Hey there, this is clay. And in this video, we're going to be talking about how to know if your ex
still likes you. Now, you know, I've been helping people with breakups and getting
back together with their exes and save their relationships and all that stuff for, you know,
maybe about 12 years now, almost 12 years, uh, back since 2009, if you can believe that
one of the main concerns that a lot of people have is, Hey, does my ex even still like me, am I just
wasting my time? Is this a lost cause or something like that? First of all, if this is something that
you genuinely want to do, then by all means, go ahead and do it. If you don't want to do it,
then don't do it. You know, I think if we hit the end of our lives and we look back and we can say,
Hey, you know, I gave it my all. And even if it didn't work out, at least
I don't have to have any regrets. I think that's really what most people want. So if you want to
see what's going on between you and your ex and what is possible, my advice to say is to say,
just go ahead and give it a shot. If there's nothing there, if it's just not showing up,
then, um, you know, Hey, at least you gave it a good shot. At least you don't have to be wondering
what could have been. Right. But anyway, um, as we go through this video, we're going to be
talking about towards the end here, uh, basically a, a framework, a structure that you can use to
kind of tell where the two of you are at, in terms of your connection, in terms of your,
um, bonding, in terms of how strong things are between the two of you.
Before we get into that, let's, we'll just cover a couple of basic things. So, you know, like number
one, obviously, if they're flirting with you, they like you. Okay. Uh, at least in a physical sense,
right? Um, if the flirting is more kind of like anchored to your personality, like, you know, oh,
wow. The way that you are. So creative really turns me on, like, obviously that's more of a
personality sort of thing, and they like you in that way too. Um, but flirting obviously is a,
an indication that they like you, another thing is that they liked you in the past, you know,
especially if the breakup was somewhat recent, you know, if the breakup was like 10 years ago,
five years ago, or something like, Hey, who knows? But if the two of you broke up somewhat recently,
like a few weeks, a few months ago or something like that, and they like legit liked you in the
past, then chances are, you know, they still like you now of course, there are going to be
things that are holding them back from fully expressing that like pain from the breakup
hurt mixed emotions, all that sort of stuff. But, you know, they probably still like you, um,
again, you know, you can't just switch certain things off, unless, unless you had some sort
of like major, uh, you know, personality break where it's like, yeah, you know,
I was living a double life. I gave this impression that I was like, totally committed to you,
but really I had like two secret families on the side, um, that you didn't know about that
I kept hidden from you and all that, like that, that's a totally different story. But if the two
of you actually were like legitimately, um, you know, in a great relationship,
you are who you basically claim to be chances, are they still like you, especially if the breakup
happened somewhat recently. Um, and then the third thing is, is if they are actually
going out of their way to clear a path for the two of you to, you know, connect in a deeper way
to actually be together, um, if they're doing this, then it shows you that they like you.
And that they're, you know, valuing the connection that the two of you have, the, the bond, the two
of you have the relationship that the two of you have, whatever you may call it. Um, and they're,
they're doing things that allow the two of you to be closer together. This might be things like,
Hey, inviting you to do something I'm apologizing. If they think that they hurt your feelings,
um, you know, things like that, where it's basically just like, okay, they are clearing
a path for us to connect in a deeper sort of way. That's a big indication that they like you. So,
um, we're going to now get into this main thing that I want to talk about in this video,
which is how to know if, uh, sort of where they are at in terms of all of this and how to know
actually what you should be focusing on as well too, during this whole journey here,
before we get into all of that, though, please hit the thumbs up button for this video.
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of this video or any other video that I do hit the thumbs up button, um, if you're not already
also subscribed to the channel and all that stuff, and, you know, by the way,
what we're going to be talking about next is what we cover inside of our course called
effortless connection. You can find that over@modernlovedotlifeslashedcasmodernlove.life
slash E as in effortless, C as in connection, really simple a URL to remember there anyway,
um, after talking to people for the past, you know, 12 years or so about their relationships,
why it didn't work, what caused it to struggle, what caused it to get better?
What caused them to get back together? What caused them to, you know, get married down
the road and give me this great, wonderful update. There's really three things that can come out of
a relationship that cause it to hit on a rough time. And if we bring these three things back
into alignment, um, the things start to work a lot better. The couple starts to, you know,
improve in their connection with one another. And if they're broken up, they start to actually get
back together. Um, and so we can use these three things as a sort of barometer to where are at,
and we can also use this as a reflection to let us know if our ex likes us or if we
have some other work to do here. Um, but basically, uh, the, the, the first thing
that we're going to talk about thing, number one is, uh, what we call being on the same team.
