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This week's Music Monday is the animal in heat edition
with Justin Timberlake's "Sexyback"
I mean Hyuna and JS's "Troublemaker"
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Well. This was...uh. This was quite the video.
Children! Avert your eyes.
Mom. You should probably leave the room for this one.
Alright, so, first of all, I am really happy to see
that this video attempted to be more than just a dance in a shiny box kind of video.
There are three elements to it: the spy sequences, the dances
and the obligatory closeup shots of JS and Hyuna.
As for the Spy Story, the plot is a little bit confusing.
Our basic understanding of the plot is that Hyuna is a Spy/Assassin
And JS is also a Spy/Assassin/Mafia member
and they're both staying in the hotel pretending not to know each other
but secretly trying to kill each other.
And these spies are...let's just say that they're not the brightest graduates from spy school.
I get the feeling that these people are the kind of kids
whose parents paid a lot of money to get them into spy school
even though they're really under qualified for the position.
and now that they've graduated, the school is sending them out on a secret mission
in hopes that they'll kill each other and forever rid the school of their secret shame.
Yeah. They're those kind of spies.
Oh? What's that? You disagree with us?
You think that these two are quite competent at being spies?
That they are, in fact, trained professionals?
Well, in that case, let us take a look at Hyuna and JS as spies
and see what spy tips we can glean from them.
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1. Leave the door open to your hotel room. Like, really open. Like, all the time.
Don't worry! No one will listen to your important conversations via the hallway!
They'll be too busy setting up spy cameras. HAHAHA! Suckers.
2. Before you rummage through another spy's room,
it's best to not rely on your untrustworthy camera.
Instead, press your ear up against the wall and listen for movement in the room.
3. Before you leave your apartment, make sure
you leave your spy equipment really open for everyone to see.
That way, if you need to make a quick getaway, none of the incriminating evidence will be packed!
So you don't have to worry about how heavy it is when you carry it. Yay!
4. Wearing 3 inch clip-clopping heels is the best way to walk around in secret stealth.
It can also double as a stabbing weapon if you fall on the floor in an attempt to run away
but you can't do so because of your ginormous heels!
5. As you clip clop down the hall, slowly peek into the room.
This is a well known spy tactic on how to not be seen. It's the best way to surprise someone!
6. Hold your gun with little to no care
If it's getting in your way, just put it on a mantlepiece or tabletop
and make sure you don't hold it firmly, but stroke it gently
like a long and gentle...kitten.
7. Don't bother leaving any surveillance cameras or booby traps in your room
or any device whatsoever that would alert you to the fact that somebody is IN your room
After all: who would suspect that you're a spy? Cha!
8. Load your gun really loudly, so that all the people around you
can know what's about to go down.
9. After you've posed in front of the mirror with your sexy gun
and made all your sexy faces, just leave the gun behind.
Let's be honest: that dress is so small that you clearly have nowhere to hide it.
Can't stuff it in your cleavage because it's way too tight
Can't stuff it up your skirt because your underwear is barely being covered.
Unless...
10. If you detect the smell of gasoline or some kind of oil in your room, stop being so paranoid!
Relax! It's probably just the smell of a freshly made hotel bed.
11. When the spy that you were spying on pulls out a lighter, just sit back and watch.
Maybe she's planning on pulling out a birthday cake and candles as well.
No point in ruining the surprise!
12. If you plan on burning another spy to death,
don't bother checking him over for guns or other hidden weapons.
And I'm pretty sure that if you kiss him and shake a little
he'll just sit there and wait for you to burn him to death.
Don't worry! He won't make an attempt to free himself.
And, also, if you didn't have the common sense to tie him up, don't worry about it!
He's got no gun! So it's not like he's gonna shoot you as he walks away
So feel free to walk away confidently with your back turned
There's a smart girl!
Ok. It's safe to say that the whole Spy Plot idea was either very, very rushed,
or written by a ten year old.
And picking it apart for being illogical is just WAYYYY to easy.
And, anyways, that's not the real focus of the video!
Watch it once, or show it to anybody once
and anybody, ANYBODY will tell you that the clear focus of the video
is on Hyuna trying to act sexy.
Chubble Maker really pushes the limits,
and not in a way that anything but really horny guise can appreciate
Let's be honest here: if this video goes viral the way Bubble Pop did
It's not gonna be followed by comments like
"Hey! Check out this amazing talented dancer!"
or "Hey! Check out this amazing vocalist!"
No. This video actually takes AWAY from Hyuna's position as a dancer or singer
and puts her more in the category of hot girl lying on expensive car.
Now, even though Hyuna is being marketed this way,
we've noticed that a lot of comments on YouTube and elsewhere are calling her a skank or a slut,
and we've gotta say that that is totally unfair.
This is simply the sex-sells role that her company is putting her in.
And, just like an actor or an actress playing a role,
this does not necessarily reflect her personality outside of these videos.
and while you may not like the role that she's playing,
calling her a skank is not fair to say.
