"I'm a lucky woman."
"And I'm a wonderful man."
Homer and Marge Simpson's TV marriage has survived over 30 years of onscreen
ups and downs, disagreements, temptations and disasters.
[shrieking] "Ahhhh!
Ahh!
Oh, it's hot!
Ahh!"
Yet at first glance, this couple appears fundamentally mismatched.
What does Marge see in Homer, anyway?
He's boorish, selfish, and dimwitted.
"Oh, and how is [mocking] 'education' supposed to make me feel smarter?"
He can't take care of himself.
"You've been eating that thing for a week.
I think the mayonnaise is starting to turn."
He neglects his wife and children to spend
his time drinking at the local bar.
"Hey, put a coaster under that."
And frequently making decisions that endanger his family.
"You took a new job in a strange town without discussing it with your family?"
Homer is less Marge's equal partner
than a fourth kid she has to take care of.
"Yeah mom, you promised."
"Homer I told you, don't call me mom!"
So, on paper, Homer and Marge shouldn't work.
Yet film and TV is filled with these uneven couples,
where an attractive, smart, competent woman
stands by a husband who's less good-looking,
less impressive, and contributes far less to the relationship.
Here's our Take on why TV wives settle for mediocre men,
"Oh Homie!"
why lopsided relationships can counterintuitively last,
and what Homer and Marge teach us about the way
real-life marriage- sometimes- works.
"In a good marriage, you never say I told you so."
"Which is lucky for me because you're always right."
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"I envy you and Homer."
"Why?"
"If you ever met my ex-husband, you'd understand.
All he did was eat
sleep, and drink beer."
"Your point being?"
Pop culture is crowded with examples of the lopsided couple.
Maybe it's the classic beauty paired up with someone who's far less attractive.
"You are still the most handsome man in the world to me."
[laughing] "It doesn't make any sense."
The go-getting career woman who's hooked up with a slacker,
"You know they say don't drink and drive?"
"Uh-huh."
"Don't drink and bone!"
"Wow."
or the prim, proper woman married to a man who's morally suspect.
"My daughter is a princess.
She could have had anyone."
We're used to seeing this impeccable wife
put up with the misbehavior of her mediocre husband,
cleaning up his messes, and generally behaving more like his mother.
"All right, all right, now you're over-stimulated.
Let's get some beer in you, and then it's right to bed."
While examples of the mediocre TV husband range in the degree
of their shortcomings, we can see
a common profile for this character type.
He lacks ambition, working dead-end jobs
with no hope- or no desire- of promotion.
"The plant called and said if you don't come in tomorrow,
don't bother coming in Monday."
"Woo-hoo!
Four-day weekend!"
He might have trouble holding onto the job he has already.
"Dad, get a job.
You're trying to create drama because you're bored."
He also tends to be lazy in his home life,
content to leave the day-to-day chores or parenting duties to his wife.
"Yeah, well, you've got the 'fun' part right."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You're a lousy dad."
When not at work, he can be seen lounging around the house,
"Yeah, it's a lazy dog-danglin' afternoon."
shirking responsibilities,
"Come on, Ray, I'm serious."
"Alright, alright.
How come I'm the noise checker-outer?"
and failing to play the supportive, mature partner.
"My parents have separated.
They're on the path to divorce."
[Raymond laughs.]
"You laugh?!
You laugh?"
Others around him may marvel at how he landed such a desirable wife,
and frequently her family was (or remains) firmly against the match.
"You cannot marry Homer Simpson, I forbid it!"
Despite all these evident flaws, he has an inflated sense of self.
"I am so smart!
S-M-R-T."
Whether this misguided confidence stems from denial, ego,
or an underactive brain that doesn't bother thinking too deeply about things,
he tends to have positive self-esteem and to feel pretty good about his life.
"I'm hoping to get a piece of your sugar chicken later."
[Beth laughs]
He barely seems to notice or care that his bad behavior can be tough
for his family to endure.
Sitcoms, especially, get mileage
from the comedic tension created by pairing
a subpar spouse with a competent one.
"No wife of mine is gonna do dishes on Valentine's Day.
You can do these tomorrow."
In one of TV's earliest examples, The Honeymooners,
Jackie Gleason's Ralph Kramden was loud, arrogant, and often wrong,
leaving it to the wisecracking Alice to put him in his place.
"I've had just as much of this as I can stand, too, Ralph."
Ralph was the blueprint for mediocre TV husbands that followed him.
A model for everyone from Fred Flinstone and Peter Griffin,
to Kevin James on The King of Queens, to, of course, Homer Simpson.
"Animation is built on plagiarism!
If it weren't for someone plagiarizing
The Honeymooners, we wouldn't have The Flintstones."
As the women's movement revolutionized culture
in the 1970s and 1980s, TV housewives yielded to
ambitious career women.
