There is nothing more painful than a broken heart.
I know I've been there in my own life and if you're going through that right now, feel
a big hug coming from me to you.
I am so sorry that you're going through this and there's a part of you that knows that
if you don't get over this ex, you won't be able to move forward and create something
new in your life and find something new in your life.
And so today I wanted to give you five things that you can do to help you get over that
ex so that you can create something beautiful and something new in your relationship life
moving forward.
Step number one is to grieve.
And this might sound obvious, but often what people will do when they make up their minds
that they want to get over their exes, they actually don't allow themselves to grieve
and to feel their feelings.
And when they suppress those feelings, then what happens is later those feelings become
expressed when they get triggered or if they suppress them and hold them there, then they
can actually become expressed as a physical ailment in your life.
So allow yourself to feel your feelings.
And here's the key, as you're grieving and as you're feeling the anger, as you're feeling
the sadness, as you're feeling the things that are coming up for you, surround yourself
in a warm blanket of love as your feeling those feelings and have compassion and love
for yourself while you're going through that experience.
And you'll notice that it will be like a wave, those emotions will come like a wave, will
ride up in intensity of that emotion and then you will come down the other side.
Some people describe it as going to the bottom of the well.
Allow yourself to go to the bottom of the well but beware of the paradigm that wants
to trap you there.
Sometimes people have an addiction to those negative feelings and they stay in that state
of constant despair because it's the only thing that's connecting them to that past
relationship.
And if they feel like they allow themselves to feel better, they will lose the connection
to that person.
So notice this and as you ride over the top of the wave, allow yourself to start to feel
better.
Which brings me to step number two, which is to forgive and release.
It's very easy when a relationship doesn't work out to look back and criticize ourselves,
point out all the ways in which we screwed up or the places we could've done something
different to save the relationship.
But there must be a trusting that this didn't work out for a reason.
When you actually know that you want to move on, you know you want to get over your ex,
the next step is to forgive yourself for all of the ways in which you might be criticizing
yourself or condemning yourself or wishing you did something different or also forgiving
him for the ways that he didn't show up in that relationship, and forgive and release.
Now forgiveness is a deep topic and I go deep into the forgiveness work in some of the coaching
programs that I do.
So if you want to explore forgiveness work and really want to create something new in
your life and manifest your amazing man, I'm going to link up a program that I do up here
and in the description below, it's called Manifest Your Man.
And the whole first part of this is renewing yourself to be ready for the man of your life.
And then the second half is skill sets to help you achieve that.
So I'll link it up here and in the description, if that serves you, click that link and you
can explore that opportunity.
But know this when it comes to forgiveness.
Forgiveness isn't something you do for him.
It's something that you give to yourself to free yourself of those old energetic ties
to that old relationship so you create a clean slate moving forward.
So once you've done the grieving work and once you have forgiven yourself and released,
the next step is to decide.
And this is where you make a firm decision in your life to draw a line in the sand and
you say, "I'm going to decide for something new.
I'm going to decide to let this be a new chapter in my life, a new clean slate in my life to
create something new in my life."
And you make that decision.
The Latin root of the word decision literally means to cut away from.
And there's a couple of decisions that you really want to make where you're deciding
that you really are ready to move away from this ex, to create something new in your life
and you're going to decide what it means for you.
In my coaching program, Manifest Your Man, I was working with a client who was really
connected to an ex and she knew that she needed to release this guy, and yet there was resistance
to that.
And as we uncovered and unpacked what the resistance was, it was a paradigm in her saying
that this guy was so good.
She has such a great connection with this guy, such amazing chemistry and attraction
with this guy and he had all of these qualities that she loves.
He was successful, funny, smart.
There was just one problem.
This guy wasn't emotionally available and he wasn't interested in her and he wasn't
prioritizing her and he was breaking all kinds of agreements.
So it was a whole bunch of what she loved about him, but there was all these things
that were missing that actually is the fuel for the relationship.
And so what did her paradigm try to convince her?
Her paradigm was telling her that this guy was the best she would ever get.
And so you're called to make a decision and the decision is not only cutting away from
him, but it's deciding what this is going to mean for you.
So in this coaching moment I challenged this woman's faith.
I said, "Do you believe in a higher power?"
And she said yes.
And I said, "Okay.
Then with your faith, do you believe that your higher power is going to have something
worse in store for you after this guy?
Because there's really only two options.
