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[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
Wow, guys!
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
I am Samantha Bee.
Welcome to "Full Frontal."
Last week, Mitch McConnell and his gang of 12
finally unveiled their super secret Obamacare repeal bill.
[GASP]
Guess what the big secret was?
The Senate bill sucks.
Tremendously unpopular.
A massive tax cut to the wealthiest households,
paid for by cutting health care coverage for poor working
and sick Americans.
It's called "trickle down."
Poor people will still get access to the antibiotics
that rich people shed in their urine.
Oh, we'll also be making some changes to the water system.
It turns out 13 rich white guys alone in a room isn't
how good legislation happens.
It's how "Suicide Squad" happens.
But while "Suicide Squad" destroys your will to live,
this bill destroys your ability to live.
Medicaid emerged as a key flash point Thursday.
The Senate would cut all of Medicaid
more deeply than the House, and impose
annual limits on spending.
You sneaky motherfuckers.
That's not Obamacare repeal.
That's "Johnsoncare" repeal.
Please don't kill Medicaid.
It's only 52 years old.
It just joined Curves and is learning to dance
like nobody's watching.
Most people like Medicaid, including Republican people.
Who the hell asked you to gut it by sending it to the states
and capping its growth rate?
Medicaid-- sending it back to the states,
capping its growth rate.
We've been dreaming of this since I've
been around-- since you and I were drinking at a keg.
[GOOFY LAUGHING]
Yeah, I've been thinking about this stuff for a long time.
[IMITATES LAUGH]
Oh, yeah.
While most college guys in the 90s
were fantasizing about Pamela Anderson,
Paul Ryan was jerking it to thoughts
of poor people losing health care to pay for tax cuts.
Whoa.
Easy there, cowboy.
You might not be covered for carpal tunnel and blindness.
Now, a lot of Americans don't have
a clear idea of what Medicaid covers, which is nothing new.
Yes, this is Sam Jones, and I have a question in reference
to Medicare, or it could be Medicaid.
Tell me, what's the difference between Medicare and Medicaid?
Well, sir, both Medicare and Medicaid fully
fund all mustache medicine.
Remember, keep your mustache healthy and strong
or communism wins.
Medicaid is also the thing that will keep you
from selling a kidney to pay for the operation
on the other kidney.
Covering 20% of all Americans--
39% of children, 49% of all births,
64% of people living in nursing homes.
- Yep. - That's right.
Medicaid is the reason we don't have gangs of elderly people
roaming our streets, robbing us of our soft food
and sharing their thoughts about Asian people.
Allowing states to cap Medicaid benefits also
threatens the expensive long-term care
that was so very important to Republicans
back when it was keeping Terri Schiavo alive.
The only way that she won't be alive
is if the people responsible for her care stop feeding her
and stop giving her liquids.
Grief for the disregard of innocent human life
that is evidenced here.
This is a compassionate Congress.
Was Mike's hair ever not right?
I guess he just walked out of the corn that way.
Perhaps, the Senate thought they could trim Medicaid
without us noticing, like your kid when he cuts his own hair.
This bill cuts Medicaid by $700 billion.
Actually, $772 billion.
I know, but I wanted to do a neat round thing.
By rounding down $72 billion?
It's not "The Price is Right."
They're not going to send you home if you go over.
Millions of Trump voters benefit from Medicaid,
and their manatee god swore he wouldn't touch it.
How are you going to tell them he broke his campaign promise?
It's not a cut in Medicaid.
There is no cut in Medicaid.
There's a reduction in the growth.
It's never going to be cut.
KELLYANNE CONWAY: You keep calling them cuts,
but we don't see them as cuts. [THUNDER]
Oh, god. She's doing it again.
Trump promised no Medicaid cuts, so these cuts must not be cuts?
He's the President-elect, so that's presidential behavior.
(DISTORTED) Yes.
(ECHOING) That's presidential behavior.
We don't see them as cuts.
OK, OK, OK.
They're not cuts.
The plan just won't let Medicaid grow to keep up
with medical costs and 70 million aging
baby boomers who never lost their taste
for pharmaceuticals.
Basically, it's like telling your kid we were planning
on buying your new clothes as you got older,
but instead, we'll just have you wear the same onesie
until you're 53.
Amazingly, McConnell's thinly annotated copy
of "Atlas Shrugged" wasn't greeted with
unfettered senatorial rapture.
A procedural vote on the legislation,
expected yesterday, had to be delayed
until after the July 4th recess because of growing opposition.
Do you hear that?
It's the sound of 293 town hall meetings being canceled.
But don't put your sharpies and posterboard away yet.
Can Republicans get this done, Josh?
You know, they absolutely can get it done.
You just don't bet against Mitch McConnell's ability to figure
this kind of thing out.
I mean, this is the legislative equivalent of landing
a 747 in a suburban driveway.
Yes, it's exactly like that, because it's
going to be catastrophic.
And most of the people affected will be women and children.
We'll be right back.
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