Are you dealing with a narcissist and wonder if they ever possibly collapse? By the end
of this video, you're going to know all about what happens when they do actually collapse
and their pretty bizarre behavior when that actually happens.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% attorney and the bestselling author of the books, Negotiate
Like YOU M.A.T.T.E.R. and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide. I've helped thousands
of people go from lives of drama, trauma, and chaos to step into lives of freedom, possibility,
and purpose. And I do the same thing for you right here on this channel and in these videos.
So make sure you subscribe and hit that notification bell, and that way you'll get notified when
I upload new content and when I go live. Now, if you're dealing with a narcissist,
you may have learned all about the different phases of a narcissistic relationship, including
love bombing, devaluing, and discarding. If you want to know more about that, you can
definitely check out my videos on those. But basically when you're dealing with a narcissist,
you're dealing with a person who has no sense of self. They're really just almost like a
shell. A lot of what they do is wrapped around trying to cover up the fact that they have
no sense of self. I'm not saying that they don't have inherent value as human beings,
as souls on this planet. I'm saying that they don't feel like they do. And so because of
that, they treat other people badly. They live in a world of scarcity, like if they
don't get before anybody else that they're not going to have it. They're in a world of
survival all the time. So how that manifests itself is how they treat
other people is just horribly because they just feel like if they reach out at all, if
they give at all, then they won't get. That somehow their own whole world will not be
right, that they'll start to collapse. And so how that collapsed starts to happen for
them is when they start to see things unraveling. Narcissists live on something called narcissistic
supply. If you haven't checked out my series, the Narcissism 101 series, check that out,
because in that series I go through all of the basic terminology, the basic information
that you need to understand how narcissists work.
While I am an attorney, and my role here is to help you negotiate with these people and
also create strategy and leverage and all of that, if you don't understand the basics
of a narcissistic personality, you'll never be able to understand how to do those things.
So understanding the basic terminology and the basic understanding of their brain is
absolutely essential. Talking about how they act in a time of collapse is going to be important,
but leading up to how does that collapse happen is also going to be really, really important.
When you're dealing with a narcissist, you're dealing with a person who spends their entire
lives trying to cover up things, trying to put on this show, that is basically trying
to be a masquerade so that people don't see what's really going on underneath that shell.
They're also constantly trying to grab everything they possibly can to make themselves feel
better, look better, feel more important, look more superior to others. That's why they
spend most of their day going around treating people badly, judging people, putting people
down. The only reason why they're ever nice to somebody is because they're constantly
trying to manipulate people into getting under their web of control, because then that makes
them feel better. I mean, I once heard that narcissists are like rats in a maze. They're
just after that one thing, that one piece of cheese. That's the only thing that they're
looking for. And the way I look at it is narcissistic supply
is the only thing that drives them, and they get supply from money and adulation and respect
and all of those things. But most of the time, they go around getting narcissistic supply
from the darker underbelly of narcissistic supply, which is treating people poorly, intimidation
tactics, sometimes even violence, control tactics, gaslighting, triangulation, flying
monkeys, smear campaigns, all of those sorts of things. It's this constant house of cards
that they are keeping constructed, and it's actually a very fragile house of cards. Keeping
that house of cards intact is so much work. That's basically all that they spend their
time doing, trying to be sure that they're never exposed, that no one will ever see that
side of them that they don't want people to see. If this all sounds super familiar to
you so far, give me a totally in the comments. Okay, so now the house of cards is coming
apart, it's all falling down around them. What does that mean for a narcissist? It means
that they've been exposed in some way. It means that somebody has shown them up, stripped
away whatever leverage they thought they had. It means that something has unraveled for
them, and they're actually being exposed. They lose their ability to control themselves.
I've really seen this when people are negotiating with narcissists. And this is what I teach
people, it's about the strategy and the leverage in my S.L.A.Y program. I always tell people
that they're the worst before they're actually ready to give up, because this is when they
realize that that mask has been taken off, that filter is gone, so they start to lose
control. You start to see them doing things that seem erratic or impulsive. They start
to make mistakes. They start to fire off emails or text messages or things that are actually
going to end up being really great trial exhibits against them.
That's when you start to know that they're starting to lose control, they're starting
to be nervous about what's going to happen. The second thing that might happen is they
actually have a complete meltdown. I mean, maybe you start seeing crying, crazy behavior,
bizarre behavior where they don't seem like themselves. They normally seem completely
in control, and now they're desperate, they're begging, they're acting like they'll do anything.
That's the second thing that you might see. The third thing that you might see is hoovering.
Now is when they're going to start to come back and go, "Oh, wait a minute, we can always
work this out. You know that we always could." Something like that. If you want to know more
about what hoovering is, check out my video on hoovering. But that's the next thing that
you might see is, okay, crying didn't work, coming apart at the seams, all of those things
where they just completely have lost control, so let me try something else. You start to
see them acting very, very desperately. And the last thing is that they start to panic,
and you start to see fear and horror in their eyes. If you want to know more about what
makes a narcissist panic, check out my video on how to make a narcissist panic. But the
basic thing you need to understand is that when you trigger that narcissistic injury,
that narcissistic rage comes flying out. And when that happens, it's because they're starting
to lose control. They're starting to collapse. And so they start acting very, very bizarrely
during a collapse. If you are getting ready to negotiate with
a narcissist, make sure to grab my free Crush My Negotiation prep worksheet. It is at winmynegotiation.com.
If you like this video, give it a like, and if you think it would be helpful for others,
make sure to share it, please, and drop me a comment. If you haven't subscribed to my
channel, make sure you do that now. Subscribe, hit that notification bell. If you want more
support, come join me in my free private Facebook group called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca
Zung, I'd love to see you there. I'm so glad that you stopped by my channel. Remember,
today's a great day to start negotiating your best life. I'll see you in
the next video.