STEVE (VO): Obviously, I love James.
But there are certain points in time where he is a bit...
much.
I have many things to be thankful for:
Great friends, a loving fiance, a filling job,
and two great mentally challenged dogs.
But if there's on thing that keeps me going...
It's Adderall.
And the only way to get it is through a psychiatrist.
Unfortunately, that means that means traveling underneath the creepiest parking structure ever
to get to a guy who is unfortunately a bit of a talker.
DR. PLIER: So, Steven...
I have been seeing you for about 3 years now, and we've made little to no progress.
It reminds of a story of this solider who bought a camo colored sleeping bag.
You see, he went to the sleeping bag store, he picked out his favorite one...
but when he got back to camp, he couldn't find it.
DR. PLIER: For it was camouflage.
Oooh.
STEVEN: Okay. Okay, I see, so it's...
It's like we're trying to explore my mind,
STEVEN: and somehow the solider and the sleeping bag, they all sort of relate
and it's trying to go deeper... deeper within me.
No.
Nope.
No, this is sad story of a soldier who bought a camo colored sleeping bag.
PLIER: How does that make you feel?
I'd say apathetic
STEVE: Mostly, I don't know the solider, so I can't really relate to him.
And I'd also say, y'know, if you lose your sleeping bag, easily just buy another.
STEVE: Well, why not? I mean... I have eight, eight or nine sleeping bags 'cause--
Simply because I-- I don't want to sleep in the same ones that I've peed in.
STEVE (VO): You know, I have to admit,
every so often my doctor does manage to have, I guess, a breakthrough.
STEVE: ...and I just kept rolling and rolling and...
...sparks and metal just...
STEVE: ...flying through the air.
And then everything was quiet.
Oh, that must have been traumatic.
But you were okay?
Yeah, I was fine.
But Santa's sleigh was completely fucked.
STEVE (VO): Just kidding! No one breaks my mind vice.
I was actually giving him the plot outline for a Christmas horror story.
STEVE: Each reindeer more dead than the last and...
Santa was comatose.
I knew he would never let me ride his sleigh again.
STEVE (VO): That's gotta be so frustrating.
Listening to me for an hour, thinking that we were gonna solve some mental crisis,
but, in reality, it was just a pitch for a movie.
PLIER: I think you've got something there, though.
Christmas horror movies are really in right now.
STEVE: Really! You think?
Yeah.
STEVE: Well how about that! Holy shit!
I'll tell ya who's gonna be the most upset about that...
Uhh, who?
Mummies.
Okay.
Because mummies...
in traditional Egyptian...
Culture...
They're covered in--
(simultaneous) wrapping.
Yeah.
And in a Christmas horror movie...
You would have...
(Simultaneous) mummies.
Right.
PLIER: And they would have to wrap...
STEVE: Okay...
themselves...
on another day that they wouldn't want to.
PLIER: So mummies in a Christmas horror movie...
PLIER: would have to do more wrapping than they would if they were not on Christmas.
Uh huh.
(Laughing)
Ha, I have gone and done it again!
(Laughing)
But in all honesty, Steven...
I think I know what your biggest problem is.
PLIER: It makes you weak at the worst of times, keeps you safe and keeps you fine...
PLIER: makes your hands sweat and your heart grow cold...
it visits you when you're weak, but never when you're bold.
I...
I don't--
Your fears.
Yes?
Cool!
That is all the time, uh, for today, I'm pretty sure.
Wow, you really know how to wreck me!
(Laughing)
My pleasure!
STEVE: Thanks so much.
You're welcome.
STEVE: Okay, same for next week?
Of course!
STEVE: Great, great, great.
Great.
Oh, Steven!
Yeah?
PLIER: When is a door not a door?
Uhhh, God I don't know...
PLIER: When it is ajar!
(Laughing)
PLIER: Now please return the door to it's natural state.
Of course, yeah, will do...
Oh, can I get a refill on my adderall?
PLIER: Naturally.
Yes!
Oh no dude!