- Oh this looks like a good spot.
Okay let's do this.
Okay now kids put on your sun-screen,
put on your sun-screen.
Okay -- here we are!
- Today we are trying on some sexy swim-wear.
- We have collected some of the most bizarre --
- Oh look. There's a pool.
- Raunchy...
- Ooh, right up my butt.
- --and honestly just weird swimsuits.
- You guys wanna go tanning?
- We're gonna put 'em on our bodies
and feel good about it.
Oh gosh, I left your goggles in the Hampton Inn
okay, I'll go back.
- Agh... (laughs)
Oh god.
(upbeat intro music)
- Look miss, here!
- I am a little high.
I have severe insomnia and I took a nap before this
and I thought I took these melatonin gummies
but I think they were weed gummies, so.
(magical zapping noises)
Oh my god. Wait. Hey wait it's like a little person.
(laughs) Oh yeah.
I've always said, we don't get enough high Eugene
because Zack and Keith always want to be high
and then I have to get drunk
and I'm kinda over-- I'm kinda over that, honestly
I'm a little over it.
Oh man, his name's Greg.
Greg had a little too much to drink.
Because being drunk makes you sad.
And the world is sad.
You know what I mean?
Hello?
Ummm.
- [VOICE] Are you looking at the boom?
- I forgot it was there! (laughs)
- [Keith] I call it a bathing suit,
but you don't bathe in it.
- Oh f*** yeah!
- Oh-ho it's a sloth!
- This one is appropriately tasteful, ironic comedy
in a swim-suit.
- A sloth riding a T-rex shooting lazers out of it's eyes?
Who is she because I'm taking her home!
- All it really needs is a couple of cats flying in the air.
- Do I look like a wrestler?
A little bit. It's a little bit of a unitard, wrestler look
like, if I was a stoner wrestler character?
- It says like, I'm at the pool but
I'm just here to have fun!
- When I come out on the screen --
Oh my name would just be "420"
- This is historically inaccurate.
- These like, unitards are popular, like, female
apparel right? Where they just basically wear this?
You can see me in a Walmart like this, right?
What if I'm just like waiting in the 7/11 behind you.
(upbeat music)
- [Eugene] You know that kind of cool, doily style?
Very grandma's doily.
- My -- my toe is -- shoot --
my toes got stuck I the croquet.
- (in a sing-song voice) fitting things that Zack fit into!
- Focus! Balance! Balance!
- You know when Forrest Gump, when Jenny
becomes like a hippie and starts doing drugs
I feel like this is what she would've worn.
- I got to get it up to my belly-button.
- You could put um, cups on me.
Because I'm a doily.
- You know what I need.
I need a big hat. I need like a giant hat for this one.
- I feel like my stomach is wearing a glove, like
a fingerless glove.
- I don't think we're gonna go to Coachella this year,
because of like Corona virus or whatever, but...
- Okay guys? Guys. I look great.
I look so good.
And look at this. I can shimmy.
(jazzy piano music)
- I mean these are what I used to have on my
front room table to protect the nice wood
and I left my tamagachi on it.
- Why a hole for my belly button?
This is not something that I'm trying to accent?
Do we still give outies to people?
Or is that a mistake that we cleared up in the 90's.
- Let me tell you this.
You can have a pool party at your house.
Get in your bathtub, pop a little bottle of wine,
watch Grey's Anatomy like Miles.
- [Rachel] I would say I've gotten into bath-tubs
with my girlfriends far more than my boyfriend or husband.
- Oh and with your daughters!
Do you ever just look at them and think, wow.
(beautiful harp music)
I am a God.
- [Rachel] Eh, not God, but ...
Still wow.
- [Eugene] That's why women are Gods.
Your conception of God doesn't compare.
Because has god, actually made a baby
in front of you?
No.
- Oh yeah sexy red little number!
Lotta little ringlets.
- This is a nice one-piece but it's so --
oh no (laughs)
each of these loops is catching my dick (laughs)
- Yeah it kinda does look like I have little boobs!
I mean I do have little boobs, little bit.
- The tan line would make me look like
I have a 20 pack.
- Oww (laughs)
Ow ow ow.
So what you're saying is, it doubles
as a strapless swimsuit?
- I'd wear this to a sonic convention.
So that he can collect all these rings.
- This is cute though!
How about this!
Can you imagine me taking a cute instagram
photo at palm springs?
- [Eugene] Sonic the hedgehog!
