT FOR HIM.
>> Stephen: WHAT WAS THAT LIKE?
>> IT WAS-- IT WAS FINE.
( LAUGHTER ) IT CAME TO THE POINT-- NO, I
ACTUALLY LOVED HOSTING THE PAGEANT.
>> Stephen: DID HE EVER COME INTO YOUR DRESSING ROOM
BACKSTAGE?
>> LIGHT GROPING-- NO.
IT GOT TO THE POINT WHERE THEY WERE BRINGING THE PAGEANT TO
MOSCOW, MISS UNIVERSE...
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: THAT'S DOSSIER, RIGHT?
>> RIGHT.
AND I E-MAILED THE HEADLINE OF THE ORGANIZATION, AND I SAID,
"LISTEN, YOU REALIZE THAT ALL THE PEOPLE INVOLVEED IN THE
PAGEANT WHO AREN'T THE WOMEN ARE DAY OF GAY DUDES.
AND YOU ARE BRINGING ALL THESE GAY GUYS TO RUSSIA WHERE PUTIN
HAD JUST PASSED A LOT OF ANTIGAY LEGISLATION.
I SAID, "I THINK THIS IS WRONG, AND I THINK YOU SHOULD
RECONSIDER, AND FOR ME TO HOST THE SHOW AND DIE TRAVELOGUE
ABOUT HOW GREAT MOSCOW IS, THAT SEEMS A LITTLE WEIRD."
AND SO THEY DIDN'T MOVE IT.
AND I SAID, "OKAY I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT."
AND WORD GOT OUT NAI WAS NOT GOING TO DO IF AND BOYCOTTING
THIS PAGEANT.
HE CALLED THE "POST" AND SAID, "WE NEVER OFFERED HIM THE JOB."
>> Stephen: OH...
WHAT A TOOL.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> NOW I KNOW WHY IT WAS SO
URGENT TO DO THE PAGEANT IN MOSCOW.
>> Stephen: GOTTA GET OVER THERE.
>> I KNOW.
>> Stephen: "LOVE CONNECTION," LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS.
THE CHUCK WOOLRY CLASSIC FROM 1983.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE NOW THE HOST OF "LOVE CONNECTION."
ANYTHING DIFFERENT ABOUT IT?
>> SO MUCH.
WE HAVE THEM RATE EACH OTHER'S LOOKS BASED ON FIRST IMPRESSIONS
AT THE BEGINNING OF THE DATE AND I REVEAL THE SCORES.
>> Stephen: TO EACH OTHER AT THE END?
>> YES, IT'S AMAZING, YEAH, IT'S AMAZING.
>> Stephen: DO THE SCORES GO UP OR DOWN?
>> NO, IT WOULD BE-- USUALLY WHAT HAPPENS IS THEY GET TO KNOW
EACH OTHER, AND THEY EITHER STAND BY THEIR SCORE OR THEY'RE
LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHAT?
I GAVE YOU A THREE, BUT AS IT TURNS OUT YOU'RE A GREAT PERSON
AND NOW I THINK YOU'RE A 10."
THAT'S KIND OF THE GOAL.
>> Stephen: SURE.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> AND THEN, ALSO, THERE'S A LITTLE BIT OF A LOVER MONEY
TWIST AT THE END OF EVERY EPISODE.
>> Stephen: LOVE OR MONEY?
>> YEAH, IF THE AUDIENCE PICKS SOMEONE DIFFERENT THAN MY LOVE
CONNECTION AND THEY'RE STANDING OVER THERE, I CAN GO ON A SEXY
OVERNIGHT DATE WITH MY LOVE CONNECTION, STEPHEN, OR I CAN
CHOOSE THE AUDIENCE PICK AND GET $10,000.
>> Stephen: SO IF I LIKE SANDRA BUT THE AUDIENCE PICKED
SARAH.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WAIT ARE, SANDRA AND SARAH THERE?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: AND THEY KNOW-- >> YES.
>> Stephen: SANDRA KNOWS I PICKED SANDRA, BUT HOW MUCH
MONEY?
>> 10 GRAND.
>> Stephen: THAT'S A LOT OF GREEN, BABY DOLL.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: AND $10,000 IF I GO, "NO SANDRA, YES, SARAH.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: BUT THEN SARAH KNOWS SHE WASN'T MY CHOICE AND
I'M ONLY DOING IT FOR THE CASH.
>> I KNOW!
>> Stephen: I'LL WATCH IT.
>> STEPHEN!
>> Stephen: "LOVE CONNECTION" AIRS THURSDAYS ON FOX.
ANDY COHEN, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH "THE DAILY SHOW'S" JORDAN KLEPPER.