Our complaint is that the role is becoming so overwhelmingly forced and unnatural
That it's starting to become silly. There's no subtlety in it
They could have done classy sexy. Dress Hyuna in a skin tight tuxedo
and dance with JS, rather than ON JS, like a stripper.
Or how about letting Hyuna show off some CONFIDENT sexy?
Show her as a well-trained spy with some awesome fighting skills.
Rather than seduction 101. I'm gonna seduce a spy by touching my body. OOOOH YOU NASTY!
But no, all we get is a non-stop barrage of
OOOH I'M SO TURNED ON AND I CAN'T STOP TOUCHING MYSELF!
But the fault isn't wholly with Hyuna.
We also have to point the blame at the director of this video.
They could have easily placed the camera at eye level with Hyuna and JS, but no.
They have the camera at time so low to the ground
that you can actually see up Hyuna's skirt on many occasions.
Those were well-though out pervert cams.
And someone was clearly behind the camera coaxing Hyuna to make all those absurd faces.
I mean seriously. What kind of face is this?
What girl flirts by putting both of her hands on her face like this?
And how in the world did they get Hyuna to have her mouth hanging open so much in the video?
And action!
[sexy music]
Uh huh. Mmmhm. And that's a cut.
Brum bum bum bum bum! Open up for the spoon!
And while JS gets to sit in his high-back leather chair all swag and looking like a pimp
with two girls dancing around him, Hyuna gets to sit in her chair like this
LIKE THIS LIKE THIS LIKE THIS LIKE THIS LIKE THIS.
The best way I can think of Hyuna as of late
is to compare her to Jacob Black of Twilight (FYI TWILIGHT SUX - SIMON)
At first, when Jacob took off his shirt, everyone was amazed at his hot body.
And everyone was like "OMG JACOB IS SO HOT!"
But then we started to see him shirtless, a lot more. Like, all the time.
So what is supposed to be sexy ends up turning out to be silly.
And Hyuna's management team is really starting to taker her down that path of sexy to silly.
We're disappointed, because we really like the sound of this song
The snapping and the whistling, the joint singing on the chorus
all give the song a jazz-pop Frank Sinatra-esque kind of feel to it.
It's really catch, and sounds like a classy song
The video, though, was totally ruined by Hyuna's terrible role in it.
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I was really, really, REALLY disappointed with this dance.
It almost never happens that a well know male and female idol
get together and dance in a kpop video.
I was hoping this would be a well-thought out dance team
like some kind of Dancing with the Stars kind of thing,
But, that wasn't the case.
JS's dance crew had some totally awesome moves.
Decked out in full suits with ties and vests and JS's funky sneakers
I totally loved the tilt your hat back gentlemanly swag
meets Michael Jackson's "Thriller" kind of dance move.
Totally well done, and I wish I saw more of that in the video.
Now let's compare that to Hyuna's dance crew.
Decked out in what looks to be leather underwear, crop tops, and knee high fur boots for Hyuna,
I was completely unimpressed with her crawl on the floor like a cat in heat
pelvic thrusting stipper but rub dance move.
Now we don't want to sound like prudish parents who are all like "SEXINESS IS EVIL!"
We don't think that's the case at all, but when it's done for a good reason, it can be really impressive.
Take Brown Eyed Girls' "Sixth Sense" video
There was a lot of cat crawling and thrusting and body grabbing
But it uses it as a message of artistic freedom against oppression.
Hyuna's use of sexiness, though, is not really there for any other point
than to get you a chubble and to get more views to the video.
Listen: I'm done with this uncalled for violation on my eyes.
In Mirror Mirror, everything was going fine
until Hyuna randomly drops to the ground and makes a sex to the floor.
Then Bubble Pop, a totally awesome song that sounded like it would be fun and cute
turned into a nasty boob-squeezign butt-to-crotch rub show. And now this.
Having someone dance and act like a cheap and sleazy stripper is easy to find
and makes Hyuna very easily replaceable, and that's not why we fell in love with Kpop.
Kpop, you can do better than this, and Hyuna, you can do better than this, too.
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As for the English in the song, we give this a
3 out of 5
We're giving them a 3 out of 5 because there's only one word in the song, Trouble Maker
and it's the name of their band as well
They say the world a lot, but it's slightly mispronounced
It sounds more like CHRUBBA MAKA instead of Trouble Maker
So we're not going to give them terrible marks for it
but because it plays such a prominent role in the song we're docking them two marks for it
So, 3 out of 5.
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Last week we asked you which time travel you preferred.
IU in "You and I" or FT Island in "I Hope"
And the winner was FT ISLAND
OOOH! A lot of people said that they really didn't understand IU's time travel concept
and FT Island's was extremely clear, so great job FT Island.
For this week's Animal in Heat edition we ask you which video makes them look like they're more...in heat.
JS and Hyuna's Chubble Maker, or T-ara's Bo Peep.
Leave your votes in the comments, or in our Facebook poll, and we'll announce the winners next week.
Also, don't forget to like and favorite this video, and to subscribe for more Music Mondays.
Take it away, Spudgy.
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