I'm sitting on a table, and I'm very...
It's a sixty year old liquor table
And I'm very afraid it is not built to withstand being sat on
I'm trying to spread my weight out onto the edges of it
If any of you have watched the recent Daniel Howell Why I Quit Youtube video
If you haven't, highly recommend it
I haven't
Hannah hasn't yet, but I can tell you Hannah and all of you
That we agree with so much of it, just the difficulties of being a Youtuber
Does that have to do with my table or did you just cut me off to point out
Something completely unrelated?
No, no, it's super relevant, he goes on this thing about how much he hates
Setting up the camera, getting the lighting right, getting the shot correct
He's like I am a comedian, basically, that is what my passion is
Not the technical stuff
And Hannah is the same way, she's like ah I don't want to do that
So we just spent a lot of time getting the shot ready
Yeah, I get frustrated really easily with the camera
S: Anyway H: It's still not... it's fine
So yesterday, I came outside to ask Hannah something
And she was laying out getting some sun
Yes
I begin talking to her and notice that her entire left boob is just out in the open
It was an accident
Like a wild animal
I know, you were like uhhhh
I don't want to say any specific parts
Because I'm afraid it'll get our video flagged or something
A very specific part of her boob
Shane was like do you know that you're just exposed, basically?
Luckily none of our neighbors can really see where I was laying
I don't know if that's true, there is definitely one window
That looks down on our pool area (Both laugh)
But anyway, we were laughing about it and it got us thinking about making this video
Where we talk about a time that Shane was indecently exposed in a public pool
Which I think happens a lot and I think you should explain why that happens
Okay, yeah
As bathing suit styles get shorter and shorter
A trend I do not agree with, by the way
But also, Shane, you have to buy kids' sizes, it's not just that
There are multiple factors working against me here
My body and legs are the approximate size of an 8 year old
Other parts of me are not the size of an eight year old
Which we've discussed
And so I have a tendency to fall out the bottom of my bathing suit
Because the little boys suits will have a little net
And the net is obviously for a child and it doesn't work for Shane
And so then it just doesn't work
And then because they're short...
There's just nowhere for it to hide
But we do our best normally
That's why we bought those tight ones in Poland
The long tight jammers, and those worked well
And sometimes I wear boxers underneath
And we tuck everything where it needs to be so there's no issues
But this is trial and error, and we're about to tell you about the error
So we were in Florida, I believe, on a roadtrip like 5 years ago
5 years ago, pre Youtube
It was late at night, and we were like hey, let's go down to the pool
It was a resort hotel at a beach
And there were families everywhere, very busy hotel
I don't know if we've ever told this story
But a kid put crabs, they caught crabs in the ocean and they put them in the pool
I don't know if we've ever mentioned that, but that's this
It was a whole big deal
But there were a lot of people around
Normally we wouldn't get in the pool in that situation
Because we don't like people near us
Which is just so friendly
But that night we were like no, we're swimming
We had one night at this hotel
And we weren't staying at a lot of nice places on this road trip
And this was a nicer place and we were like we are using this hotel
Like we had just come from a motel 8
So we were like alright, this is a step up
S: Let's really get our money's worth here H: Yeah, we're getting the pool
So we got in the pool
Shane has his neck float on
No, you were holding me
I don't think I had my neck float, or maybe I did
But I remember you were sitting on a ledge that was in the pool
I'm kind of sitting on her lap and she's holding me
This is in the early phase of our relationship
We'd been dating for a year, yeah
Like the honeymoon stage was not over yet
S: So we were cuddling and just being cute H: And giddy
And probably cringey and disgusting
There's kids splashing around, throwing crabs in the pool having a great time
Families everywhere, and I ask Hannah to rearrange my suit under my butt
Yeah, you were like I feel like it's not on right
S: "It feels weird" H: Yeah, "something feels wrong"
Welcome to our May Hello Fresh video
Tonight we'll making crunchy charred...
