- The trees behind me that you see they're casting a shadow
and in its environment as you look around right now,
the shade that I'm in is a reflection of the tree.
Now what happens is we all have a shadow
in unconscious part of ourselves.
And as we go out into the world what happens
is we are projecting that shadow
onto other people, onto our environment
and until we become aware of the shadow,
it will run many different layers of our life.
Now, in this video, I wanna show you three shadow wounds
that come from being a sibling.
So if you have brothers or sisters,
if you're one of many kids, you will be able to see
through this video how that may have affected you,
how that may be showing up in the world.
Maybe you're holding yourself back
from being your true self,
maybe you felt jealous of other the siblings that you have,
maybe you felt like you were unworthy of different siblings
who have got treated differently.
Well, in this video I'm gonna be showing you
the three major shadow wounds
that I've noticed in my own life
and that I notice a lot of people experience
and I'm gonna show you how to heal them.
So if you're a sibling then this video is for you.
(upbeat music)
Welcome back to another video.
My name is Aaron and I help people expand
their consciousness.
Now on this video I wanna share with you
those three shadow wounds that I've noticed in my own life.
Right now I'm actually in Costa Rica.
I just got done doing three days of plant medicine.
So today or these last two days,
I've done two days of something called Ayahuasca
and then one day of what's called Wachuma or San Pedro.
And these plant medicines what they do is they bring up
things in the subconscious that you were priorly unaware of.
And every time I do it,
every every year normally I'll come to Costa Rica
where it's legal and I do it.
And it is always so transformative.
This last six months, what I've been working with
and is really going into my own shadow
and a lot of that has been me becoming aware
of different dynamics between me and my parents.
I think that our relationship
with our mom and our relationship with our dad
is the first relationship that we have.
And what happens is because of that relationship,
the beliefs, the stories that come from that dynamic.
So if you had a parent that is really strict on you
and then you may have felt like,
you couldn't just be yourself
or that you had to be a certain way to be loved
or maybe you we'll talk about that in a minute the whole,
the sibling part of this because a lot of times
what happens is through the way that we're treated
and through the way our siblings are treated,
we're then making stories about who we are
and how we relate to other people
and these stories or these beliefs then remain
on autopilot until we become aware of them.
So what I became aware of in this ceremony is very powerful.
So for the last couple of months now
I have an amazing mom who also went
through a lot of stuff growing up.
And in a way, this trickle down effect happened
within kind of like my family line, I guess you could say.
And basically what happened is for those of you
that don't know my story,
from 7 to 16 years old
I had an abusive ex step-mom in my life
who was very controlling, very manipulative.
During that time, my brother and I
weren't allowed to see our real mom.
Anytime we'd go to her house, my mom's house we'd come back,
we'd immediately get in trouble,
we'd get in trouble for random stupid stuff.
And we got primed into believing or thinking that,
hey, if we go to my mom's house we get in trouble.
So why go over there?
And then we were eventually kind of brainwashed
to also not see your mom in the best light.
And a lot of stuff wasn't true or it was exaggerated.
And it was, yeah, that was that period of time
but before that, I used to always think
that I have a feminine wound
and I'm almost afraid of getting into relationships
or afraid of commitment because I'm secretly afraid
that I'm gonna attract somebody like my ex step-mom
that's gonna try to control me.
So that was like an old shadow thing in of itself.
I had to change my perception of my beliefs about women.
And after 16, 17 came around
when my dad divorced my ex step-mom,
I then had all this freedom.
But I kept attracting women into my life
that wanted to control me
because somehow I felt safe under that control.
That was, the payoff I was getting by attracting people
that were trying to control me.
Now, in this ceremony what I realized,
I was doing Wachuma which is an all day
from eight in the morning to like 10 or 12 o'clock at night.
It's this feeling of unconditional love that comes,
you get all these insights of awareness
and there were different themes
of this ceremony where we go through different,
it's a very social thing but you're going
through and you're sending,
you're doing this little ceremony where you put tobacco
in this little like piece of cloth and you put it up
and you put it in this altar, you throw it in this altar.
And that's like a prayer that you're putting in.
I had this like desire to do it for my brother.
And in this moment that I was doing it for my brother,
I had this absolute realization that changed my life.
I used to always say that my sense of self-worth
and I am almost afraid of being abandoned
because when I was three or four years old,
I just had this experience or this feeling
that I felt emotionally abandoned by my own mom
because my mom was dealing with so much stuff.
And that then I thought there was something wrong with me.