There's something better in store for you or there's something worse in store for you."
And she said, "I've never thought of it that way.
Then there must be something better in store for me."
So let me challenge you with the ex in your life, do you believe in a higher power?
Do you believe in a God that loves you and supports you?
And if you do, then do you believe that that God, that higher power would have something
worse for you or something better for you?
And really challenge your faith on this, challenge what it is you believe, because I believe
that your higher power has something better in store for you.
And imagine if you really believed that, if you really believed that there was something
even better, imagine that.
Even better, better attraction, better connection, better compatibility, even more fun the way
that you got each other in that past relationship, it's even better moving forward if you really
believe that.
If you believe that something great was in store for you, how would you wake up in the
morning?
How would you approach your day?
What would your mood be like?
When we anticipate something great, our life expands, our life opens up and we approach
the day with a whole new level of energy that actually opens us up to a new possibility.
So the two decisions that you want to make, you want to make a decision to cut away from
the old, but you also want to make a decision to anticipate something great in your life.
Step four is to cleanse.
You have got to cleanse his energy from your life.
Now I know this one can be hard, but it is necessary.
You've got to cleanse all the emotional triggers that will try to pull you back and connect
you to that old relationship.
So we're talking photos, we're talking memorabilia, we're talking gifts that he's given you, clothes
that you may still have.
You've got to cleanse all of that stuff, get it out of your awareness, delete his phone
number from your phone, unfollow him on social media and give yourself at least a 90 day
cleanse to cleanse that energy out of your system so you can really focus on something
new.
Now I know that this is going to be hard.
I know there's a part of you arguing right now, you're like, "Why do I have to do that?"
But know this, the part of you that's arguing to not cleanse is the part of you that's anchored
in the past, and it's going to hold you back.
So give yourself permission to really cleanse because here's the deal.
Imagine the photos that you have of the two of you.
You don't take photos when you guys were in a bad mood or when you're fighting.
The only photos you have are of the highlights of the relationship, of the great times, the
dates out, the times when you're goofy and having fun.
And our mind is weird, our mind doesn't remember pain.
Our mind only remembers the positive.
And so after a while we will get a skewed view of that relationship if we go back and
rehearse and look at those photos.
I remember a girl and I were dating for a while, we both decided to end it, we didn't
feel like it was a good fit.
And a few weeks later I was lonely and I was going through photos and I was looking at
all these photos of us and I'm thinking, "Man, we were great together."
I'm like, "Look at this, look at that.
We were having so much fun.
Why did we end it?"
And I literally couldn't remember why we had ended it.
Maybe you've been in this situation too.
So I called her up and I said, "Hey, how you doing?"
And she's like, "Hey."
And I'm like, "You know what?
I think maybe we should give it another shot."
And she goes, "You know what?
I'm open to that too."
So we gave it another shot, we went on a date that weekend.
The moment I arrived on the date, in the first 15 minutes I went, "I remember why we didn't
give it a shot.
I remember why we broke up."
And I had completely forgotten about the personalities just didn't work together.
It wasn't her fault or my fault, we just didn't click.
But the photos never showed that.
So make sure you cleanse those photos and you've got to give yourself a reinforcement.
Write yourself a letter for why you want to move forward, why that relationship isn't
a good fit because the mind's going to only want to remember the positive.
And when you get that urge to text him, when you get that urge, that part of you that wants
to pull back, go back into the relationship, pull that letter out and read it because that
will be your reinforcement for the decision that you made to move forward.
And step number five is to create something new in your life.
Mark this as a new chapter in your life.
If you want to have something new, you've got to create something new.
So let this be the moment where you make a bold decision to start living a life that
you love.
This is the moment when you make the decision to finally get into that bad-ass shape that
you've been wanting to build, or to finally take that dance class, or to finally sign
up for that certification, or to finally travel and take the trip you've always been wanting
to go on, finally study that language you've been wanting to learn.
As you unleash more of yourself to this world, as you bring something new out of you, you
will attract new, beautiful, amazing opportunities into your life.
What if this breakup was an opportunity for a fresh start, a clean slate, a new day where
you say, "I am living an amazing life and no one will hold me back."
When you do this, you'd be amazed how far it takes you and you'll look back at your
old life and think, "I wouldn't trade this new life for that old resolve in a million
years."
Because I believe that your higher power has something incredible in store for you.
So keep your head up because I believe that for you the best is yet to come.