Today we let animals lick our faces.
Let's talk about that.
( music playing )
Good Mythical morning!
Mythical beasts, today we'll spending way too much money
making a Chick-fil-A sandwich
when we do another installment of fancy fast food.
And we'll be tasting discontinued cereals
and deciding which should be undiscontinued.
But first, can we tell which animals are licking us?
It's time for...
Rhett and I are gonna take turns becoming human lollipops
by putting our heads in the lollipop hole
and then animals of unknown sizes and genuses
are gonna be brought in to lick our faces.
We have four lifelines.
We have...
- Gosh. - We can do all those things to these animals.
Whoo!
But you can only do them once!
If somebody uses that lifeline it cannot be used again.
We each get two of those.
Of course the loser has to lick a salt lick.
That's them things that horses lick.
I'll go first.
Okay, they've put nose plugs on me
and some sort of bait on my face.
So, I don't know, apparently this animal will want
to lick what's smeared on my left cheek.
Let's bring this animal in.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. - Okay.
Okay, don't want you to get any sound clues,
but okay, so here we go.
- ( man clicking tongue ) - Uh-huh.
Okay.
I hear some clicking.
( smacking lips )
Uh, animal doesn't seem to be in control.
It makes me a little nervous.
Oh.
Ooh! That's rough.
Ooh, that is a--
Ooh, girl, boy, whatever you are.
Ooh, that's a big face that was on my--
( laughs )
- I'm scared. - Okay.
I think that's all that it wants to do.
The tongue of that thing is huge!
And rough as--
as the most rough sand paper.
Do you have a guess?
I've never touched the tongue of something that rough.
Except in seventh grade.
Um...
I'm gonna guess a cow?
All right, Link, remove your blindfold.
Oh, crap! It is a cow.
- It's Ashley! - Hello.
Oh, hold still right there.
I said her name and she let something fall out of her butt.
- Ready to get licked? - Yep.
- My face is baited. - Okay.
Bring in the unknown genus.
Oh. Uh-oh.
- Holy! - ( pig snorting )
Oh.
( pig squealing )
Oh, no! No!
Oh, no, put your head back in there.
You might be getting some hints.
I don't know.
- ( pig grunts ) - ( Rhett groans )
Link: Come on.
Don't be shy, Rhett.
I heard about these things
disposing of bodies before.
Don't be afraid, Rhett.
Oh, gosh! No!
No!
- I'm sorry. - I'll put it to you this way--
I know what it is, man!
It's a pig! Gosh!
- Of course it's a pig! - Okay, you're right.
- Mary gave you a few hints, - Hey, pig!
but I will give you the point.
All right, Link, we got another animal for ya.
This is a traumatizing position.
- Let's bring it in. - Oh, goodness!
- ( Rhett humming ) - Okay.
Give me a lick.
( sighs )
Oh. Oh.
Oh! Oh! There we go.
Now those lips were hairy.
You got a guess?
You wanna use one of your lifelines maybe?
As crazy as this sounds,
I think I'm gonna lick it.
- Okay. - Oh gosh, why'd I--
- Okay. - Why did I say that out loud?
Okay, Link, protrude your tongue.
( laughs ) Oh!
- What was that? - Hmm.
Get a little bit more. Get a little bit more.
( laughs ) Oh, gosh.
Who am I?
Did that give you any clues?
Again I'm back in seventh grade.
Oh man, this thing sounds huge and it's very hairy.
What was that?
It was more of the thing.
It's kinda kissing you now.
- I don't know. - Which I would've thought that you would've really enjoyed.
- You thought I would enjoy it? - Yeah.
- Is this a dog? - Is that your guess?
No, it's too hairy and it was too lippy.
I'm gonna-- I was thinking a camel.
Uh... is it a camel?
Link, take off your blindfold.
- Oh! - It's a miniature horse!
- It is! - Thunder.
It is a camel.
This is what I call camel.
You got to lick your favorite animal.
Hello! It's a miniature horse!
Hello! We Frenched.
Okay, Rhett, you ready for another licking?
Not really, but, uh,
I'm here for whatever.
( singing ) Bring it in. Bring it in. Bring it in.
( humming )
All right. Looking hungry.
Why is there so much noise?
Lick it.
( man smacking lips )
( Rhett panting )
This tongue moves so fast.
What in the world-- Is it an alien?
Not a bad guess. Do you wanna use a lifeline?
Uh, yeah.
Okay, I wanna-- I wanna sniff it.
All right, I'll remove your plugs here.
- Okay. - No, that's my--
that's my-- that's my eyes.
Okay. Here we go.
Just removed the plug.
- Sniff it. - Oh!
Oh!
Oh! Oh!
Oh, man.
That is a, uh-- that's a sheep or a goat.
- Oh-- - Need your final answer.
How do I separate the sheep from the goats in my mind?
