- Why can't all men be like Mr. Darcy?
Tell you why, because a woman wrote him.
- In 2000, in a movie that does not hold up,
Mel Gibson joined a long line of people
trying to figure out 'What Women Want.'
But what if we don't want to,
you know, electrocute ourselves in a bathtub
while wearing pantyhose and nail polish.
To find that out,
what if instead we could follow the trail
of very attractive breadcrumbs
that is the group of men we have come to call
our "Internet Boyfriends."
Could we finally figure out what women,
and by women, I mean, millennial women,
born between 1982 to 2000,
who hold the largest purchasing power of any generation.
Can we truly understand what these women want?
Because what they want,
what we want actually matters.
There are certain set of qualities
that make up your average internet boyfriend.
The qualities that women, those millennial women,
whose pocketbooks run the world,
are looking for in their IRL boyfriends
and therefore, men in general.
There are three basic categories,
the characters they play, their looks,
and their internet presence.
But before we dive into the why and the how,
let's take a quick look at the origins of the term.
In 2007, we have the first online mention
of the term internet boyfriend on Twitter.
But really more of a "You've Got Mail" sort of way
instead of the internet's boyfriend
that we're looking at here.
Then in 2011, Gawker used the term with Ryan Gosling.
In 2012, IndieWire does the same with Benedict Cumberbatch.
And in 2014,
Tom Hiddleston gets the first mention on Tumblr.
Then in 2016, the media really runs with it
and you could call it the Year of the Internet Boyfriend.
And the term has been a staple ever since.
Of course, men who have embodied
the feeling of the internet boyfriend have been around
long before the internet.
But no matter the medium
our meet cute with these men
is always in a very specific character.
Some of the best of them have been written by women
and molded by women.
No comment on Ryan Gosling never having worked
with a female director, come on, man.
Most internet boyfriends have been in a role
where we see them in a romantic relationship
or, you know, sometimes we make relationships romantic.
And within these storylines,
the traits that they have in common become very clear.
One, they're nice to women.
Let's look at Nick Miller.
Bolu Babalola, author and Rom-Comoisseur,
get it, rom-com,
talk about how Nick actually pursues friendship with Jess
outside of just wanting to bone her.
- When he's not dating Jess,
he's never being a good person to her
with the object of one day being with her, no.
He likes her fully as a person,
embraces her fully as a person
and wants to be with her 'cause he likes her as a person.
Nick Miller would be a really, really
good friend to hang out with.
And let's take a look at our beloved Captain America.
Okay, in the beginning,
Peggy Carter is in a senior position to him,
in the military, in the 1940s,
and he respects her.
He respects her position,
he respects her boundaries.
Sure, is that why it takes them forever to get together,
but he still respects her, the important part.
Another characteristic
is that they're unafraid to show their feelings
for people they care about, even if it's not easy.
Let's look at Sherlock.
Okay, when we meet him he's practically devoid of emotions.
That's like his thing, right?
But he consistently protects John,
including jumping off a roof
and faking his own death to save John's life.
You know he loves John, you've seen the GIFs
Back to Nick Miller.
He doesn't necessarily know how
to express his emotions for Schmidt,
but he knows he needs to.
"You give me cookie, I give you cookie."
- Gave me cookie, got you cookie!
You gave me cookie, I got you cookie, man!
- Finally, something connected to all of these examples
is that they're not afraid of growth.
In "Crazy, Stupid, Love,"
Ryan Gosling has a washboard set of abs
that seem humanly impossible.
- Seriously, it's like your photoshopped.
- He's also kind of a dick in the beginning,
but he becomes this caring,
in it for the long run boyfriend.
Sorry, just trying to imagine
Ryan Gosling holding me up over his head.
And to bring it back to the beginning of the video,
Mr. Growth himself, Mr. Darcy.
Yeah, it's hot that he's brooding,
but that's not sustainable.
In hindsight, it's great that he flexes his hand
after he touches Elizabeth,
but it's not until he expresses some emotions
and follows them up with actions that it's worth anything.
- You have bewitched me, body and soul.
- And sure, there are all the crazy conundrums
that women like as well,
strong but soft, funny but serious.
(chatters mockingly)
That's not being crazy,
that's called being a realistic human being.
Our Rom-Comoisseur Bolu,
takes that into account when writing her own material.
- Something that I've tried to cultivate
and create in my writing
is a male protagonist that isn't unrealistic.
He resents something that's aspirational
without being ridiculous.
We can meet somebody who elevates us,
somebody who sees us for who we are
and whose ego is not compromised
by the woman's brain
added with a woman's power, woman's agency.
So at this point you might be like,
"Yeah, yeah, personality, but what about looks?"
And yes, obviously these men
have a level of attractive good looks
that got them these blockbuster
Hollywood roles in the first place,
but they're not all, well.
"W Magazine" called Tom Hiddleston and Matt Smith,
"Slightly alien British character actors,"
in their roundup of internet boyfriends.
So maybe they're not all like top tier hots.
According to Psychologist Norman P Li,
in General Laws of Attraction,
as long as men reach a level of necessity attractiveness
our basic needs are met,
and then we can care about other characteristics.
So for example, while Armie Hammer
might be classically more attractive than Timothee Chalamet,
Timothee, Timatay, Timmy,
meets our basic needs for attraction.
and we like his personality better.
I mean, have you seen the shit Armie Hammer puts online?
(ominous shrieking)
So like in real life, looks are what get our attention,
but they're just a part of the icky sticky formula
that I'm pretty much laying out for you right now,
that leads to the love and infatuation.
Which brings me to my final point,
which has a bigger leap for IRL boyfriends,
but is an essential part of the internet boyfriend,
their internet presence.
It's easiest to illustrate this by looking
at a guy who had everything else going for him,
but he can't make this final part work.
I'm talking about Twitter's worst Chris,
Chris Pratt!
He has the looks.
He played Andy Dwyer, a character that grows,
expresses his feelings, respects women, and yet,
let's just say that his views
don't align with the internet's views,
and by internet,
I'm still talking about millennial women
who 70% are Democrat.
We just don't want your opinions Chris.
It's really easy to make missteps on the internet,
especially if you're a celebrity.
You can be too open, too closed,
too curated, not curated enough.
And that's why the men who are on
our internet boyfriend's list
are the few and far between who have found the magic sauce,
AKA good PR people.
Most of them have no social media or use it sparingly.
Their internet personalities are constructed
mostly by the internet themselves,
through GIFs, memes, Vines or paparazzi.
And in the moments that the coverage
may not be in their favor,
they address it perfectly and relateably.
And so, what do these internet boyfriend characteristics
really say about what women want?
Someone who responds perfectly to every criticism
is an incredibly hot and knows when to shut up?
No, that's not at all the point that I'm trying to make
in this video, you know that.
We want someone who likes and respects us.
Someone who wants to grow, not just for us,
but for themselves.
Someone who isn't afraid to show they care
about the people in their lives,
and someone who really we can relate to.
And we wanna be attracted to them.
Really these internet boyfriends
are creating an inspirational blueprint for men
because toxic masculinity is bad for all of us.
And if I wasn't clear enough about this up top,
millennial women hold the power with our pocketbooks.
So what we want is not something to be pushed aside.
So, is this interesting,
if you're a woman who's interested in these men?
Yes, but it's also a good educational watch
if you're interested in the women
who are interested in these men.
Prince Charming is not what he once was.
And maybe that's a good thing.