- Hello lovely people.
Hello and welcome
because I am joined today by...
- Hi!
- Stevie Bobby.
I know you are all desperately, wonderfully excited.
I am too.
- And it's been so many years since
we made a video together.
- Has it?
- Yeah, it's been like 2019 I think was the last time.
- My goodness.
And now you actually live in my city.
- Yeah, and it only took three months for us to
neither of us to be sick at the same time.
Or not that sick anyway
- That's very debatable.
Hopefully the lung infection will clear soon.
So many people are intrigued
by our friendship because we're a little different.
- I don't think we're that different.
- Well, I don't either, but the internet does.
- Yeah, didn't, when we first started hanging out
didn't people send you warnings about me saying
that I was gonna like ruin your marriage or something?
- Well actually they didn't send them to me,
they sent them to my wife.
- So watch out for Stevie.
- And said "Don't let Jessica be friends with Stevie,
it will ruin your marriage".
- Oh man.
- She's very naughty.
- The internet.
- Jessica's very nice and Stevie is naughty.
- There we go.
- Actually that makes a great friendship.
- You're the nice aunt.
And I'm the naughty aunt.
- Exactly, and so we thought we'd make
some wonderful videos where we give advice.
- Yeah!
- In our very, very different ways.
- Wait, let's talk about the thing...
What do we have in common?
(laughing)
- Disabilities.
- We both have connective tissue disorders.
We're both lesbians who identify as a lesbians.
- Yeah, still cool.
- Yeah, we both use she/her pronouns.
- We do.
We're both extroverts.
- Yeah, we are.
- We can talk a lot.
Don't make me laugh too much.
Wait, don't.
- We can't make Jessica laugh or she can just die.
Don't die please.
- Don't joke about my death, it might actually happen.
(laughing)
- Oh my God, that...
- Would be so tragic if that happened during filming.
- That would be horrible.
- [off camera person] Imagine the views though.
- Oh my God.
- We both love learning.
- We do, yeah, we're, we're information hoarders.
- Really keen interest in finding things out.
- We teach each other stuff all the time.
- We do.
- When I first moved here, I would ask Josie questions
about British things or, or history and stuff
and she'd be like, I don't know.
I'm like, you've never wondered?
She's like, no.
And I'm like, I wish Jessica was here.
- [off camera person] When Jessica coughs,
maybe try and pause talking.
- It's all right, I have a check x-ray next week.
That'll be fine.
Do you know why I say that?
Like the chest x-ray will somehow make the cough better.
It won't.
Diagnostic tool.
- Yeah, we need investigations.
- But there are some ways in which we are very different.
- I'm American.
- I'm very British.
You are nocturnal.
- Yes, I definitely, it's called DSPS,
delayed sleep phase syndrome.
A lot of neurodivergent people have it where they're ideal,
like if they just never set alarms
and let their body be natural,
it would be like 2:00 AM to 10:00 AM
would be like sleeping time.
A little bit later, a little bit earlier depending.
What time do you wake up?
Like 5:00 AM?
- Like, like 7:00 AM just, you know,
the regular wake up time.
- Yeah.
- I love the dark nighttime.
- Hello, 7:00 AM, time to go.
You're, you're a lover of the of the darker clothing.
- Yes, I do like dark colors.
Yeah, I just wear, you know,
when you have a wife you share a closet.
Not, not everyone like that's just like the biggest perk
of me of lesbianism for me is that you get to share clothes.
- Can't relate, absolutely can't relate.
- So I just wear her clothes
and they tend to be more de-saturated colors instead
of like clear art colors.
- Interesting.
- But I'm leaning more towards dark colors lately
cause I got my colors done.
- You did, you did.
And we are getting into winter.
- Yes, and I'm a dark winter so you know.
- You swear.
- I do swear Jessica does not.
- So we thought just to play
on our fun little friendship of differences.
Make some videos giving some advice
on any dilemmas you might be having in your life right now.
Playing on our own special dynamics we would give them
in our own sweet and spicy ways.
- Yeah, I feel like, I feel like spicy
is an adjective that people would use to describe me.
- I would definitely use that to describe you.
- Yeah, and you're definitely sweet.