In response to this cultural shift,
mediocre husbands on sitcoms became even more like cartoons.
"Ahh!"
Many of these men seemed like relics of another time,
with retrograde behaviors that symbolized a bygone era.
"It says that a woman should cleave into her husband.
Right here in this house is where Edith's cleavage belongs."
Their inadequacies were no longer to be celebrated,
but mocked by the women who were forced to put up with them.
"Chicken plucker!
Pays more than a shoe salesman.
Uh oh, 'Must have good personality.'
Oh well."
Marriage mismatches remain comedic gold to this day.
"Ahh Jeez, Lois.
I spent all morning on a boat with my friends drinking beer,
telling jokes, and screwing around.
How about a little me time?"
Take Beth and Jerry on Rick & Morty: This intelligent horse surgeon is
saddled to the quintessential underachieving, petulant spouse,
and won't quit him, much to the chagrin of her father.
"I remember the first time I saw her I thought-"
"I should get her pregnant.
And then she'll have to marry me."
So given this portrait, why would any woman
(let alone a real catch) fall for this guy?
"Marge, I need you more than anyone else
on this entire planet could possibly ever need you!"
"You don't have to join a freak show just because
the opportunity came along!"
"You know, Marge,
in some ways you and I are very different people."
In some ways, mediocre TV spouses
are simply a reflection of what's going on in the real world.
A 2019 study found that there are
"large deficits in the supply of potential male spouses"
because available men have less-than-ideal income,
education levels, and employment- so it follows that
(if they want to marry a man) many women do have to settle
for someone who's less high-achieving than they are.
"Multiply the denominator and the whole number
then add the product to the numerator.
The sum will be the new numerator.
Repeat the process with the second compound fraction..."
There's also the long-observed phenomenon that "opposites attract".
"The unlikely lovebirds met at Brown University.
She, a brilliant exolinguistics major, he, a laid-back sewer surfer
who didn't even know the meaning of "exolinguistics".
According to Psychology Today, these "opposites" might more accurately
be described as "complements," calling their differences
"the source of the most important aspect
of any successful relationship: chemistry."
When Homer and Marge first meet, she's a model student and a sharp,
politically minded star of their high school debate team.
"The first step to liberation is to free ourselves
from these male-imposed shackles!" [cheering]
Homer is decidedly not such an academic star.
"Hey Homer, you're late for English!"
"Pfft, English?
Who needs that,
I'm never going to England."
These high school sweethearts find each other in detention,
where they've landed for very different reasons.
"So, uh, what are you in for?"
"I'm a political prisoner."
They have that intangible chemistry
that arises from tension, recognizing almost instinctively
that their imbalances actually complement each other.
"Because I'm sure we were meant to be together."
Superficially, Homer and Marge reflect the classic "shotgun marriage":
two partners who are forced to commit by a pregnancy.
"Son, you've got to marry that girl."
"Because it's the
honorable thing to do?"
"No!
Because you'll never do any better."
But while the extenuating circumstances surely helped Homer make
what is clearly the best decision of his life,
"Whoo-hoo!
Woo-hoo!
Yeah, she's going to marry me!
In your face, everybody!" they don't fully explain
why intelligent, independent Marge agrees to marry him,
nor do they account for her obvious affection for Homer.
"You don't know Homer like I do.
He's sensitive and sweet."
"Marge, get your butt out here!" [honking horn]
So what does Marge see in him?
While it might not make sense to anyone outside their marriage,
Marge is obviously very physically attracted to Homer.
"Homie, you're good at lots of things."
"Like what?"
"Like snuggling."
Through thick and thin, with hair, and without.
Marge has always found Homer undeniably intriguing- even sexy.
"Homer, maybe it's the champale talking, but I think you're pretty sexy."
As Psychology Today observed, "We are drawn to others
out of needs and desires that are unfulfilled in our lives".
Despite her prudish exterior, Marge has a wild side that longs to cut loose.
"I'd like a hot fudge sundae with whipped cream
and some chocolate chip cheesecake, and a bottle of tequila!"
In Homer's impulsivity and self-indulgence, perhaps she
gets a vicarious thrill- a small taste of the freedom
and excitement she denies herself.
Studies have found that women are often attracted to men who display
qualities like arrogance, stubbornness, and risk-taking: "bad boys"
who seem like good candidates for sexual mating.
Complementing all his wild and stupid antics, though, crucially,
Marge loves that, at his core, Homer is a sweet, loving man.
"You are how I pictured my husband."
"I am?"
"Well, you may not look like Ted Bessell, but you're just as nice."
She recognizes that his thoughtlessness isn't out of malice,
and deep down he has a good heart.
"Marge, from the first moment I saw you,
I never wanted to be with anyone else.
I don't have much to offer you except all my love."
In fact, she first chose him over her prom date, Artie,
because she realized Artie was a jerk and Homer was decent.