Have you not watched the movie-movie?
It's mainly because I really like Jim Carrey.
And I really really like James Marsden.
(whistles)
Both for very different reasons.
- I feel like I look Iron Man right now.
I mean, like, right?
Like I look like a f***able Iron Man.
(sexy pop music)
- But it's not about this anymore on Instagram,
it's all about the butt.
- I will say, what's going on with this little guy?
I have a tiny boner at my belly button.
Hi guys. My name is Debra, but I go by Deb-or-uh.
- What's over there?
And then there's also the, oh --
- [VOICE] Oh my god...
- Right though?
You know what I'm talking about!
- [VOICE] Oh that's good.
- Oh look! There's a pool!
Ah...
(laughs) oh god.
Fill me up with water.
- Everybody only takes pictures of like
only them being like, oh my ass!?
- Boop!
Boop!
This is how I like to enjoy myself.
I can clap with my little lobster feet.
I'm very talented.
- Oooh!
- Cut to Zack saying, huh?
- No.. no no no no no no no no no no!
- This is marketed towards, women?
- I don't think that this is enough to cover up a vagina!
- Well this is just really splittin' the beans.
- Some people have vaginas that are bigger than this!
- This ones much more appropriate to be a face-mask.
- I feel like, again, the tan lines
would be just kind of all over the place here.
- Yeah. Right?
- I don't even think we can --
- [VOICE] You got to have bigger boobs.
- Yeah miles, I know I need bigger boobs.
- I'm a little bigger chested than Zack,
so I'm hoping I can fill a little bit of this out
without the mugs.
- Check out my mugs!
(mugs clacking)
(laughs)
- Oh this is so much fun!
Oh, I love the tea.
Get your tea now at zadico.com! (laughs)
- Oh it got like saliva on it
from when it was on my face (laughs)
Gross!
Bam!
- [Eugene] This feels kind of like, I'm also a
cartoon character.
What would he name be?
Bubblegum. Best friends with Greg.
Miles can you provide a voice for Greg?
- [Miles As Greg] Hey! How's it going everybody?
- Pretty good Greg, how are you doing?
- [Miles As Greg] Doin' allriiiiight, Eugene!
- Here the joke about how wines made, greg?
- [Miles As Greg] How's wine made?
- They crush you and your family.
(sounds of absolute despair and horror)
- This ones just in poor taste...
- [Keith] Oh Jesus!
- This one is, oh boy.
- Oh you made Zack's body into a swimsuit?
- My time to shine!
- What do you call that? The lower back
patch of hair some men have?
- Oh my god look at how horrifying it is
as it slides up my body.
- [Rachel] Is it like a tramp stamp?
- Yeah it's literally like a hair tramp stamp.
- [Rachel] THE CRACK TRACK.
- Crack. Track!
- It kind of looks like an octopus,
against the ocean floor?
- [Rachel] It looks just like that.
- Eww!
Eww!
Eww, well.
Zack has bigger nipples though.
- Eww these nipples are very dark and shiny.
- Oh don't put that in there he'll be
so self-conscious.
- Also are these nipples?
They look like owl eyes.
- Strong padding I mean look at my little boobies.
- You know I'm a little disappointed in the quality.
I don't know what it looks like on camera,
but this is pixelated chest hair.
Really low-resolution.
- So this is supposed to be a man's body
created for a woman to wear.
Oh, but there's no dick?
- Terrible quality.
I think that my chest is better looking than this one.
- (laughs) If you're going to wear this,
and your goal is to make people feel uncomfortable,
you gotta lean in, baby.
- Oh me? I'm having a ball.
- You gotta be the person who's like laying
like this, and as people walk by you go,
(yells)
- Hey.
(laughs)
- [Rachel] Are you... ?
Having a water birth?
- Hey.
Let's just get gross.
- [VOICE] Oh my god.
That's horrifying.
- You wear this to be upsetting.
You just -- this is only to be upset.
Meow.
Ooh meow.
Meow meow meow.
- Ooh! I already like this one a lot.
- Nobody wants to be reminded of their intestines?!
- What's sexier than revealing everything on your body?
Revealing everything IN your body.
- First of all, one thing I love about it,
is that it's got sleeves.
There's just something so funny to a swim-suit,
with sleeves.
- I would wear this to a science class.
Picture this.
A magic bus.
- I've been feeling a little gassy today
you can see why.
- And I come in, also I have very frizzy red hair,
and I'm like, hello students!