H: No, curried S: Curry
H: Crunch, curried (laughs) S: I'm just learning how to read
S: Crunch, curried chickpea bowls H: Yep, yum
S: As you know, we're a big fan of bowls, so here we go
H: Hello Fresh recipes feature produce that goes from the farm
To your front door in under a week
Which means their spring menu features the season's freshest flavors
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And fresh preportioned ingredients that cut out meal prep
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They're the first carbon neutral meal kit company
And nearly all packaging is recyclable
S: (sings) That looks amazing H: (laughs)
S: I feel like I'm at a restaurant right now
H: Thank you, that's the goal
S: Alright, Hannah will now tell you about our special offer
H: Go to hellofresh.com and use code SQUIRMYANDGRUBS16
For up to 16 free meals and 3 surprise gifts
Again, go to hellofresh.com and use code SQUIRMYANDGRUBS16
For up to 16 free meals and 3 surprise gifts
S: Oh my god, I'm very excited to eat that H: Uh huh, let's go
H: "I feel like it's not on right" S: "It feels weird"
H: Yeah, "something feels wrong"
And Hannah's hand moves down into that area and comes into contact
With something that is fully out in the open
Not even a bit of it, all of it, the whole thing
All of it is entirely out of my bathing suit
I cannot emphasize how many people...
Kids with goggles (laughs)
Within like ten feet of us, and it had been out for a while
Like probably a half hour, so Hannah very rapidly tucked me back in
I was like holy (bleep)
As best she could
Yeah
I mean, I hope to god that no child had their life ruined that day
I can't imagine that none did
Like there were kids with goggles on getting the crabs out of the pool
A lot was going on, so maybe it was enough of a distraction, but maybe..
Maybe all the commotion that we saw had nothing to do with the crabs
They were like "there's a man with three legs walking around that pool" (laughs)
We were like oh, man, these kids are so worked up over the crabs, chill out
Why are they running away screaming? They're just crabs (laughs)
Anyway that was my indecent exposure
H: Wow S: Rough time
I mean we stayed in the pool, we tucked me away and then we stayed there
We probably did stay in the pool, that's what we probably did
I can't remember
Probably fell right back out, though
Have you ever been indecently exposed in public?
I mean, I've gone off a diving board and my bottoms have come down
That's happened, but nothing prolonged
Where I've been like oh wow, for a long time I've been exposed
We were at the beach once and my dad
I think it was my dad, might've been a different family member
But my dad dove head first into an oncoming wave
And it removed his bathing suit, there's nothing you can do then
You have to find it
Oh, bathing suits
Yeah, that's another thing, we got new bathing suits
And they're a little bit short
And they have, instead of a net, in Shane's
I also got new bathing suits, mine doesn't have a net
We should do a fashion show
Yeah, we should
Fashion show
But let's keep you in your chair
I just don't know if you're gonna be able to see
They're very short, is what I'm saying
We're not showing them how I fall out, what do you mean?
Of course I'll be in my chair (laughs)
Shane, I'm just saying that I don't know how much of the suit will show
That's what I'm saying
Well this leg they'll be able to see
Maybe, it's gonna be interesting
Alright, here's our new bathing suits, enjoy
Alright, prepare yourself
This next segment is going to get a bit steamy
If you've ever found yourself becoming smitten with me and my body
Things are about to get a lot more difficult for you
Hannah, as my wife, do you approve of what I'm about to show them?
H: Yep S: It's gonna get leggy
(Hannah laughs)
Brand new bathing suit number one
Luckily you kept your fuzzy socks on
Look at these
H: There's not a lot of fabric sticking out, they're kinda short
H: But they're pizza
S: Now, the... don't go in there
The pros of this bathing suit: very sexy
Will attract men and women from miles away
Excuse me, you don't need that
They will flock to me
Cheesy, cheesy pizza, one of my favorite foods
S: Cons, I will fall out the bottom of these H: They're very short
There is very little room to keep me concealed
So we will not be swimming at public pools this summer
Alright, bathing suit number two
I mean, Hannah's gonna do hers but it's not what you're here for, I know
So she'll do hers after mine
Before I switch my bathing suit, what do you think it looks like?
