100 days of Donald Trump. Donald Trump:
Making George Bush look like a genius/
Remember George Bush? After 9/11
we needed him to be a genius.
Then eventually came Hurricane Katrina when
we all realized he was actually a
useless idiot.
With Donald Trump, The Useful Idiot,
there's still hope that
we'll have the Hurricane Katrina moment
before we have the 9/11.
In the meantime,
we take you to this Fake Trump press conference.
So there I was - in a sand trap
at mar-a-lago. Already I was over par.
Not Good.
And everybody around me they were
saying: 'you should use a wedge!' A wedge to
get out of a sand trap. But I said no!
'I'm the President." I used my 9-iron, and I
just, I just clobbered it.
Sand everywhere.
But it fell so perfectly on
the green. I ended up with a hole in one!
And that is why our aircraft carrier
went where it went,
instead of Korea. Next question!
Good point. We should
build a wall on the Canadian border.
Not to keep the Canadians out but to keep
the Democrats in, okay.
Because these
Democrats they keep saying 'You haven't
done anything in your first 100 days.'
I've done so much just take a look
Allowing coal mines to dump waste into streams.
No more reporting labor law violations.
And I sold your internet
browser history to the highest bidder on
the free market.
So good luck watching
porn from now on that we sold your
browser history. Safer is to have sex
with a real woman.
(Mike, that was his idea.)
Also to cut off funding for Planned
Parenthood. So you can't have safe sex
with a real woman, okay?
Makes perfect sense.
Next question!
Of course it's from FOX.
Every time I go to FOX,
I do an appearance... Someone at FOX
she's asking 'Oh, can you stroke my dirt-
filled fur?' Me and Bill O'Reilly.
And now, can you believe it, WE get in trouble.
They dumped him. So, no. I guess the answer is -
- now that Fox has become Lamestream News -
I guess it's no longer okay to grab
you by the dirt-filled fur, I'm sorry.
I like Sherlock. I like him. He is a 'highly-
-functioning sociopath' on the show.
I am also a sociopath. My official IQ:
I didn't like the new season - except for episode 2.
That spoke to me.
But I did like the end of
Season 3, because sometimes even a
mentally ill genius like Sherlock
gets outsmarted by the bad guy.
And then you have no choice,
but to shoot him in the head.
Which reminds me of my favorite
achievement in my first 100 days!
'Make it easier for the mentally ill to
buy guns.'
In closing, I want to stress
that I do not flip-flop. I keep my
promises. Construction on the wall is in
fact almost finished.
And by 'wall' I mean
the wall between myself and reality.
Look at my hands! They're always constructing
an imaginary wall. Because on my side of the wall,
it's not just alternative facts!
It's alternative reality. Everything is
great! Sun is always shining! And my
approval rating has never been better, on
this side of the wall. I can safely say
America is already great again!