- Thank you.
- [Narrator] How do you keep your mood up
after endless days in bed?
- Well this is a great question.
One that I feel primed to answer.
For me, keeping my mood up isn't hard.
So I'm not always the best person to give advice
cause I think it's a very person to person dependent.
I can find the joy in the smallest thing
and that tends to pull me through.
And I learned that from a very young age growing
up being very ill and being like, well I guess I
gotta just help myself learn to self soothe, oh goodness.
But I definitely have darker moments and I sort of lean on
other people and the thing that helps
is just opening up and talking to them.
For me, I think the answer is always
reaching out and asking for help when you need help.
- I love that you basically just said
learn to dissociate from your emotions.
It was easy for me!
It's really important for me because I do
spend a lot of time in bed to make
the room that my bed is in be like the best room.
I know that not a lot of people are
are affected by their...
- Environment.
- Environment as much as you and I are.
But I think that if you've just been looking
at the same walls that are
in a color that you don't really love
the longer it happens the more it can grade
on your, on your nerves.
So making sure there's lots
of things that you enjoy in your space.
Make it your own wonderful place.
Also if you like, pretend you're like a queen
and everyone like you don't, you don't have to go anywhere
and do anything and you're choosing to be in bed.
Another dissociation one.
I will not leave this bed because I must be waited on.
- [Narrator] I have a crush on a colleague
from work is that bad?
- Having a crush is never bad.
- I don't know.
I always say never pursue something with someone
you have to see again.
You know, roommates, coworkers, in-laws, terrible idea.
- But, but, your in-laws, I mean that's
(laughing)
- You know, and many, many relationships are started
at work because you meet people through going to work.
- Yeah, just like a a just a circumstantial reason.
But there's a difference...
- You meet people at school because
you just meet a lot of people.
- Yeah, but there's a difference between having a crush
and pursuing something with that person right?
- Yeah, there's nothing wrong with having a crush on anyone.
It's just about you.
- Yeah.
- Like you can have crushes on wherever you want.
You can have a crush on a flower.
You could if you wanted.
- That is adorable.
Flower...
- Could have a crush on the moon.
Just saying.
But yes, I mean if you're going to pursue it
make sure it's, you know
an equal partnership and not crossing any boundaries.
- No, no crushes are bad.
But don't pursue it, in my opinion.
- We have no other information.
Well, okay, what about, what about family businesses?
- I would hope family members aren't dating.
- No, my god, okay so, a husband and wife
own a business together.
What, they're meant to get a divorce?
- Yes, they absolutely have to.
- It's very dark inside there.
No, love, love everywhere.
- [Narrator] How do I come out as non-binary
to my uninformed family, is a PowerPoint too much?
- I love that
- Oh my god, I love it.
I made a PowerPoint to get my mother to buy me the Sims.
(laughs)
I perhaps would start drip feeding
information rather than the full on.
Okay everyone, let's sit down, get ready
get the popcorn lights are going down, here's the show.
Start perhaps with little bits
of information about here's what non-binary means.
Here's a, here's a media that involves non-binary now.
- I mean we are both cis women
but if you really want our advice about this,
I guess my input would be did you know there is
people you can hire that will help you come
out so they can like go to like a family gathering
with you or whatever as like your support person.
I'm sure lots of people would do it for free.
They're the ones that field the questions
so that it's not so that they like the
the person who's coming out can take a break or whatever.
So yes, I think you should do a PowerPoint.
I think you should invite a friend
or two that are there to, to support you in the moment.
And send me the PowerPoint.
I would love to see it.
- Well yeah, have a supportive person there
with you that you've spoken to ahead of time.
- Like, you know when you need a date to a wedding
and you can hire an actor to like come and be like
yeah we've been, we're getting engaged soon or whatever.
Like you can do the same thing for coming out.
- Yeah, I mean the actor
at a wedding thing maybe don't do that.
- Why not?
- And then what, what about afterwards?
We are, but like how's the wedding planning going?
You're like, oh yes we are no longer to together.
- No, you just hire the same actor to go to all the events.
- So she might not be free.
- Draw up a contract.
