Hey guys, welcome back to my channel if you are new, my name is Stephanie. I'm a life and relationship coach this week
We are talking all about respect and more importantly how to really start commanding respect from others
so if you're watching this video chances
are you want some information on what are the things that I can do that will allow the
Relationships with people in my life to respect me more now one question I get often from people that are coming out of abusive relationships
or even just a really
Bad marriage and have gone through a divorce or a breakup is I don't even often know sometimes when I'm being
Disrespected so if you don't know you haven't been in a healthy relationship to know, okay?
well
What does abuse look like what is manipulation look like?
And you're not too familiar with those things the quickest way to know if you're being disrespected is really how you feel
so
You feel it inside?
You'll feel it in your intuition when someone says something that just feels a little hurtful or that's rude or inappropriate
So even if you can't pinpoint something you'll always be able to know your body will always give you an indication
As to when you feel uncomfortable in a certain situation
now before we get started if you haven't already don't forget to hit the subscribe button down below and don't forget to click on the
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So now I want to get into some ways that you can start demanding people respect you more
I'm one of the very first things that I always say and it's something that is kind of common sense
And I'm sure you've heard a thousand times is no one is going to respect you unless you start respecting yourself
So self-respect is really all about knowing who you are
So, who are you and what are the things that you need to be in a healthy relationship?
What do you need out of relationships in order to be fulfilled?
What makes you tick and not just what do you need from other people right to give to you in relationships?
But what are the things that you know intuitively you need to start giving yourself, but you're probably not
So is your self-talk really bad, do you not know how to motivate yourself?
Do you have low self esteem and self confidence so working on?
Okay, where are my wounds what things that I know that I need to work on for me?
my self-talk is
Always gonna be something that I'm gonna work on the rest of my life because I'm human
I have an ego and at times that ego is want is going to want to keep me in fear and stress and self-doubt and
so really challenging that ego and
learning how to
Quiet that ego throughout the course of my life is something that I know I'm gonna always be working on, you know forever
So now what are the things that you yourself need to be working on? What are the things that you need to give yourself?
So one thing that people often don't give themselves is learning how to say no
So learning to say no is the most self loving self
respectful thing that you can do for yourself because what that means is in the moment you chose to put
Yourself first and now this is not a black or white situation obvious
Obviously there are gonna be times when we say yes to something and we really want to say no
but we say yes because someone really needs us someone that we love and care about is
Struggling with something and we want to help them out because we love them, but perhaps you know
We just worked a 12 hour a day, and we're completely exhausted
So maybe it's not the thing that we really want to do is to help this person
Maybe we really want to get some rest
but we know that it's beneficial towards building this relationship and helping this person because we love and care about this person now,
There are other times where where people please are where we're a fixer where we're a little codependent and we're saying yes
And yes to things and we don't even think whether or not we want to actually
Do it and that's something that I struggled with for years was I always would say yes to everything that
People asked of me and I never even asked myself do I actually want to do that?
so one of the things that I always suggest to people is really
When someone asks something of you all you have to do is just take a second and ask yourself
Is this something that I really want to do right now?
Is this something that is really good for me?
Is this person trying to manipulate me, you know?
So learning how to kind of stay in touch with yourself and take care of yourself in that way
That is self-respect because the problem with saying yes to everything
And everyone is you begin to wear yourself really thin and when you wear yourself out and you don't put yourself first
That's not sulfur expect and the PS no one respects that person
So the person that does everything for everyone, you know
That's the person that allows people sometimes to manipulate them and walk all over them
And that's not the person that people will look at and say oh my god. I really want to be this person
Right. I want to be her. I want to be him
He's so confident and self respectful and he knows how to take care of himself. That's
Really what people think of with the person that says yes to everything is wow
That's a great girl or yeah, that's a great guy
And that's a that's a great thing to have right to have people think that you're such a nice human being
but it also there's also story I
guarantee you that people are saying the back of their head is
But they do so much for other people and they never take care of themselves now
The next thing is learn to invest in people that invest in you and I'm not talking about
Relationships that you've had for a long period of time where there's mutual respect between you two, you know
There's a great healthy give-and-take in the relationship. I'm talking about learning how to
invest into
Relationships into new relationships as that foundation is being built
So this goes for the beginning stages of dating, right? We don't just start giving everything to this person
And we haven't really gotten a chance to get to know them and built that trust and built built that foundation
This also has to do with new friendships right when we meet new people, and we're just getting to know each other
There is a healthy wall that should be up with both people because I'm not gonna give everything
I'm not gonna give myself to you if I don't even know you yet
So learn to invest into people and say yes to people
When you know that they would say yes to you
so one of the most
respectful things that you can do for yourself the thing that will allow you to have happiness keep your
Vibration intact is learning how to not
Emotionally respond to others the next thing that allows you to really work on that
Self-respect is learning how to not emotionally react to others. So I talk about this extensively throughout my channel is how to
respond not react
so when there's a discussion that's being had in a relationship or a disagreement or an argument and
You can tell someone's getting really really heated and you engage that or if someone's using an abusive tactic on you
gaslighting manipulation being passive-aggressive
giving you the silent treatment and you get so angry and emotionally charged up because of what they're trying to do and really what they're