And there's like something I need to be doing differently
in order to get love or maybe I can be differently
and mom would engage more something like that.
And of course my mom was doing the best she could
with where she was.
I also found out my mom had like a mom wound from her mom.
So it was just this was just trickled down
and I have a great relationship with my mom now.
However from three years old
where we're making these meanings
and what happened is I made a meaning
when I was two or three years old around my mom
and me thinking that maybe I'm unworthy
or that then had this fear of abandonment.
So I found out in my life now
there's the shadow because sometimes I'm trying
to please other people
or I'm trying not to be polarizing or be myself
because maybe I have to change in order to get attention.
And I had this a huge epiphany.
This is a whole nother video I'll make
but I realized that my YouTube channel
is a reflection of my relationship
and how I relate to my mom,
it sounds kind of crazy,
but basically there's a strong drive
for significance that I feel like I had for me
to like get well known on YouTube
and to get my message out there.
And I've realized that, that unhealthy thing I was searching
in other people and in an audience
was the thing I was searching for in my own mother,
my own mom.
And I used to always think it was
because my mom's dad passed away
when I was like three or four years old.
But the epiphany that I had on yesterday
or two days ago on doing Wachuma
was that when my brother was born
when I was two and a half, three years old,
what happened is all the attention shifted
from me to my brother
and it was because my brother had asthma,
my brother had a whole bunch of health complications
and my mom was very reactive to that
and very, trying and doing her best to be a great mom
but then the attention shifted.
And I never knew this.
Like literally for years I never knew
that I had this wound inside of myself
where I didn't feel worthy
or I felt like there was something wrong with me
because when you're an only, I'm an oldest.
So when you're the only child, it's like
all the attention is on me
and then you lose that attention
you think, well, maybe there's something wrong with me.
Mom not getting
moms it's just all about Zach now.
And I thought that maybe I'm not worthy in that
that caused the whole shadow.
So the third shadow wound
we're gonna go from three to one, we're going backwards.
The third shadow wound
is that when one of the siblings is born
there's a new meaning that we then make about ourselves.
And that new meaning could be that we're not worthy.
That new meaning could be if the attention shifts
that maybe there's something wrong with me.
So the shadow of that then shows
up in our life because we feel unworthy
or we feel like we're seeking significance or attention.
And almost like a, like I'll show you type way.
I realized that in my own life
like a lot of people didn't believe in me
when I started like making YouTube videos.
I thought what I do is kind of weird.
And then as I started growing more and more people believed
in me and more and more friends and family,
but I feel like that's significance that drive
that I had was a part of my shadow
that just wanted to be seen.
That just wanted to be heard.
That just wanted to be and feel worthy.
And that's driven me for so much of my life.
And I'm now becoming aware of that more than ever.
And I, but I had no idea
that it was directly related to my brother and that energy.
Now, my brother, I can also see, he just has a
because he's had that attention maybe in another way
he seeks that attention too, but in different ways
because he's so used to it
but there was a hole that I felt
and that caused me to then project that shadow
on to everybody else.
And then to not be myself
to be more of like a people pleaser.
So, that's the third shadow wound.
Maybe you realize that you were the attention shifted
when one of your siblings was born
or wouldn't maybe one of your siblings gets other treatment.
And then in that moment
what does that story that you made about yourself?
Maybe there's a story that you made that said
that I'm not worthy.
This person is more special than me
or maybe you were the special kid.
And then you realize that you see other people
as less than, or maybe you feel a disconnect
with other people, you feel like everyone
should you expect everybody to treat you that way.
Now the next part of this is the competitiveness.
This is the second shadow wound
between my brother and I growing up we're three years apart.
And there was definitely a level of competitiveness
that ran through us.
And there was a moment though,
it's gonna sound kind of cheesy.
I feel like sharing this though.
My brother and I were always kind of like
we were kind of protecting it the way that it worked
as our ex stepmom was so crazy manipulative
that we would have to tattle
on each other in order to receive love.
So we would tattle on each other
and then we get rewarded to be allowed to have privileges.
We would allow that like,
we weren't allowed to like eat the kind of,
we barely got enough food to eat.
We got a bowl of cereal in the morning TV dinner at night.
We were 120 pounds up until my dad divorced my ex step-mom
and we weren't allowed to watch TV.
We weren't allowed to have friends.
We weren't allowed to go to school activities.
We get school activities taken away
and we normally locked outside working all day.
So my brother and I were kind of looking out for ourselves
because we had to tattle on each other to get love.
But there's this other aspect to where
there was one time we went camping
and somehow we got away and we can't put into somebody else.