Golly! The tongue moved so fast.
Which has a faster tongue, a sheep or a goat?
Sheep. I'm going with sheep.
Pull off your mask, Rhett.
Yes!
No, that's a goat!
This is an angora goat.
Oh look, but it's a lot like a sheep.
I mean, that's a pretty sheepy goat if I've ever seen one.
That's the sheepiest goat I've ever seen.
No point for you.
Okay, Link, we don't have anything on your face this round
because we've been told that this animal
just likes to lick faces.
Let's bring him in.
Okay.
Oh. Oh.
( gasps ) What?
It's small.
What is that?
Oh, my ear!
I just got a wet willy.
Are you freaking out or do you think it's cute?
It's so cute!
- I'm kinda freaking out. Okay. - It's so cute.
Okay, it's cute. Good.
- Oh, freaking out. - You wanna use a lifeline?
'Cause I think that's pretty much what it's gonna be.
- Is it cute? - Super cute!
'Cause I don't wanna kiss it if it's not cute.
- I won't kiss-- - I don't think
you'll regret kissing this.
Did y'all bring my wife in here?
Yeah, your wife is just licking you with her little tongue.
I'm gonna kiss.
Did that feel like Christy?
It felt like a freaking reptile!
Was that a freaking-- Did you just make me kiss
a freaking reptile?
'Cause I'm gonna kill you...
- I didn't make you do anything. - ...if that is a reptile.
It feels cold-blooded.
There was no fur, there was no skin, there was just--
It was like cold skin, man. There was no fur.
Okay, well what's your freaking guess then, man?
Oh, gosh.
You gotta be specific.
But it had a big tongue.
Let it kiss me again.
Not kiss me.
Let it-- let it lick me.
Let it lick me.
Okay, whatever.
Oh, gosh!
( sighs )
Is it an iguana?
Link, why don't you take a look.
( gasps ) What the freaking crap?
What is that?
It's a red tegu.
- Are you-- - Specifically Sweet Cheeks.
Are you serious that I put my lips on that?
But you know what? I mean, it is a big lizard--
- It's not cute! - I feel like I should give you the point for iguana.
- It is kinda-- - I'm gonna give you a half point.
A half a point? I made out with it!
- Okay, a full point. - All right!
You wanna make out with it some more?
'Cause he was really into it.
He's been smiling the whole time.
The smile is pretty cute.
He's like, "Yeah, I kissed a human."
I cannot believe I did that.
Yeah, I licked and kissed a human.
That's what I did today.
Okay, Rhett, the only thing I've been told is don't scream.
Oh, no.
Whatever you do, don't scream.
You don't wanna rile it up.
- Gosh, what? - Good.
What?
Oh, shoot.
( monkey chittering )
- ( Rhett gasps ) - Get a little licky licky.
Get a little licky licky.
Little looky looky then some licky licky.
( Rhett panting )
( Rhett whimpers )
Little nibble nibble.
Oh!
What do you-- what did you sense?
It was so nice.
It was the nicest thing I've ever experienced.
What is--
It was so soft and supple.
Oh. Oh, gosh.
It's making strange noises.
( monkey chittering )
Link: Oh, yeah, coming back for more.
( gasping )
All right, we need your guess, Rhett.
I am in the lead.
You can tie it with the correct guess.
Now, Rhett, as you're deliberating I'll just say,
you can't use the pet lifeline on this one,
because the petting just couldn't be proper.
The petting can't be proper?
Yeah, it's very important that you pet
this thing properly and you can't do that with a blindfold,
so you do not have any lifelines.
Oh, my goodness!
I think I know what it is.
What are you thinking that makes you think you know what it is?
It's gotta be a porcupine
because that way they'll be-- somebody would have to hold it
and I wouldn't be able to pet it.
I'm saying porcupine.
I think I just got kissed by a porcupine.
Okay, remove the-- remove the blindfold.
- It's a freaking monkey! - Yeah.
- Now what kinda monkey is this? - Capuchin monkey.
This is a Capuchin monkey.
And he's smarter than both of us combined.
- Oh, my gosh! - Look at that.
( sighs )
Stand up, Rhett.
Look!
It's a Capuchin monkey on a lollipop!
My dreams are coming true!
Oh, can I? Can I? Can I? Can I?
Can-- Can the monkey--
- Oh! - Oh gosh.
Now, Rhett, I won.
So you have to lick the salt lick.
There you go.
Yummy.
Oh yeah, it's a monkey
on a lollipop on my shoulders.
Salty!
( groans )
Keep watching to see us make a ridiculously expensive version
of the original Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich
and fancy fast food.
More salt.
Hey! Hi!
Good to meet-- Oh! Oh!
You gonna gnaw on my finger?
We have a podcast called "Ear Biscuits"
and you can listen to the latest episode
wherever you get your podcasts.
Do it!