Hey YouTube, Breakup Brad here… and in this video, I’m going to help you figure out
whether your ex is using you. Are they stringing you along, giving you hope of getting back
together while secretly moving on? Are they using you for sex or for other favours? Are
they taking advantage of your heartache and weakness for their own benefit? Keep watching
and you’ll find out.
To begin with, you should know that sadly this is actually quite common after a breakup.
In my 13 years as a breakup coach, I’ve worked with tens of thousands of people going
through a breakup, and I see my clients and subscribers being used and manipulated by
their exes on a daily basis. It’s often nothing too sinister or malicious, but sometimes
it can be downright cruel.
But perhaps the worst part about being used by your ex -- at least, if you’re still
hoping to get them back and start over with this person -- is that it can quickly destroy
your chances of ever getting back together. I’ll explain why shortly, but it’s important
that you know right off the bat that you can’t let your ex take advantage of you or use you
if you want to have any chance of winning them back. You have to find the strength and
confidence to stop being a victim and stop giving your ex what they want if they’re
trying to use you or manipulate you for their own gain. Sometimes, that might be extremely
difficult and it might feel like you’re only making matters worse… but, in the long
run, allowing yourself to be played or used by your ex is always bad news.
Even if you don’t want your ex back -- even if you’re just focused on getting over this
person and moving on with life -- don’t let yourself be manipulated or let your ex
string you along. Stand up for yourself, show integrity and self-worth, and show your ex
you’re not willing to be their counselor or their butler. I don’t even recommend
being friends with your ex or continuing to sleep with them unless you’re fully over
them and happy to have that kind of a relationship.
If you ARE hoping for a second chance with your ex… take 5 minutes right now and go
to BreakupBrad.com/Quiz to find out your odds of getting them back. It’s a free quiz I’ve
spent years building, and it’s the most accurate and simplest way to figure out your
chances of ever winning them back. Again, the quiz is free and takes just a few minutes,
so go to BreakupBrad.com/Quiz and try it out.
NOW… with that out of the way, let’s talk about how to tell if you’re being used by
your ex, and what you should do about it. Here are some signs your ex is using you or
stringing you along...
Sign #1 - Communication with your ex only happens on their terms.
I’m sure this one will be familiar to a lot of you…. This is the kind of situation
where your ex will call or text you when they want to talk or want a favor from you, but
won’t respond or engage with you when you try to reach out or ask for something. Basically,
any kind of situation where it feels like your ex only wants to engage when they decide
to, and can’t be bothered at any other time.
For example, maybe you sometimes get a 2am booty call drunk text asking you to come over…
but when you reach out the next day and ask if your ex wants to grab a coffee, they don’t
respond or give you a cold, indifferent response a few hours later. Clearly, the 2am drunk
text is just because they want sex, but the next day when you want to hang out they’re
simply not interested or can’t be bothered to even reply.
This is communication on your ex’s terms, and it really isn’t good for your chances
of getting them back. In fact, this kind of situation is a clear indication that there’s
an imbalance of power in your relationship -- your ex has the power to engage with you
any time they want, but doesn’t need to reciprocate when you try to do the same. They
have all the power in this kind of scenario, and you have none. This is a bad dynamic not
only for your chances of getting them back, but also it’s a bad thing generally in any
relationship, romantic or otherwise.
How do you deal with this type of situation? Well, quite frankly, you shouldn’t let yourself
fall into this trap in the first place… but if you’re already guilty of playing
along and letting your ex dictate when and how you communicate, it’s time to stop giving
them what they want. Start ignoring those 2am booty call texts. Start waiting several
hours before replying to your ex’s texts or calls, and stop agreeing to whatever it
is they’re asking for. Basically, give them a taste of their own medicine, and start shifting
the balance of power back in your favour.
Sign #2 - They’re “hot and cold” with you.
OK, this is similar to what we just talked about… only this time, it’s more that
your ex is sometimes very friendly and affectionate, but other times can’t be bothered to respond
to you or they seem cold and indifferent. This is super, super common and it’s a clear
indication that your ex is stringing you along.
As an example, maybe your ex will tell you they still think about you all the time…
they’ll tell you they wish you were with them, and that they miss you… and then,
24 hours later, when you try to reach out… they don’t reply or respond with something
distant and unaffectionate. And this will often continue for weeks at a time, where
sometimes you get the sense they might actually want you back, while at other times they seem
totally uninterested.
What this means, at least in most cases, is that your ex is trying to keep you around
as a ‘backup plan’ while they test out the single life or casually date around to
see if they can find someone new to replace you. Now, on one hand this is a good sign
-- it means your ex is still somewhat unsure about the breakup, and that they do still
have feelings for you. It means they’re not fully ready to let you walk out of their
life, because they may still change their mind or decide they’ve made a mistake in
breaking up.
On the other hand, this is also a dangerous situation to let yourself fall into, because
it makes you look weak and needy… and it gives your ex all the time and freedom to
date around or slowly learn to live without you. In the long run, this can lead to your
ex finally committing to a permanent breakup. At the very least, it makes the breakup far
easier for them to endure, and gives them time to slowly adjust to life without you
around.
Again, the solution to this is to simply not play ball. If your ex tells you they miss
you and wish you were there in a late night text, don’t reply. Don’t let them have
what they want, at least not immediately or every time they ask for it. If you haven’t
already, you’re probably going to need to engage in a period of No Contact starting
immediately to put some pressure on your ex and force them to realize the full consequences
of the breakup.
Sign #3 - They usually want something from you when they reach out.
This one is pretty self-explanatory. If your ex seems to always want something from you
when they reach out -- if they want sex, help with their homework, or a hand painting their
new apartment -- that’s a clear sign you’re likely being used and taken advantage of.