"I've got a problem.
Once you stop this car,
I'm going to hug you, and kiss you, and then I'll never be able to let you go.''
And most fundamentally, their dynamic speaks to
Marge's deepest desire: to feel needed.
"I know now what I can offer you that no one else can:
complete and utter dependence!"
Marge is a nurturing figure
who derives most of her fulfillment from her family.
"The only thing I'm high on is love!
Love for my son and daughters."
And although it can be stressful, [Marge groans]
Marge not-so-secretly enjoys being a caretaker to her family,
which includes Homer.
"Marge!
There's a spider near my car keys!"
"You did the right thing by telling me."
In the real world, marriage usually changes men.
A 2018 University of Georgia study found that most men become
more conscientious and responsible after becoming husbands.
This might explain why the idea that women can "fix" men
through commitment remains a common trope.
"A guy is a lump, like this donut.
Okay.
So, first, you gotta get rid
of all this stuff his mom did to him.
And then you gotta get rid
of all that macho crap that they pick up from the beer commercials.
And then, there's my personal favorite: the male ego."
And perhaps *this* is another reason why the competent woman is drawn
to that mediocre man- he's clearly got room for improvement.
[singing] "So he's a bit of a fixer-upper.
So he's got a few flaws!"
With encouragement and tough love, her thinking goes, she can
mold her husband into a better version of himself,
thus yielding her a sense of achievement in her marriage.
"He was loud, crude, and piggish.
But I worked hard on him,
and now he's a whole new person."
"Mom...?"
"He's a whole.
New.
Person.
Lisa!"
Mediocre husbands on TV are a different story, though.
They have to stay who they are, to keep things entertaining.
"Homer, I told you this morning, no guns at the dinner table!"
Homer Simpson hasn't really changed at all-
which is, of course, a hallmark of the show.
"It seems like I've been wearing this same red dress forever."
Fans have wondered for years why Marge hasn't just wised up
and divorced Homer already.
And although the pair has come close,
something always brings them back together.
"I know you love me.
We don't need to get married again."
"Yes, we do, I got us a divorce this afternoon."
"What?"
Ultimately, it's the continuing, fixed opposition
that fuels their solid partnership.
As Psychology Today puts it,
the tension between opposites "produces the passion
that sustains, deepens, and enlivens relationships."
"Homer, is this the way you pictured married life?"
"Yeah, pretty much.
Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries."
After more than 30 seasons of not improving and
still challenging each other, they remain the most
resilient fictional relationship on television.
"Best kiss of my life."
"Best kiss of your life so far."
"Marriage is a lot like an orange.
First you have the skinÿ then the sweet, sweet innards"
So what lessons can the rest of us learn from this perfectly imperfect,
balanced-by-imbalance marriage?
First of all, choosing a subpar partner may not be the worst thing.
A 2008 study published in Journal of Family Psychology
found that "both spouses behaved more positively in relationships
in which wives were more attractive than their husbands."
"I love being married.
I got a good deal.
Must be hell on you."
"Yeah."
The Simpsons' union has survived
in large part due to managed expectations:
Marge knows that Homer will screw up, and she sets the bar accordingly.
"The only thing I asked you to do for this party was put on clothes
and you didn't do it."
But she also knows
that Homer means well and wants to make her happy.
So she's able to share her feelings when he disappoints her.
"But last night, you didn't just cross that line, you threw up on it!"
In return, Homer's willingness to listen and admit
when he's wrong, and their ability to have
this kind of open communication, make the difference between
a marriage that's difficult, but loving, and one that's doomed.
"Even when you yell at me, I can see love in your eyes."
"Stick to the subject!"
"Haha, you love me."
[Marge Groans]
On a deeper human level, couples like the Simpsons
also expose that we all have our flaws, even someone as outwardly perfect
as Marge Simpson.
"For the first time in our marriage,
I can finally look down my nose at you.
You have a gambling problem!"
Seeing only the binary clich¨¦ of the mediocre husband
and the long-suffering wife is reductive and doesn't reflect the
nuances of most real-world relationships.
Ultimately, Homer and Marge have stayed together
for so many years because they get each other.
"Wow, Marge, you really do understand me."
They're complementary opposites who accept each other's differences,
and enjoy the passion sparked by the tension that creates.
"It's like you're from Venusÿ And you're from Mars."
"Oh, sure, give me the one with all the monsters."
Perhaps most importantly, Homer knows just how fortunate he is,
"Love isn't hopeless.
Look, maybe I'm no expert
on the subject, but there was one time I got it right."
and Marge feels gratitude, too.
"I am lucky.
I have a husband and three wonderful children."
So, after three decades and counting, Homer and Marge give us all hope
that even the *most* mismatched couple can find their own imperfect harmony.
"There's a reason two people come together and stay together:
there's something they give each other that nobody else can give them."
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