If you and your ex are on the same team with one another, then they're going to support you.
They're going to be on your side. They're going to take your side in things like, if you say, Hey,
I had this really crazy day at work. This coworker said this and that and that,
and they say, you know what? Yeah, you are right. That coworker's a jerk or something like that.
Then you know that they are on your side. On the other hand, they say, well, you know, you were
wrong for this reason and that reason and all that stuff. And you like your coworkers totally. Right.
Then they're obviously not on your side. I mean, unless you're just doing something like totally
ridiculous, like stealing from the company or embezzling money or, uh, you know, doing
something dangerous, then it might make sense for them to say, Hey, you're in the wrong here.
But you know, if they're just willing to take your side, that shows that the two of
you were on the same team. If you're not on the same team, you know, you're on what we'd say,
opposite teams. And this is where a lot of relationship problems come from. It's what causes
people to be defensive against one another. It's what causes people to walk on eggshells, to hold
things back from one another, to not fully express themselves, to think that they need to fit into
certain boxes, certain categories like, okay, you know, um, you're a man, therefore I need to
show up this way in order to be an attractive woman for you, or, you know, you're a woman,
therefore I need to show up in this way. That's authentic in order to be an attractive man for
you or whatever the case might be. Or, you know, you have this attachment style.
I have that attachment style. You have this love language. I have that love language.
These are all little things that break us up into different teams that cause more of
a rift to form between us. And, uh, there are many ways that we can be not on the same team.
Obviously some of these are just due to like, Hey, I have some junk in my brain. Cause I was
reading too much pop psychology or something like that. Others have this other ways that this can
happen. And so like, Hey, I was listening to, you know, too much like conventional dating advice
that like men and women can never get along because they're fundamentally enemies with one
another, right? A hint, if you and your partner are fundamentally enemies with one another,
you are probably in the wrong relationship. Um, or, or you just need to clear some things
up between the two of you, but ideally in a relationship you should be on the same team.
Um, and yeah, what we can do is we can try to actually be on the same team with one another,
get on the same side, get on a cooperative collaborative path with one another. And
if you see this starting to show up in your interactions with your ex, you know, you're on
the same team and you know that they like you, okay. If this isn't showing up, I'd probably
put in some effort to try to make this happen, to see if it is possible for it to happen, if
it can happen. Awesome, great. We're on the same team and things are working better. Um, you know,
maybe it was just a misunderstanding. Maybe they had read too much pop psychology themselves too,
or too much, you know, conventional dating advice or whatever. Um, but either way we want to see if
they can be on the same team, if they can. Awesome. They like us. Uh, the second thing
that gets out of alignment is communication. I think many times, most of us,
uh, recognize that communication is an important factor in having a great relationship. But, uh,
you know, communication is more about like, Hey, what do I say to you to make you do what I want to
do? A communication is more about really, at least for the purposes of this conversation.
Um, can we minimize the misunderstandings between the two of us? Can we talk in a way that minimizes
misunderstandings? And if you and your partner can do this, then it's going to show and demonstrate
that, um, you're being thoughtful about how your words are affecting them. And you're doing the
best that you can to try to understand where they're coming from. And likewise, if they are
doing their best to try to communicate with you, um, it shows that they're being thoughtful and
considered about what you're feeling, what you're wanting, what you're needing.
And I'm also trying to make sure that there's minimal misunderstandings between the two of you
as well too. Um, the third thing that gets out of alignment is, is trust. And for the sake of
this conversation and we trust is really just, can we consistently show up on the same team over time
and can we consistently communicate in a way that minimizes misunderstandings over a
period of time? So it's really about consistency here. And this is where those whole five stages
of getting back together really fall into place. Here. We have made a whole video playlist on the
five stages. Feel free to check it out right up there. A lot of people found it really helpful
for them. If you might find it really helpful as well too, but basically the five stages are
a journey of trust. And as they go through this journey of trust, you may experience
confusing things like the hot and cold behavior of riding the dragon, the active discouragement,
despite positive connection, um, that you experienced at crisis points, et cetera.
But, uh, basically that's where those all fall into play. But if you can get these three things
in place, and if you can look at like, where are we out of alignment in these three things, you're
going to know, um, what you need to focus on. And if you are seeing a lot of positive things,
when it comes to these three things, you're going to be able to know, okay, this is letting me know
that, um, that my ex likes me here. Okay. So if you want to work more on these three things here,
we do have a course called effortless connection. Once again, it's over@modernlove.life slash E C.
Um, if you did like this video hit the thumbs up, subscribe to this YouTube channel, hit the bell
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more. So please do all those things anyway, take care. And I'll talk to you in the next week.