They say, Oh we're gonna learn about human-anatomy
I say, yeah get on the bus.
We're going inside someones body.
- This is -- I feel like a great f*** you
to any, like, if you've got a really bangin' bod
but you're sick and tired of dudes checkin' you out
put this thing on.
(upbeat club music)
- Hello!
I'm this person in your friend group!
- You know what also is upsetting,
is that this is someone's kink.
Someones watching this and is like,
Oh finally he looks hot!
- I wish I was a little wet.
Ya know?
Hold on.
(water trickling)
So you have the drips. (laughs)
Guys I'm just so wet.
- [VOICE] Turn around more.
- I got all wet.
Flip!
Ooh naughty!
- Great!
- [Greg] I'm wearing a haaaaat.
- (laughs) Greg, you're crazy.
You kind of look like, um, what's his name
in Jurassic Park who seals in the DNA
and then get's eaten by the delophasaurus?
From, also from Seinfeld?
- We've seen a lot of skimpy stuff today
I need something -- I need a one piece.
Ya know, I need something I feel comfortable in.
(record scratch)
Oh..kay this is not what I had in mind.
- Oh yes, sling-shot!
- I thought the other one was silly string!
What the hell even is this?
- I like the simplicity of this.
- They wouldn't even wear this in brazil.
Would they?
- Is this like, the female version of the Borat?
I think it is!
Oh wow.
- Would you like some candy?
- My wife!
- I've seen one of these at the store --
what you do...
- [Rachel] What store?
- The store! (laughs)
So you got this, and then you take water balloons...
- Ow!
Ow!
- Really far up the butt.
This one's the most -- the most um,
have you seen The Descent? Great movie.
It's the most, like, that -- except an ascent.
- There's no way for my dick to look okay.
I feel like it is doing things for my butt though.
Is it too many things?
- [VOICE] No.
- My kid is gonna see this one day.
(angelic sci-fi music)
- It's tough because I gotta like,
shoot it from, hold on --
(laughs)
Guys! This -- this is, this is fun.
- Rachel would you wearing any of the swim-suits
we've tried on?
- [Rachel] Absolutely not.
- What about the one with the sloth
riding on top of the T-Rex?
- [Rachel] That's the closest.
- Is it supposed to connect? Is it supposed to hook up?
- Is this if I'm like, misbehaving?
It's like, come on son hurry up!
Dad I wanna go on the water slide!
Shut up!
- There's gotta be something to this.
- Greg, can you figure this out?
- [Greg] Nooooooooo....
- Oh Greg, you've had too much to drink.
We're not going out anymore drake.
- [Greg] Who's Drake?
- I don't know why I called you Drake.
I thought your name was grape.
- Does it make my bootie look good?
Does it make my butt look good?
I've been tied up by that broodish pirate, ugh!
- Again, crazy nightmare of tan-lines.
- This is funny.
It feels like a, I'm a drawing on the floor
with which you could cast spells in.
(scary suspenseful music.)
If I was on the floor, could you
see me surrounded in candles?
And like, a bunch of 16 year old girls
who are like, oh no magics real!
No I was at a party once, and like we used a Ouija board
and there was a ghost named "Gurgsh"
"Gurgsh" was like, he kept answering, "no."
- Hey greg...
- [Greg] Yeah, Eugene?
- Didn't wanna bring this up here, but
your wife's really worried about you.
- [Greg] I know....
- Sexy lady bathing suits, I really feel like
you're putting yourself out on display
in a way that men seldom do.
- She uh, she thinks you're partying too hard
with the uh, the oranges.
- I feel like meat.
That's been strung up, and left to dry.
- [Greg] Well, I learned from the best, Eugene.
- Hey, hey hey! I haven't talked
to the oranges in 1945.
- All these suits really appeal to
the different body types, right?
Or different confidence levels?
Mostly I think whatever you want to wear, it's fine
as long as you're legally covering things
you need to legally cover that's probably
all that matters, right?
- Right? Fashion.
- Well, this was another wonderful episode
of the Magic School Bus.
I'm Mrs. Frizzle, tune in next week when I teach
Greg all about space.
And what do you do in space?
You ride a T-rex.
Goodnight Philippines!
(upbeat music)
- Is the booty hairy?
- [VOICE] Oh, yes.
- What does it look like, I can't see it. Is it cute?
- [VOICE] NO.
- I think it's hairier than my real booty.