- Welcome back. Mr. Phillip Schofield's still here,
but let's get my next guest out.
In a few short years she's gone from being the best
British newcomer to the UKs biggest selling
female comic of all time.
Will you please welcome
Sarah Millican.
(audience applaud)
Hello, Sarah, how lovely to see you again.
- Lovely to see you.
- Here's Phillip.
- Hello.
- Thank you.
- Lovely to see you Sarah.
- Hello.
So I'm thinking you genuinely are a long time
fan of Phillip are you?
- Yeah, absolutely. Why wouldn't you be?
I grew up with Phillip on the telly.
And I even had like a rule
because my dad's called Phillip as well
and I remembered how to spell yours
and how to spell his,
by saying two for Schofield,
one for dad,
because there's only one 'l' in my dad's name.
- So how many times were you writing the other Phillip's
name down?
- Every now and again.
Mostly the surname with mine.
(audience laughing)
I sent you a birthday card one year.
When you were on the radio.
Was it Radio 2 you were on or Radio 1?
- Radio 1.
- So how old would you have been then?
- When were you on the radio?
- That would have been about 90, 91, 92.
- No, that's not right.
- [Jonathan] I think he might know.
- I was 17.
(Sarah and Phillip laughing)
- That's not right
- We were just deciding how a sweet little nine year old,
no 17 year old.
Dear Phillip. Marry me. I'm getting desperate.
- Oh my God.
- Well I wrote you a card and I thought I was
really funny in the card,
and when you read it out, and I was thrilled,
but you said: "Remember everyone. When you're sending
a card in you don't have to try and be funny".
(audience laughing)
- I was crushed. I was crushed.
- I wasn't saying that to you. It was probably because
you were the funny one and everyone else was rubbish. -
- No. So then I decided to be a comedian to prove you wrong.
(audience laughing)
You started it off.
- And now, we text each other.
- Oh there we have a picture of-
- Oh this is-
- That is a genuine photograph.
A genuine photograph of Sarah.
She was probably 30 then. We're not sure.
How old do you think she was?
I must've been about nine or 10. Look at the perm on it.
Wowsers.
- So that was a perm? You actually did your hair
like that sort of-
- Deliberately.
- Yeah.
- Thanks Jonathan.
- We text each other now. And I think that's a lovely sort
of final thing to that story of the
bedroom walls and stuff.
- This is not final.
- No.
(audience laughing)
- This is just part of me plan.
(Sarah and audience laughing)
- [Jonathan] This is like Misery.
You're going to wake up tied to a bed and she's
got a hammer. And she's going.
Yeah. Where's your gopher now Phillip?
(audience laughing)
- It actually happened to me, that I got a phone call,
one morning, when I was at This Morning,
and they said, there is a phone call, would you take this?
So yeah. Hello.
- [Caller] Hello Mr. Schofield. I'm so sorry to bother
you at work. We just wondered whether or not you were
about ready now to pay for the venue and the flowers
and the caterers.
And I said "I'm sorry. I don't understand".
And a fan, who is a little obsessed, was a little obsessed,
may still be a little obsessed,
had booked our entire wedding.
(audience laughing)
The whole thing.
- Wow.
- And then left me with the bloody bill.
(Sarah laughing)
- Smart.
- Well, lets talk. You've moved house recently.
- Yeah, we have a- I wanted to-
I was a bit of a workaholic I think
and I wanted to just kind of balance it out a little bit
and have all the-
- You've been gigging really solidly for years now
haven't you?
- Yeah, about six or seven years. Just non stop really,
so I wanted to- I made a list of things I wanted to do
to try and have a better work life balance
and I got cats and I got married.
That shouldn't be in that order should it? I got married
and learnt to cook.
Because I've never been very good at cooking.
Brilliant at eating. Not very good at cooking.
- So what's your signature dish now?
How you getting on with the cooking?
- It's all all right. I'm still quite early stages, because
I found like two or three things that I can do and I just
do them over and over again.
