Game of Thrones fans might like to imagine themselves taking up arms with the Starks
or joining Daenerys Targaryen's eclectic squad.
There are adventures aplenty to be had in the Realm of Westeros.
But before you get too enthused over the idea of becoming a, uh, Westerosi, here are some
reasons why warging your way into George R.R. Martin's world from A Song of Ice and Fire
would actually be a pretty terrible experience.
Belief is futile
Choosing a religion is always tricky.
But in Westeros the implications of picking who to worship are far more complex than they
ever could be on Earth — because pretty much every faith has been proven true.
And yet they all conflict with each other.
Take, for example, the fact that the Lord of Light's followers relish any chance to
prove their god's existence by burning or resurrecting pretty much everyone they come
across.
Between Melisandre's secret crone body and Jon Snow's second life, there's no doubt something
real is happening there.
Then there's the Drowned God, who's proven that what is dead may never die … at least
sometimes.
Just ask Euron Greyjoy about how that works.
Annnnnd we also know the Old Gods are valid because of whatever the hell is going on with
Bran Stark and his new-found bird powers.
So what can you do?
Choose the Lord of Light and you'll anger the Drowned God next time you're at sea.
Go for the Drowned God and you might incur the wrath of the Old Gods.
It's an endlessly vicious cycle of power from on high that makes even the Iron Throne's
occupation look stable.
Making matters worse is the fact that a lot of those religions require human sacrifices.
If you're a commoner, or in some cases even a princess, you could easily find yourself
on the chopping block or the pyre.
Yikes.
No fun in the sun
It's fairly common knowledge that seasons can last for multiple years in the world of
A Song of Ice and Fire.
Westeros has been enjoying one of the longest summers in living memory by the time Game
of Thrones picks up, but as we've so often heard…
"Winter is coming."
The running theory is that the longer a summer lasts, the more brutal winter will be, so
forget relishing in the sparkling sunshine with the kids.
In this world, good weather is nothing but a bad omen.
Talk about a killjoy.
Snail mail, with wings
Westerosi magic might be awesome, at times, but everyone's reliance on ravens to carry
messages to and fro is about as antiquated and ridiculous as it gets.
Contacting someone across the Seven Kingdoms isn't like it is here.
You can't just text your best friend a quick update and call it a day.
You have to handwrite your notes using quills and little scrolls and pray to whichever god
you chose a few minutes ago that the raven you've chosen doesn't crap out mid-flight
or get intercepted by a nosy spider.
Just think about that next time you get frustrated over having one bar of reception on your phone,
huh?
Communicable disease
Here on Earth, we might have valid concerns about potential outbreaks.
But it's nothing like what the Westerosi face.
Just ask Jorah Mormont how fun it is to come into contact with a stone man and start showing
symptoms of grayscale.
The cure for that, as we've seen, is not very pleasant.
"Ahhhh!"
What's worse is there's no quarantined hospital bed for you to get stashed away in with an
IV to ease the pain.
Instead, having grayscale makes you an automatic pariah who must live out your days in exile
with the other crazy Stone Men — who are both gross and lethal.
And Stone Men never get visited by hospital clowns.
The Faceless
Arya Stark might make the Faceless Men seem pretty rad, but let's be real here.
No one in their right mind wants to co-exist with these super-assassins.
If you have trouble trusting your neighbors now, just imagine if you lived in a world
where literally anyone could be a shapeshifting murderer in disguise who's taught to kill
without question.
What's worse is that in George R.R. Martin's world, you really can't even overlook your
own shadow as a potential threat.
Remember what happened to Renly Baratheon?
All it takes is one outraged witch to take you down where you stand without a blade in
sight.
Snows know
Being born out of wedlock in modern times isn't a big deal.
When it comes to families nowadays, who's to say who's illegitimate anymore?
In Westeros, however, being born a bastard is bad news.
You're immediately condemned to a life of indignation and contempt, have no claim to
your family's house, and you even have to take a name that alerts everyone to your status
as less-than.
The best you can hope for as a bastard is to earn legitimization if you're lucky, or
resign yourself to a sexless, family-less life of taking the black of the Night's Watch.
And this is all just because of someone else's naughty bedroom behaviors you had nothing
to do with.
No fair.
All the jaws
Thanks to modern civilization, we hardly have to worry about wild animals making a meal
of us anymore.
But in Westeros, there are several species that are just eager to feast on your flesh.
Among the fabled creatures that have been confirmed to exist in the books and show are
dragons and direwolves, each of which has its own unique way of bringing you a grisly
and untimely end.
"Dracarys."
And let's not forget about all those White Walkers lurking on the other side of the wall
that would be all too happy to turn you into a snow-zombie.
All it takes is one wrong turn of the horse and you've got a good chance of coming face-to-face
with something that's crawled out of your own nightmares.
Oh, and as a bonus?
Your own pets can be taken over by skinchangers.
So, even your most precious fur-baby can suddenly find itself inhabited by some maniacal wildling
who wants to kill you.
Sleep tight, kids!
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