[Love Will Have Its Sacrifices opening theme]
Hello mother, what do you want?
You never call, you never write.
You stay hidden away in that mouldy old library…
Oh, are you feeling sore that you and your goons haven’t been able to break into a library?
[Theo coughs]
As Silas’ primary sponsor, Corvae Corp would prefer you use the term “intern”.
“Goon” doesn’t stress the potential for career growth that our entry-level positions offer.
It’s definitely why the Zeta’s jumped on board.
Well intern, collaborator, dean-man-talking, it’s all the same to me really.
You see this kind of hostility is why we need to chat.
Clearly you can keep disembowelling the help and snooping around my business until I find
a way to track down that tesseracting book nook, crack open the enchantments keeping
me out and kill you all. But-
Frankly I’m a busy woman and that sounds-
Time-consuming.
So, I’m prepared to offer you a truce.
Stop prying into my affairs and I’ll leave you alone in your cosy little library.
[Carmilla sighs]
All we have to do is back-off and you’ll stop trying to kill us?
Well isn’t she the clever one?
Maybe it’s worth thinking about. I mean if she really is willing to leave us alone-
Yeah and just how long until she’s done with whatever she’s up to in that pit before
“dispose of meddling teenagers" returns to the top of her to-do list?
Age has made you so cynical darling.
Listen to your little pet.
Stay out of my way and you can play house in that jumped-up reading room until the end of your meaningless lives.
I may not be able to reach you right now but force me to come and get you and the results will be-
Unpleasant.
Am I making myself clear?
Transparent.
Wonderful.
I look forward to your unconditional compliance.
Something’s changed.
Something’s rattled her.
Something we know, or something we’ve done.
Or maybe your mom is as sick of this whole grudge match as we are and wants some peace and quiet.
So she can what? Finally catch up on her reading?
Look I’m not saying trust her, that would be ignoring the death threats and the possessions
and the centuries of human sacrifice.
I’m just saying, maybe the probelm is that we cornerd her, what with all the murdering her
minions and trying to kill her.
Maybe if we back off, play it safe we can find ourselves some leverage.
Really?
So you think she’ll just give back Perry if we ask real nice?
Oo! You should start a hashtag.
After everyone- everything we lost.
A truce is better than you and LaFontaine and I risking our lives.
Well it would be if she actually meant it.
But, what if she does mean it?
I have known my mother for over 300 years.
She doesn’t do truces. She doesn't do mercy.
The only reason she’d be talking to us is because there’s something we’ve done or
something we might do that makes us a threat.
It’s put us back on the board.
[LaF offscreen] The board!
What?
The Board. Of Governors. I told you I’d seen that creepy symbol before.
It was totally the seal of that creepy Owl Lady from the Board.
And she was totally an Oracle. Ukuku, the prophetess of Eridu.
Do you think she’s the one who wrote us that message back in 1874?
I mean it’s possible.
If the Board was supposed to keep control of the Dean maybe she thought the Dean was
going to try to get rid of the Board and wrote us down a message?
And Kooky Lady couldn’t have warned us before –oh I don’t know- all of last semester happened?
Well I don’t think anybody’s claiming she was a very good Oracle.
She definitely missed the part where Vordenberg was going to kill her.
Ok so, this Book of Lives.
Maybe it was like a Board back-up plan or some kind of weapon?
Or a bargaining chip to get Revenge of the Bodysnatchers to give Perry back.
Ok, where do we look for it?
Well it just so happens we have 142 years of Board meeting minutes in the back catalogue.
Lucky us.
Let the mind-numbing boredom begin.
If the Dean finds out you’ve opted for secret weapons research that’s the end of any chance for peace
Well I’m thinking that won’t be a problem if she doesn’t find out until I’m killing her with it.
[Aggressive knitting]
[Tiny gay sigh]
[Footsteps approaching]
How goes the secret, truce-violating archive dive?
Well, somewhere around 1924 the text started moving on its own.
So either the Board’s scheme to juice up the lacrosse team with werewolf hormones had
somewhere else to be, or I just really need to caffeinate.
Did you find anything about the book? Or the Hell Gates? Or the Talisman?
Would you care if I had?
No of course not.
Cause I have this scarf I’m making.
Really?
That’s why you were looking at the crime board?
Just ran out of yarn. Wasn’t feeling guilty about anything.
Of course.
[Totally ominous buzzing]
Oh God, what now?
Ok don’t want to alarm anyone but you know how our lives kind of depend on my having
figured out what kind of crazy the library’s going to throw at us next?
Yeah...
[More ominous rumbling and deep, menacing laughter]
It’s gone insane. Like somebody poked it with a sharp stick.
Like we're being attacked?
Yeah, I think maybe your mom figured out what you were up to.