Doing is just a defense mechanism or perhaps try to punish you for something
That's going on inside of them
You know when we react to it number one, we lower our vibration and we meet that person where they're at
That's not self loving that's not self respectful
So when we lower our vibration and we meet that person where they're at
what that is telling ourselves is that we haven't learned how to hold on to ourselves that we haven't learned how to have self-respect and
Not get entangled and everyone else's business and everyone else's wounds and everyone else's defense mechanisms that they're using, right
that we haven't learned how to properly
verbally communicate with others and now we're going right into my next thing learning how to verbally communicate with others is
Literally the most self loving self respectful thing that you can do now
We know you're thinking um, I verbally communicate with people all the time
But I'm talking about healthy communication and healthy communication means I'm only going to be responsible for myself
So if you're emotionally getting charged up if you're you know
Dealing with a person who's really negative and toxic one of the worst things that you can do for yourself is
Get entangled in that mess
How often have you been in a situation where someone comes in a room and they're angry, you know, they're negative
they're trying to put things on you or
Project their stuff onto you and you take all of that on and then at the end of the disagreement argument discussion
Whatever that person walks away and they feel so much better
And they're actually a little happy now and you're drained and you're negative and you're in a crappy space, you know
They transferred their negative energy onto you and you took it you picked it up and you you're carrying it now
That's not self respect self respect is being able to recognize
Is when those things are happening in the midst of an argument in the midst of a discussion in your relationships
Knowing when that stuff's happening
right when someone's starting to project or manipulate or Gaslight or be passive-aggressive and you being able to be a
Mature adult and verbally communicate. Oh, I see you're doing this. You must be going through something right now
I'm gonna give you some space. I'm not going to engage
with someone who's being disrespectful or someone who's being, you know, emotionally abusive or rude or inappropriate and you
Disengage from the conversation you remove yourself from that space showing self-love that's showing that you have
control over yourself that you're not going to just react to every little thing that someone does to you and
That's self respect right there
That means that you love yourself enough to not just let your emotions take over and get riled up in a situation
that you know how to hold onto yourself create that bubble and leave a situation or a
Disagreement or an argument if need be and verbally communicate with that person what it is you're doing why you're leaving this situation
I get questions often from people that say well if I leave isn't that given the silent treatment to it isn't that passive-aggressive? It's only
Passive-aggressive and really giving some someone the silent treatment when you don't verbally communicate, right?
So if you just shut down and all of a sudden the silent treatment happens all of a sudden you're being passive-aggressive
Or you're trying to like make someone feel guilty for something and being manipulative. That's completely different
But if you tell someone hey, look your behavior
I find it to be really rude and inappropriate
And I'm not gonna engage with you when you behave like this and then you walk away
The next thing is you have to learn how to set boundaries
This is something that I know a lot of people struggle with but you have to number one know
What's acceptable and what's not acceptable behavior in your relationships? And so learning what self respect is?
Like I said in the beginning is learning about yourself learning. Who are you? What do you need in relationships?
What do you deem disrespectful? So in order to learn how to set boundaries? You have to know like, okay?
Well, what do I need out of a relationship? How do I want to feel? What do I think is rude?
What do I think is inappropriate behavior?
And you have to set that standard and you have to able to verbally communicate that with whoever your partner
Coworker friend cousin niece doesn't really matter now with learning to set boundaries. It's sometimes it's not even really setting the boundary
it's learning how to enforce it and I think enforcing boundaries sometimes is really difficult for people because
enforcing a boundary basically means that you're enforcing a consequence that hey I
Asked you to do this and I find this rude. I find this disrespectful. I've asked you a lot of times
I've given you chances
And not only is this something that you're not even working on you keep actually doing the thing that really hurts my feelings
and so
Setting what is the consequence for that behavior? It's really just like having a child
It's the same, you know, you teach people how to treat you by what you'll tolerate
So if you keep basically saying okay, I'm enforcing boundaries
I don't like this behavior, but you keep putting up with it and you don't maybe leave a relationship
Then you're basically stating that their behavior is okay because I'm not gonna do anything about it that I'm still dealing with it
So if you're dealing with it, then you're telling that person
Not verbally, but you're telling that person that their behavior is okay, and that's not a person that respects themselves
so the last thing that I want you to really really consider in this video is
Your self-talk is everything the the words that you say to yourself on a day-to-day basis have such a huge impact
on every aspect of your life and I sometimes
Don't think that people you know
we work so hard in our jobs and we work so hard with our families and our children and we give and give and give
To people that learning how to give to yourself and focusing every single day on what is my inner?
conversation what are the things that I'm telling myself on a day to day basis and
It's definitely work in the beginning but when you focus on okay?
I'm gonna focus everything I have on learning how to really love myself on learning how to have great inner
conversations with myself and
Not letting that ego kind of run the show for majority of my day at the beginning. It really takes practice
It takes dedication
But I promise you and I say this often and I real
Really Nina the more you do it the easier it gets so every single day focus on like, okay
What are the things and I need to be giving myself in order to learn how to have healthy?
Inner dialogue and really learning how to create that bubble
These are all things that as you start learning this stuff and do this stuff
You will just undoubtedly have self-respect because you'll learn you're learning how to really love yourself
So, I hope that that has helped you guys. If you have any comments or questions, please leave them down below
Don't forget to also like this video and I will see you next time