Hi!
I'm Kristen Bell.
And you see this?
What?
I baked a baby in that oven.
And not just one baby, but two babies.
You know what I'm saying?
And if that doesn't give me street cred,
I don't know what does.
Except maybe hanging out with Jen Garner!
Hi!
Hi, Jen!
Say hello to our friends.
Hi, Kristen's friends!
And guess what?
Jen baked a couple babies in this oven!
Yeah!
Three of them!
You know it.
That's what I'm saying!
So today, we're going to answer some questions
from other new mamas, since together we baked five kids.
Five.
And just to clarify, we're moms.
We're not serial killers.
Right.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
(SINGING) To all you moms out there, we be doing it right.
OK.
Let's meet our mamas.
Um, I am Emilie, and I am five months pregnant.
I'm Deanna.
And I have a three-- almost three-month-old at home.
Ooh.
Oh my gosh
Yes.
OK.
That's real.
And I'm Megan.
I have two kids, a four-year-old and a three-year-old.
And Jen, how old are your kids?
I have 13- and 10-year-old daughters and a 7-year-old son.
Does it get easier?
Look, I'm not wiping anyone anymore.
And I'm not, you know, I'm not up--
it's not like that.
But then emotionally it's more and more complicated.
In a great way.
Right.
My kids are currently four and six.
And let me tell you something, they can be real [BLEEP]..
[LAUGHTER]
For real.
So we're here to talk about all the wonderful things
when we're living in Mamaville.
Which is different from Margaritaville.
But we will want to visit Margaritaville.
They're next door.
They're right next door.
So since pregnancy is the first step, let's start with Emilie.
I mean, how are you feeling?
Feeling pretty good.
Starting to get a little bit nervous about labor, though.
I think it is the most romantic day you'll ever experience.
You're a better person than I am.
Because I was going to say it's going to look like a homicide.
[LAUGHTER] Yeah.
That is absolutely true.
There is way more blood than you think there should be.
My best advice-- and I even brought an example,
because I knew you were pregnant-- was
make a birth plan.
Sure.
Put a lot of thought into it, take
a deep breath, and then just--
[PAPER RIPPING]
--because it's never going to happen like that.
And so get rid of it.
And that is kind of what labor is like.
Yeah.
It is.
Then there are some facts.
Like, your water will break.
My water broke.
And I was standing in the bathroom, my first child.
And I was like, honey, my water broke.
I'm so excited.
Let's call the doctor.
She gets me on the examination table.
And she goes, huh.
So you said your water broke?
And I said, yeah, definitely.
It was a big splash on my bathroom floor.
And she goes, OK.
Your water didn't break.
But it's quite possible that you peed your pants.
Did you pee your pants?
100%.
Funny.
So let's play a game called "Did My Water Break,
or Did I Pee My Pants?"
[LAUGHTER]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
I think I have--
I always have-- I always.
Yeah.
These are-- Can you grab his attention real quick?
Sure.
Just ask him if he can fill those up.
Hi.
Could you please fill these up with water?
Yes.
What are they?
I'm pretty sure you know what they are.
I'll be right back.
Thank you.
Him acting all naive.
[LAUGHTER]
"What are these?"
Yeah, right.
Oh, yes.
Here's your bucket full of condoms.
Thank you so--
Is there anything else I can get for you?
No.
This is great for now.
Whoa.
Never seen them like that.
So what we're going to do.
We're going to stand up, put them between our knees,
and we're going to have a race.
Let's do it.
Come on.
Let's do it.
[DRUM ROLL]
On your mark, get set, go.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
No!
Oh, no!
[LAUGHTER]
[SLOW MOTION MUSIC PLAYING]
Yours didn't break!
Mine broke.
Here, catch!
Oh!
Did anybody make it?
Nope.
Jen did.
She's got three kids.
That's why she's the mom-beast.
[APPLAUSE]
OK.
Deanna, you have an almost three-month-old.
Yes.
I'm on maternity leave.
And I'm just trying to figure out
how I get back to feeling like Deanna, the person,
instead of Deanna with the newborn.
So when does it get better?
When do you start to feel like yourself again?
It's not-- the answer is never.
You're not going to.
Because you're a different self.
And it's important to talk to others.
Momming is hard.
But it's worth it.
It is.
So it's totally embarrassing.
When I'm out, and my two kids throw tantrums,
what can I do to help it?
Have you tried calling them by their full name?
Because that's how I knew I was in trouble.
Doesn't work.
OK.
You have to just be like, can you believe this little [BLEEP]
is having a tantrum?
That's-- I would say that that is the mindset.
But, I mean, how bad are they?
Like, what do your child's tantrums look like?
Well, it's-- they're pretty bad.
They're 11 months apart.
[RECORD SCRATCHING]
So--
Whoa!
Megan, give me those condoms back!
I take the advice of my husband a lot,
because he says, sometimes when they're having a tantrum,
treat them like the hot girl in high school.
Just ignore them and then they'll come to you.
And I thought that was so silly when he said it.
And then it actually works.
They do like to get you worked up.
Yes.
Totally.
And then they win.
Yeah.
And all I want to do is win.
Don't let them win.
Do not let them win.
Don't let them win.
Don't.
Like-- here, watch this.
I'm going to--
Jen, I'm going to try to get this sugar packet from you.
OK.
I'm going to try to get you to give it to me.
This-- you can't-- this is--
But I want it.
This is--
But I want it.
--Jen's sugar.
Jen, I want it.
No, no, no.
Jen, you can help me.
Just give me one.
I wish I could.
Give me just half.
Give it to me.
It sounds like you really want it.
I really want it.
You have really big feelings about this sugar packet.
I do!
[FRUSTRATED GROWLING]
But I wish I could give it to you.
That would feel so good for both of us.
But I can't.
See, I really felt like she understood where I was coming
from, but also stayed strong.
That was good.
Totally.
[APPLAUSE]
Every phase of motherhood is its own beautiful, magical,
mysterious kind of hell.
Is hell too strong of a word?
It's accurate.
OK.
At the same time, every phase of motherhood
is its own beautiful, mysterious, magical kind
of heaven.
Preach!
And mamas, when you are feeling overwhelmed,
just remember, you are not doing it alone.
Women have been doing this for centuries.
And some of them even did it without wine.
Wow.
Respect.
Yeah.
Big time.
[MUSIC PLAYING]