But I did, I used to always have bother with some of the-,
I didn't know the vocabulary and I couldn't remember
the word marinate and I was describing a recipe
I tried to my friend, and I said to her :
You get the chicken, you put a bit of olive oil on it.
You get some lemon, thyme and you put it in the fridge.
You cover it, put it in the fridge and leave it over night
to fester.
(audience laughing)
That's not right. That's not right.
- I've never seen that written on a menu.
But maybe if I did now, I'd know what it means.
Let's have a look.
This is in her comedy DVD. It's called Home Bird.
This is Sarah in action.
- Well you know when you first move in somewhere
that's new to you, you want to make a few changes,
don't you, so it feels a bit more like yours.
One of the things I really wanted.
Like my parents are both disabled and they're both getting
on a bit in age and I thought something that would be really
good for when they come to stay, would be a grab rail
in the shower. I won't really notice it when I'm in
the shower, but when they come to stay that would be
very useful for them.
So I got a grab rail fitted in the shower.
And like a month later I had a friend around visit
and I was showing her around the house you know,
biscuit room, other biscuit room.
(audience laughing)
Careful you don't trip up on all the knickers and bread.
(audience laughing)
We go to the bathroom and I said :
Oh look I've had a grab rail fitted in the shower,
and she went like this : Ooh saucy.
(audience laughing)
I said, I don't know what you're talking about
but I'm trying to keep pensioners up right.
(audience laughing)
And I told me dad because I thought he'd find it funny
and he went.
- "Nah, nah, for that sort of business
you need two of them".
(audience laughing)
- [Jonathan] There you go. Home Bird arrived.
That's Sarah's newest DVD.
- [Jonathan] There seems to be a running theme in
your DVD's, and I think it started in the first one.
There was a gentleman in the audience and you only notice
this in the edit.
- Yes.
- And you decided to leave it in. Tell me what happened.
- So, what happened, we were, we watched the DVD loads
when the edit goes through and you check for little
tweaks and things, and then the DVD,
this is the first one, Chatterbox, was launched.
And then, because I'm on Twitter, you get messages
from people on Twitter and the messages we're saying :
Have you seen that at 34 minutes there's a man asleep
in your audience?
(audience laughing)
And of course we hadn't, because we would've cut him out.
- So I put it on and I watch it and I was talking to a lady
in the audience and there was a man behind, just like,
just completely sparked out. Like that.
- [Jonathan] I think we've got the photograph.
There we go. That's it right there.
So what we decided to do for the second DVD,
was we thought we'd fake it.
So with the second DVD, I said to the audience
in the room that we were recording in,
I said : Right, what we're going to do is
we're going to- if we can get a volunteer,
we're going to get a lady this time to pretend to be asleep
and we'll put it in at 34 minutes and we'll see if people
will spot it. It'd be really fun.
So we did that and it all went really well and in the edit
we found an actual woman asleep as well.
(audience laughing)
So we had to put the lady, and that's the lady,
because every time her boyfriend/husband, every time he
laughed his shoulders went up and her head wobbled.
(audience laughing)
- You wear fluffy slippers when you're on stage?
- Yes I do.
- But you don't explain.
- No, I like to just not refer to it.
- Okay.
- Only the first two rows can see them anyway.
- Yeah so with that, that's just because you
like wearing them?
- Well yeah, the show is called Home Bird and
it's about creating a sort of home environment,
and I thought, Oh, I'm just going to wear slippers on stage.
- You said there's just the first two rows that can
see your slippers?
Yeah. Pretty much.
- So they're the ones that leave and say
"She was wearing slippers and she farts like a docker".
(Sarah and audience laughing)
- Absolute. Not with those tablets though.
- Home Bird Live is out now. Sarah Millican's new DVD.
It's very funny. As indeed of course she is.
Sarah Millican ladies and gentleman.
- Thank You
- [Sarah] Hello, I'm Sarah Millican and thanks very much
for watching my videos.
I'm going on tour with a brand new show
called Bobby Dazzler.
For all the information about where I'm going and when,
go to sarahmillican.co.uk.
Thanks.