- If the guy you're seeing isn't hitting the mark with you
maybe he's not pursuing you as much as you would like.
He's not calling you as much as you would like.
He's not spending time with you as often as you would like
or maybe the other end of the spectrum.
Maybe he's coming on too strong
and you want him to slow things down.
Today I'm gonna give you a really powerful thing
that you can do and a mistake to avoid
that I see all too often, over the past decade
I've had the privilege of literally working with women all
over the world in my Manifest Your Man program.
And this question comes up a lot because in relationships
you know, we're trying to find our way and
and often there's expectations that aren't being met
or desires that aren't being met in the dating process.
And so how do you bring that up in a way that draws the two
of you together and for you to get what it is
that you would love in this connection?
One of my clients recently, we'll call her, Michelle
was talking about this guy that they've been dating
for a couple of months.
They've maybe gone out six, seven times and she was like.
"I really just want him to invest more in the relationship."
And so this is what she wanted.
She wanted him to invest more.
So how does she get that result?
Well, I asked her a couple questions and
the first question I asked her was,
"Okay, what does that look like?"
And she goes, "What do you mean what does that look like?
I want him to put more energy into the relationship."
And I said, "All right, if he was putting more energy
into the relationship, what would he be doing more of?"
And she said, "Well, he'd be calling me more
he'd be taking me out more".
And I said, "Okay, how much more would he be taking you out?
How often would you guys hang out?"
And she was like, "I don't know".
And I said, "Well, let me ask you this.
Would you wanna see him every day?"
And she was like, "Oh God, no.
Like every day, like way too much."
And I said, "Alright, you wanna see him once a week?"
And she was like, "Twice a week
I wanna see him twice a week."
I was like, "Ah".
So here's the point.
The mistake that so many of us make
in this moment is we make vague requests
that we have a feeling
that we want more of something, but it's not specific.
We don't even, we ask for it
but we're not specific with it.
I want you to invest more in the relationship.
In his mind he's thinking, what does that look like?
And how do I know when I'm gonna hit the mark
because it's important to recognize that men
especially healthy masculine men
we want to achieve the goal.
We want to deliver you happiness.
But if it's this open-ended thing where we have
no idea how much or how little actually hits the mark
then we're way less likely to actually make the attempt.
Because the other thing that's going
on is your man doesn't want to scare you away.
The guy you're dating doesn't wanna turn you off
or feel like he's smothering you.
And so he's trying to guess what is it that you want?
Where is that line?
So avoid the mistake of making vague requests where you say
"I want you to invest more in the relationship"
or "I want you to call me more, spend more time with me".
'Cause we don't know what more is.
How do you know when you hit the mark?
Clarity is king or queen in this example.
So here's the practice.
Be willing to make a clear request
and make that request early in the process
and don't stack the past where you bring up all the ways
in which he isn't living into this request.
Because then it's just gonna feel like criticism.
Then it's gonna feel like he's failing in this way
and you really want him to fix the ways
in which he's not doing a good job.
That's gonna cause him to feel like he's not measuring
up for you, that you're not happy
with the way that he's been showing up.
And while there's a part
of you that's not happy because you would love more
there's a part of you that's happy with what he is doing
which is why you're still in the relationship.
So the best kind of request is where you focus
on what you love and ask for more of that
but in a clear way where you say this,
"Hey I love it when we spend time together
and I can really feel that there's a part
of me that's been wanting to
instead of seeing you like every other week
I really would love us to hang out once or twice a week.
Would you be willing to make that happen for me?"
How does he know when he hits the mark?
Oh, she asked for once or twice a week.
If I'm hanging out
with her once or twice a week, maybe the guy's really busy.
Maybe he's gonna have to make a herculean effort right now
with what's going on in his life
with his kids and his job and his side job
and the coaching he's doing, to make that happen.
But he knows that if he can make that happen
then he's living in
to the relationship that you want because ultimately he's
in that relationship 'cause he wants to grow it.
You matter to him.
He wants to pour into you.
And so knowing where he's hitting the mark
with you helps him know what that great relationship
with you looks like.
And that's exactly what this woman did.
And a couple weeks later she got back on the line.
'cause this guy was a pilot.
He flies all over the country.
He's not in town very often
so it's tough for him to hang out every single week.
So they had seen each other I think like twice a month
and she wanted once a week or twice a week.
So she called them up and she said,
"Hey you know what, my best weeks are when you
and I are hanging out and spending time together.
I love the time we spend together
and I've been kind of aching 'cause we haven't
been able to see each other as much as I would love.
And I would love it if there was any way that you
and I could see each other once or even twice a week.
Do you think there's a possibility
that you could make that happen?"
What did she do right there?
She gave him a challenge.
She gave him a mission
she gave him this is what his woman would want.
And guess what he did?
He went to work on that and he goes,
"Alright lemme see what I can do".
He changed his schedule around, he changed his work around.
So now he's taken her out
twice a week 'cause she matters to him.
Fascinating, right?
Fascinating that something that's as simple as
like this vague response and just dialing it
into more clarity has that powerful
of an effect for your man.
So the question is, when you say you want more of something
more cleanliness, more attention, more listening
or whatever, what does that actually look like?
And how does he know when he's hit the mark?
If you can figure that out, then you have a pathway right
to his heart and to creating the relationship that you want.
So if you would love deeper work in this way
if you would love more skill sets, if you
would love to have everything required, mindset, heartset
skillset to manifest the relationship that you would love
I invite you to click the link below.
Because every month we open
up the opportunity for a small group
of women to take the Manifest Your Man course
and attract not only the relationship that they would love
but turn that into the life that they would love.
So if that's you, click the link, check out that program.
I think it could be the thing that changes your
life forever, and I would love to work with you
and help you create that relationship that you would love.
I appreciate you.
Thanks for watching.
I'll see you soon.
(upbeat music)