NOW, IF TRUMP'S DEFENSE SEEMS SCATTER SHOT AND CHAOTIC, IT'S
BECAUSE IT IS.
THE WHITE HOUSE HASN'T DEVELOPED A UNIFIED STRATEGY YET.
INSTEAD, TRUMP IS TESTING OUT DIFFERENT WAYS TO PUSH BACK TO
SEE WHAT WORKS.
AS ONE WHITE HOUSE INSIDER PUTS IT, "THERE ARE DIFFERENT
WAYS TO BAKE THE CAKE, DEPENDING ON WHAT SORT OF CAKE YOU WANT.
DIFFERENT FLAVORING, DIFFERENT TEMPERATURES, DIFFERENT
INGREDIENTS YIELD DIFFERENT TYPES OF CAKE, AND THE PRESIDENT
AS THE MASTER BAKER IS TESTING RECIPES AND DECIDING WHAT TYPE
OF CAKE HE WANTS."
YES, TRUMP IS HOLED UP IN THE WHITE HOUSE, FURIOUSLY MASTER
BAKING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS.
I THINK THAT'S WHAT "EXECUTIVE TIME" IS, JUST TRUMP ALONE IN
THE ROOM WHIPPING THE BATTER AND SOMEHOW MAKING FROSTING AT THE
SAME TIME.
>> Audience: OOOOOH!
>> Stephen: WELL... I LIKED IT.
( LAUGHTER )
TRUMP'S IMPEACHMENT STRATEGY, BECAUSE CAKE ISN'T THE KIND OF
THING YOU CAN IMPROVISE.
WHEN YOU MAKE A CAKE, YOU NEED A VERY SPECIFIC PLAN.
THAT'S WHY THE BACK OF THE BETTY CROCKER BOX DOESN'T SAY, "STEP
ONE: HEAT OVEN TO, I DON'T KNOW, 200 MAYBE?
STEP TWO: MIX EGGS, AND I THINK, POWDER.
IS THIS WHERE THE SPRINKLES GO?
DEFINITELY BAKING SODA.
WE'RE BAKING.
STEP THREE: COOK UNTIL CAKE."
SO--
MMMM!
>> Jon: GIVE ME THAT CAKE!
THAT OLD BETTY CROCKER.
>> Stephen: SO, TRUMP IS STRUGGLING TO FIND A COHERENT
DEFENSE AGAINST HIS IMPEACHMENT.
BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, SO IS EVERY OTHER REPUBLICAN.
TAKE FLORIDA SENATOR AND HYPNOTIZED COBRA, RICK SCOTT.
( LAUGHTER )
ABOUT THE UKRAINE CALL, HE ANSWERED, "WHAT I SAW, HE ASKED
HIM TO LOOK INTO SOMETHING.
BUT I-- I'M NEW."
REALLY?
YOU WERE THE GOVERNOR OF FLORIDA.
I'M NEW?
SO THIS IS HOW THE G.O.P. IS GOING TO RESPOND NOW?
"I'M NEW.
JUST A WIDDLE BABY.
I DON'T HAVE OBJECT PERMANENCE YET,
THAT'S WHY WHEN THE CONSTITUTION ROLLS BEHIND THE COUCH, WE NO
LONGER HAVE CIVIL RIGHTS.
GOO-GOO-- AND I WANT TO SAY THIS CLEARLY-- GA-GA."
( LAUGHTER )
ARE FEIGNING IGNORANCE.
SOME ARE SINCERELY IGNORANT, LIKE "FOX & FRIEND," AINSLEY
EARHARDT: >> I THINK IT GETS TOO MUCH IN
THE WEEDS.
FIRST, THEY'RE GOING AFTER THE PRESIDENT WITH IMPEACHMENT.
THEN THEY ARE GOING AFTER RUDY GIULIANI.
NOW IT'S BILL BARR.
AND AMERICANS ARE SAYING, "WHAT?
HOW ARE THEY ALL CONNECTED?
CONNECT THE DOTS FOR US.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
IT'S JUST SO MUCH INFORMATION."
>> Stephen: AINSLEY'S RIGHT.
( LAUGHTER )
HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER UP TO THREE PEOPLE?
( LAUGHTER )
CONFUSING.
I MEAN, THAT'S--
MARCO!
LOOK, IT IS A LOT OF INFORMATION, SO I'LL CONNECT THE
DOTS FOR HER IN MY NEW SEGMENT: "THE LATE SHOW'S EXPLAINSLEY TO
AINSLEY:" >> IT'S JUST SO MUCH
INFORMATION.
>> Stephen: OKAY, AINSLEY, YOU MIGHT WANT TO PUSH "RECORD"
BECAUSE THERE ARE A LOT OF MOVING PARTS TO THIS.
OKAY, HERE WE GO.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
IF YOU WANT TO CONNECT THE DOTS OF THE ABUSE OF POWER AT THE
HEART OF THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION, IT'S VERY
COMPLICATED.
TRUMP ASKED FOR DIRT ON BIDEN FROM THE UKRAINE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
UNTIL IT SINKS IN.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
WHEN WE RETURN, RACHEL MADDOW IS HERE.
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