Sorry, you have to be free
on Christmas and Easter and any wedding.
- [Narrator] How long do you need to wait
before asking the person you are dating to be exclusive?
- I waited two weeks.
- I think first of all, exclusivity is overrated as a poly.
Oh that's another difference we have.
I'm polyamorous and you're a monogamous.
- Very.
Yeah, I'd say exclusivity is overrated but also
whatever makes you comfortable is what you should be sharing
with the person you're dating.
Because even if they react in saying I'm not ready
to be exclusive, however they react
to you saying this is something you're interested in.
You know, give you some clues as
to what kind of partner they're gonna be when
you ever do become exclusive.
Really overreact or ghost you or whatever,
like good riddens.
Do you know what I mean?
If exclusivity soon is something that you really want.
I don't think that there's any specific times that are okay
or not okay in anything concerning love.
- And if you are like a very, very monogamous person
who doesn't love the idea of like, oh we, we're dating
but like we are seeing other people and like you are going
on dates with other people and I don't really
know what's happening and what's going on there and and
if that makes you feel uncomfortable, then it's totally fine
for you to be sharing that.
Like that's okay.
Don't feel like you have to push yourself to fit in
with a dating culture that makes you feel uncomfortable.
And so then I went a lot of first dates and
until I met someone who also was very much like
yeah I just wanna date one person
and we like, great, let's just snap together.
- Really examining the reason why you
want exclusivity as well.
And then asking for those things instead of exclusivity.
Cause it sounds like such a big scary word and also
can make some people feel like
controlled or owned or or whatever.
But really you, you deserve to feel agency
over your own body and have your own boundaries respected.
And for you, if you are sleeping with this person
and you don't wanna be sleeping with someone who is sleeping
with other people, the conversation you should have
with the person you're dating isn't,
we have to be exclusive.
It's, I don't feel comfortable sleeping with someone who is
sleeping with other people or at least I need to know when
like the next time we go to sleep with each other
let me know if you've been with someone in
between the last time or whatever so that you can fully
consent to the situation.
Like if that's your issue is like I can't consent to sex
if I know you've slept with someone yesterday
then have that conversation instead of the exclusivity one.
If that makes sense.
And then the answer is that they'll give you
will help you pinpoint them on a map as far
as like if they're compatible with you at all.
- Or, we don't sleep together until
you are ready to be exclusive with me.
- Yeah, like for me, I really like, before I was married
I'm really into safe sex practices and so
for me I would say I do not exchange fluids
with anyone other than kissing
unless they haven't slept with anyone else for three months.
So for me it was like this is a safe sex boundary
that I have and that is the reason that I would care
about exclusivity and like being in a safe sex circle.
And so then, you know, cause they'd wanna be exclusive
cause they want to be able to go down on me.
You know what I mean?
So it's like, it's like a fun little dangle to carrot
in front of the the horse, you know?
- Yeah.
(laughing)
- [Narrator] How do you deal
with disagreements with friends?
Fundamental versus minor?
- Intriguing...
- Blocked, deleted.
- Wow, do you have no friends that you disagree with?
- No, because why are you arguing with me you know?
- Why do you have to argue?
- I'm just kidding.
I mean though I have, I have done that before
just blocked someone cause of the,
I mean it was way worse than just like, oh they don't
like french fries and I do, so I'm gonna block them.
You know?
- Is that even a disagreement?
I can't get over that, hang on.
I have Tory friends.
- Imagine how boring it would be to like have
a friend who you agree you have the same opinion
and experiences and beliefs about every single thing.
- Exactly, yeah.
No, I think it's really interesting and I quite
like having friends where we can have debates about things
and you can get together as a group and you can have
you know X like do we agree on this?
Is this, you know, what do we think?
And it's great to have people who say, you know,
oh I think this is not okay.
I think this is okay, well I see a middle ground.
And then the next time you get together there's
a different topic that we're all talking about.
And you know, the slides have shifted and now
the someone that you were arguing with last week is now,
oh you are on the same team and you're like,
yeah we are both agreeing this thing is good.
I think that's a really interesting way because I think
as human beings, none of us are one thing,
even when it comes to politics,
like no one is wholly like a conservative.