Now, don’t get me wrong -- if your ex contacts you regularly and only very occasionally asks
for a favour, that might not be a situation where you’re being used. But if they ONLY
reach out when they need something from you, and never contact you just to catch up or
share a joke or suggest you grab dinner... then you’re probably being taken advantage
of.
This usually happens when your ex knows that you’re still heartbroken and hoping to get
back together. If your ex knows this, they also know that you’ll jump at any chance
to see them, and won’t likely say no when they ask for a favour or a booty call… so
you’ll be the first person they call any time they need something.
Personally, I find this kind of behaviour pretty disgusting. It’s selfish and completely
disregards your emotions. Your ex is blatantly taking advantage of your heartache and desire
to get back together for their own benefit, and they know fully well that they’re doing
it.
So again, this is another situation where you need to stand up for yourself and put
your foot down to stop being used. If your ex wants something from you, and you agree,
you look needy and desperate and sometimes downright pathetic. These are obviously highly
unattractive traits that will only help to solidify your ex’s decision to break up.
Every time you cave in and agree to whatever they’re asking for, you’re showing them
how fragile you are and how desperate you are for a chance to see them.
I’m sure you’ve heard people say that confidence is the most attractive trait that
people look for in the opposite sex, and to a large extent that’s true. So show your
ex that you’re confident enough to say no to their requests or demands, and don’t
let yourself be played or strung along for your ex’s benefit. They need to understand,
without any doubt, that you’re not going to be used or taken advantage of for any reason…
and if they don’t smarten up and quickly change their mind about breaking up, they’ll
lose you for good.
I know this is hard to stomach -- saying no when your ex messages you at 10pm to ask if
you want to “netflix and chill” might seem like you’re throwing away a great chance
to win them back -- but trust me, you MUST shift the balance of power back into your
favour and stop giving your ex what they want every time they ask. If they don’t understand
the consequences of breaking up -- if you don’t show them that the breakup means you’re
quickly going to move on and slip out of their life for good -- they won’t miss you, and
they won’t feel any kind of pressure to take you back.
A lot of people struggle with this, and it’s something that many of my coaching clients
ask me for help with. Please, if you’re worried you’ve fallen into your ex’s trap
and don’t know how to change the dynamic and rescue your chances of ever getting them
back, sign up for my 1-on-1 coaching program today. Full details and a link to sign up
are at BreakupBrad.com/Coaching. When you register, you’ll first have a chance to
send me all the details of your specific situation, and then we’ll work together to ensure you
have a plan that will maximize the odds of getting them back. Again, visit BreakupBrad.com/Coaching
to register and begin working with me today. The longer you wait, the more your ex is going
to slip away.
Sign #4 - Your ex still engages with you regularly, but never initiate contact or show much interest.
In this type of situation, maybe your ex seems friendly enough and will respond to your messages
or calls and even give you a few flashes of hope now and then. They’re not cold or disinterested…
but they also don’t seem to ever initiate contact themselves. Maybe it feels like they’re
happy to talk or hang out, but only if you’re the one to send the first message or arrange
a meet-up.
This is a less serious and clear-cut sign than the first 3 we’ve already covered,
but it is still sometimes an indication that you’re being used to some extent… or at
the very least, that your ex isn’t interested enough to put in any effort. They may not
be actively trying to string you along or take advantage of you, but they’re also
happy to let you continue to have hope and believe there may still be a future for your
relationship.
Again -- and I’m sure you’re starting to see a pattern here -- the key to escaping
this kind of trap is to stop reaching out in the first place. If your ex is never willing
to initiate contact, and you’re always the one putting in the effort, you need to stop
for at least a few weeks and see what happens. Sometimes, they’ll suddenly be willing to
initiate contact after just a few days of not hearing from you… and if that’s the
case for you, it’s a great sign for your chances of getting them back. On the other
hand, if you cut off contact for a few weeks and they never reach out during that time,
things are looking more dire.
Regardless of how your ex responds, engaging in No Contact is the only way to change the
dynamic and work towards getting them to want you back. If you don’t hear anything from
them during your period of No Contact, then you can move on to the “re-engagement”
techniques that I cover in depth in my Ex Factor program and in some of my past YouTube
videos to try and re-start communication and get them interested in you again.
The Bottom Line About Being Used By Your Ex
The four signs I’ve just described are all strong signs you’re being manipulated or
taken advantage of by your ex, at least to some extent. And as you might have noticed,
all four have a similar solution: you need to change the dynamic between you and your
ex by not playing ball or giving in to what they want. This can be very difficult to do
-- it requires serious willpower and confidence on your part -- but I promise you it’s the
only way you’re going to escape the situation and improve your odds of getting them back
or getting over them.
If you decide to ignore the advice I’ve shared in this video, that’s fine… but
please remember that I’ve been coaching people in your situation for over 13 years,
and I’ve helped over 130,000 people get their ex back, so I have seen thousands of
success stories and failures in that time. I know what DOESN’T work -- which is to
keep letting your ex dictate your relationship and keep giving them what they’re asking
for. I also know what DOES work -- which is to stay strong, show your own self-worth and
self-confidence, and show them that you’re not going to wait around and allow yourself
to be taken advantage of.
Again, to get my personal help on an ongoing basis and maximize your odds of getting a
second chance with your ex, visit BreakupBrad.com/Coaching and sign up for my 1-on-1 coaching service
today. It’s way more affordable than you might think, and I genuinely enjoy helping
my clients succeed and find happiness again, so I’ll be happy to hear from you and start
learning about your specific situation.
Thanks so much for watching this video all the way to the end, and best of luck out there…
don’t forget to subscribe and leave a common below if you found this video helpful. I sincerely
appreciate your support and I always read all your comments. Thanks again and see you
in the next video!