-[ Chuckles ] Hi.
I'm Taylor Mayhew, PR here at Amazon.
Recently, we banned the government
from using our facial-recognition technology
for one year.
We heard you loud and clear.
You said, "Thank you,"
and, "Wait. You guys were doing that?"
So to get ahead of things,
we're suspending some other Amazon projects.
For the next six weeks,
we're taking a break from shipping all of our items
in packages that collect your DNA.
We've received valid criticism like,
"Why does Amazon need my DNA?"
[ Chuckling ] That's a great question.
We can't tell you.
But now we that know it's bad, we don't want to do any more.
Also, for one week, we're pausing production
of bubble wrap that can hear your thoughts.
[ Energy pulsing ]
We started using mind-reading bubble wrap
to hear from you on how we're doing,
but now we know you don't want bubble wrap
to use its telekinetic powers to learn about the time
your third-grade math teacher caught you
practicing kissing on your hand.
And, finally, when you cancel your Prime membership,
we're gonna stop using your keyboard
to send tiny electric zaps to your fingers.
[ Electricity crackles ] We thought jolting you
was a practical way to remind you
of how wonderful Amazon Prime is.
Instead of going, "Ow!" you would say,
"I got free 2-day shipping on 'Lego Batman' on Blu-ray.
I've never been happier!"
So, to show our appreciation,
we're sending all of our loyal customers
a Teddy bear with very large eyes
that we encourage you to put on a shelf, facing out...
to show that we care.
Amazon. We're listening. Always.