- And no one's static either.
People grow and change throughout
- Yeah, people have a viewpoint on immigration
that might be conservative, but they might have a viewpoint
on gay marriage that would be considered liberal.
So then like where do they fall?
I just don't think any single person is ever
one thing because that's not how human brains work.
- I think you are definitely more tolerant than me
of others with differing opinions,
but obviously also there's difference...
- Obviously if anyone was like massively transphobic.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Massively like homophobic.
I mean, why are we friends?
But there we go.
If they were very racist, they wouldn't be my friend.
- Yeah.
- The things that we would be disagreeing
on would be things that I'm like, I can see your viewpoint.
I think it's wrong, but I understand why you
from your past lived experience feel that way.
- Yeah, if I, how would I deal with a minor,
a minor one versus a major one?
I think I would probably deal
with them the same way I would...
So say we're at a dinner party and someone invites someone
that says something that I'm like
that is very silly slash I hate that idea.
Then I will just ask them a bunch of pointed questions
so that they say the thing that I suspect
that they actually mean
and then try to embarrass them in front of everyone.
- Yeah, that does sound like you, yeah.
- Yeah.
- But also empathy, you know?
- Yes.
- Be like, I can see how you, you got that idea
but have you ever considered this thing?
Did you know that's actually not true what you just said.
Studies show this.
I'm, I don't, I'm not scared
of being confrontational at all with people.
I actually really enjoy being confrontational
but also people interpret me
as being confrontational when I don't feel like I am, I feel
like I'm like, oh no, this is, we're having a fun debate.
And then people think I'm like
about to punch them or something.
- Yeah. I really enjoy that.
There are some, there are some middle aged people
in my life who I very much enjoy having conversations
with where they bring like daily mail talking points
and I'm like, oh, interesting.
Well let's chat!
And I'm like, well you think this yes.
However studies have shown and we can like have a back
and forth on it and deconstruct why they think this way
and be like, well actually that was just one case
of a thing that happened.
It's not nationwide.
That's not really happening.
We don't need to actually worry about that.
They can be very open depending on your point of view.
And I think a lot of it has to do with
being young female and cute in a way.
- Oh, it's like you feel like you're disarming to them.
- Yes.
- Because they just see you as being curious
and or or whatever giving them a point
to talk about their point.
- Yeah.
And I'm very aware of that.
So I'm like, oh, tell me more
about this thing that you heard about.
Gosh, well I heard about this.
Let me bring up this thing.
Like it's a study, I just stumbled upon it.
Okay, it says not what you're saying.
- People definitely do that with me
because I'm American in England now too,
where it's, it's really disarming to people.
It's like charming, like, oh
you don't know anything, you're American.
And so yeah, people find me, well, I don't know, maybe
maybe I can't tell.
I can't really understand how other people perceive me.
I'm trying to learn but you know, still not got there.
- So I think coming from a place of, of being like
well I'm very interested to learn about your viewpoint.
Gosh is always a good way, I think, to resolve differences.
But yes, if they, if they're just awful
it's fine to walk away.
Well thank you so much Stevie
for joining me for an episode of
- Sweet Aunt, Spicy Aunt
- Sweetheart Aunt, Spicy Aunt.
- And we pronounce it differently.
So that's adorable.
- Aunt, wait, do it... aunt.
- Aunt, actually my true accent is aint
- I will never be able to understand.
- But I say aunt.
- Okay.
- So that people know what I'm talking about.
- Ant ant
- This is really good.
- Oh, thanks.
- Aunt, sweet aunt, spicy aunt.
- Is that how you talk.
- That was quite good.
Hop on over now to Stevie's channel where
we are gonna have more of the same.
We'll be answering some more
of your interesting, interesting advice queries.
I've gotta say.
These were fascinating.
- Yeah, I love it.
- I absolutely loved doing this.
- Yeah, I love finding out what people wanna know from us.
- I'd love finding out your answers.
(laughing)
Well thank you very much for watching.
Subscribe if you haven't already.
I've put all of my social media down
in the description as well as Stevie's.
So make sure you go and follow Stevie on everything.
And we'll see you in the next video.
Bye Bye.