And we were watching this movie called Boondock Saints
and my brother and I were Irish and Scottish.
So this movie Boondock Saints about these two
like Irish brothers that go out
and they had this like tattoos and stuff.
And my brother and I really bonded over that movie.
And it was a really cool experience
because then we became more like a unit,
but there was also this the shadow of this competitiveness
was like that, I know it wasn't as much there for me
as him.
And what I mean by that is I know like,
even with girls for example, I remember the one time I found
out that he was like talking smack about me
to some girls that I was like flirting with or talking with.
And I realized that it was this competitiveness
because maybe he felt like he probably felt like
the attention was always on me.
'Cause I was the older one or something like that.
there's these mangoes, all these trees.
So they just fall randomly.
So I hope mango doesn't fall on me.
There's these Howler monkeys that walk around too.
It's really cool.
But this competitiveness where we were originally like
in our own frames, but then eventually we came together.
But even then, even after we came together, there were
we would flow in and out of this competitiveness.
And the shadow of that is that it's cause comparison factor.
I can see how, even with this relationship with my brother
even some of my friends,
a lot of my friends do YouTube videos and stuff.
I can see how maybe some of that competitiveness has always
for me to like work harder than everybody else.
And I can see how that shadow has played
out in my life in a very powerful way.
So that's the second shadow when to become aware of.
And the first one, one of the ones that I think the most
of you need to hear is I think a lot
of siblings are afraid to shine bright
because they're afraid of out shining other siblings
or some siblings believe
that what they need to do is they need to shine brighter
than other people in order for them to feel significance.
So I was talking to my friend, Patty
my friend Victor's wife.
And she was also one of many kids,
And she felt the kind of the same way.
Like she was afraid of shining
because her sister, like there was some of her family
that was always like, oh she's like the youngest prettiest,
like little petite thing.
And some of her family,
has different like body types and stuff like that.
So they would always compare them
to her and she felt like she couldn't shine.
And I know that even with my brother
like I remember when I started becoming successful
my brother came over to my house
and I was like, almost afraid
of showing him how successful, like look at it.
Like I have a big house and I don't want to share it
because I played off small.
Like I was almost one time.
I'm gonna pretend I had roommates or something
because I didn't want them to think
that I did this all by myself.
So I was afraid of shining.
And I think that an important thing to realize
is that if you haven't, if you're afraid of shining
if you're afraid of like being your true authentic light
or you're afraid of polarizing other people
or you're afraid are things that you need
to please other people to get worthy
just realize that may be the shadow.
Maybe the shadows for you to focus
on being authentic for you to being real.
Maybe that includes you needing to shine.
And a lot of this in my opinion, has to do with healing
the inner child,
healing and realizing the meanings you made
when you were a kid.
These stories about me being worthy, not worthy
meaning to change, to be loved.
And as you become aware of these beliefs
as you become aware of these stories,
you then become free.
in the moment I became aware
that when my brother was born, I felt unseen
and I am now creating through my YouTube channel.
Some form of people seeing me so that I can fill that hole.
It was an epiphany.
And it was a epiphany when I realized
that my brother and that when that attention shifted
that that was actually the emotional unavailable that I felt
from my mom was more so the attention going to him
my mom was doing the best she could with where she was.
So really the key to this is me forgiving my mom
and knowing she's just doing the best she could
and forgiving and understanding.
And so when I go back to the states here
in a couple of days, I'm gonna go and I wanna
I'm actually gonna go to Vegas to talk to my mom
to share this with her and to really let her know
that I forgive her and that I see her
and I can also see how maybe my mom feels
not seeing me sometimes.
And these are just little shadow aspects
that I've realized from my own life.
And my question for you is do you have any of these?
Do you recognize any other shadows that come
from you and your parents or you and your siblings?
The relationship with our siblings
relationship with our parents
trickles through in every area of our life
until we become aware of it becomes
just this autopilot thing.
So comment below and let me know
are there any shadows that you recognize
and maybe we'll all like the ones that resonate
with us to see which ones are the ones
in our subconscious that we're not aware of.
Also, I have an inner child meditation where
we energetically go to Hawaii, Hawaii
and we heal our own inner child.
It's a very powerful activation is completely free.
Click the link in the description box below,
or go to aarondoughty.com/child C-H-I-L-D
for the child, meditation
the staff for 21 days.
Watch what happens.
Other than that, I hope you enjoyed this video.
And as always, I'm gonna talk to you in the next one,
peace much love and namaste.