Comment below, first one was pizza, next one could be anything
H: Oh boy S: What do you think it is?
Bathing suit number two, here we go
Do you want to do a cool transition, Shane?
What?
A cool transition for your bathing suit, like a cool transition?
Wow, you're such an influencer
Like I'll swing the camera around, are you ready?
I'm gonna bring it down and then bring it up and you'll be in your new suit
What a content creator you are
Ready?
Wait wait, are you swinging that way?
No, I'm going down
Okay, don't show the body
Oh my god
Bathing suit number two!
Hope our transition worked
Pineapples
Did you guess pineapples?
If you did, you win the grand prize
A swim with Shane
Whatever you want (Hannah laughs)
No, a midnight swim with Shane
And the bathing suit that I wore, after I'm done wearing it
You get to take it
Oh god, I was like what?
Anyway, pros of this bathing suit, pink, fun, festive
Yeah, I love the color
Childish, my basic aesthetic
Well it is a kids' swimsuit
Tropical, pineapples, delicious
Yep, okay
It's also scratch and sniff I believe
Nope
Cons: I will be falling out of the bottom of these as well
It's the same swimsuit, Shane
You just got two swimsuits in two different patterns
If everybody didn't know that
Oh, other pro: really comfy
Yeah, they're stretchy and amazing
I'm roaching all around, see that knee movement?
I don't see much happening
There's a little movement
Oh yeah
It's happening on the inside (both laugh)
Really comfy, I love my new bathing suits and I'm excited to wear them
H: Nice S: Okay, your turn
H: My turn S: I don't know why, but okay
S: Oh, ready? (singing) Da da daaa, bathing suit number one
S: Woah H: Pink! We match
S: We match
I don't know if you can see Shane's any more
It's pink and it's like a ribbed fabric, it's so comfy
And this one, you didn't say where yours were from
I'm gonna say where mine were from
Mine were from Abercrombie
I'm also wearing a cover up, do you see this cover up?
Yes, I see it
Festive
This suit is from Hackwith Design House in Minnesota
I had a suit from them last year and they sent me another one
Thank you for the free gift
Yes, thank you for my swimsuit, I love it, it's amazing
You can see the back
What are the pros and cons?
Pros, I love the color and I love that you can tie it so it fits perfectly
Yes. Will you fall out the bottom?
Really comfortable, I can't really think of any cons
I don't know, I haven't swum in it yet
Maybe if it disintegrates in water we'll find out
Is it edible?
I had no cons with my suit last year so I'm pretty sure this is gonna hold up just fine
Cons: not edible
Not edible, not scratch and sniff, I don't know
Alright, bathing suit number two
I'm gonna do a transition, okay, I'm gonna do a transition
Say number two again
S: Number two again H: (laughs) No
S: Woah H: Did it work?
Bathing suit number two
H: Bathing suit number two S: Looking stylish
H: Different color scheme, this is a removable strap
This is a halter strap that can be removed so it's just a bandeau
Made of silicone
This is from Nicks, as is the coverup
And then these bottoms I bought from Aerie
Your part is so boring
Pros: super comfortable, very supportive
Don't do that (laughs)
H: Nice fabric S: High rise
High rise, yep, love them
Cons?
Accentuates the belly button
Yep, points to the belly button
Yep, also don't do that
Cons, doesn't turn into pants, is that one?
S: Yes H: That's a con
S: Why don't they make bathing suit pants?
H: I don't know, I really don't know
Anyway, now that that's over (both laugh)
Wow, you really hated my part
We hope you enjoyed our bathing suit fashion show
Maybe this'll be our thumbnail
You have an eyelash
S: Aw H: Oh my gosh
S: But my head's barely in it
We're not doing this as a thumbnail, Shane, you're down there
Alright, bye everyone
Bye