i'm gonna share something that over the
years i've come to know
to be true
and that's that generally the answers
that we look for tend to
fall between the extremes
so for example you have two people one
person is adamant that option a is right
it's a no-brainer that'll take you to
the promised land
then on the other side
the other person's saying no it's option
b and it's not even close option b is
the way to go and well
generally speaking
the answer we're looking for falls
somewhere right in the middle that's
where the winning formula lives
not always
but most of the time
the other stuff the detail the a's b's
and c's the stuff that gets the flash
that we spend most of our time talking
about
it's unnecessary noise and nuance
to win is to trust your instinct it's
being comfortable with your authenticity
as the foundation
[Music]
and then once you have that you can
choose to sprinkle the other stuff on
top as flavoring
but i want to talk about this idea
because i've fallen into the trap and i
think others do too
of looking for answers in the wrong
places
of trying so hard to replicate success
to meet
other people's guidelines we're so busy
asking what the other people want to
hear
that we're not asking ourselves
hey what do i want to say
[Music]
and in the process we lose what's most
valuable we end up rearranging the deck
chairs on the titanic
imagine if malcolm gladwell
only wrote about what was trending on
twitter
or what was popular it's like no he
writes about what he's interested in
that's why he's so fun to read his
curiosity and passion always comes
through
or if jk rowling spent her time
researching
what works what sells books what do i
need to buy what's been done before me
before she created harry potter we
probably wouldn't have it
her brilliant imagination wouldn't have
been shared with the world because
let's be real wizards in boarding school
weren't exactly on everyone's radar
there was no road map to that
or i think of jordan peterson's lectures
imagine if he crafted his message around
youtube or or instagram algorithms
we lose all its power and meaning he's
authentic he's raw he's real that's why
we watch him
[Music]
but the reality is
every day
we're told in taylormade strategically
located advertisements that hey john
smith achieved success happiness and
fame with this product or this service
and without that
you can't get what you want
or we turn on our phones we go on social
media and it's hearts and likes and
double taps and we're not saying what we
want to say
hey we're reverse engineering how to get
that validation
for those with brands or those in the
marketing space i mean you know it's
always about trying to understand this
mysterious algorithm where your posts
will be buried
what we're being asked to do overall
every day is manipulate ourselves to
meet the demands of the platform or of
the external criteria
i'm not saying it's morally wrong
there's no atrocity being committed part
of life is adapting
but what i am suggesting is there's a
danger that we're not aware of
amidst all this chaos and confusion and
manipulation
we tend to lose ourselves and when we
lose ourselves it doesn't happen all at
once
[Music]
it's gradual it happens little by little
one concession at a time we don't snap
our fingers and disappear we slowly slip
away not by what we do by what we don't
do in order to fit in
you know how everything in our solar
system orbits around the sun
[Music]
well what if you thought of that sun as
who you are right when you're with your
friends or family when you're writing
saying thinking what matters to you
without social media without brands and
marketing and societal pressure just
simply who you are
that should always be the nucleus of
your world
your north star that should be the
measuring stick
to whether you're on the right track not
the externalities that ask you to change
your key so that it fits their lock
what have you re-engineered the way we
look at things what if we built a world
where people expand upon who they are
and what they care about
where we have the courage to say
no to the latest trend or item or advice
because it's just not who you are
what if you were that confident
[Music]
and then if we think some of those
externalities will help us
then sure sprinkle them on top
but they rotate around you you don't
rotate around them that's the difference
to be content you have to be the center
of your own universe
by your guidelines
so instead of looking around and trying
to decide your strengths
you know based on what will be accepted
or promoted or what's been done before
do yourself a favor
take a deep breath step back and just
simplify
you know what matters
and that's enough you don't need the
world to tell you that so while the
masses fight over solution a or solution
b maybe you'll understand that both of
those solutions
solve the wrong problem
and while the masses argue you know
which car goes 0-60 the fastest scream
about the features debate which brand is
the most reputable
hey you'll at least know why you're
driving
which is more than most of the world can
say
you'll know where your car
is headed before you upgrade to that
sunroof
and those top of the line speakers
[Music]
eight lessons to live by
number one
remind yourself to see
those things we've taught ourselves not
to see
the things that don't directly correlate
to money or status or ascension up some
social hierarchy
underneath those things
are what keeps us alive
keep our souls lit our eyes open our
days meaningful
[Music]
we don't think
we need music to invigorate the soul we
don't think we need wind on our face or
sand
on our feet we don't think we need
to shut the world off so we can hear
ourselves think
now we fall into the trap of believing
that beautiful is a luxury
it's not
it's why we're here
and it's not about being anti-money or
status or whatever your goals are
but it is about realizing
that those things without beauty and art
and nature and calm
are empty
there are plain without wings lungs
without air the things we have taught
ourselves not to
see are the things we need above all
else
number two you are stronger than you
think you are
you are made to endure
to pave a path find a way rise to the
occasion
and we know this when it's easy
but we forget
when it's not
when the world feels stacked against us
when you're writing things no one reads
saying things no one hears making things
no one sees
when you know you have somewhere to go
but aren't sure where that is know you
need to evolve into something but have
no idea what
this
is when you need to know that you have
everything you need
it's not about finding new pieces
it's about arranging the ones in your
hand
like smoke expands to fill any room your
potential can expand to conquer any
obstacle you are stronger
than you think you are
number three some things are beyond our
control
but being ready for the opportunity when
it comes our way is very much
in our control
[Music]
and maybe it takes a day a month
a year longer
you can't control that you can't control
the path of that firefly but when it
lights up and comes your way
you can have the jar ready and the lid
off you can be well read well prepared
rehearsed
to the point of confidence
reliance on repetition and not hope
no endeavor is a coin flip when you use
a double-headed quarter
one of the most valuable questions i've
learned to ask is when and where in my
life can i create those magic
coins
number four we are at our best when we
are moving towards something
inaction has an opportunity cost that is
more expensive than anyone wants to pay
places i haven't gone risks i haven't
taken
they're the loss
the dragon has the gold for a reason and
to avoid the former is to forfeit the
latter
if we are not growing we are dying so as
emerson suggested find a star to hitch
your wagon to
and even when the world forces detours
upon you inserts roadblocks or
temporarily covers that star up all
together
[Music]
remember that it's still there
shining as bright as it ever has
waiting for you to reorient yourself
remember who you are
and carry on
number five when it's your fault you are
in
control i used to hide behind the notion
that bad grades were because of a bad
teacher
that missing the promotion was because
of the boss
that an inability to influence was
because the world didn't understand
and to whatever degree these things may
be true
we win when we dial them back to zero if
your bad grades are completely your
fault
you'll better prepare
if your lack of promotion falls entirely
on your shoulders
you'll find ways to add more value
if your inability to influence is
because you're missing the mark
you'll stop projecting yourself onto the
world and start asking the world how you
can serve
before it can become an opportunity it
has to first become your responsibility
to grow
we have to plant roots where it hurts
where the ego lives
where we have to first be humbled
[Music]
then
we can accelerate
vertically
number six if it means something to you
there is value
it's not stupid
just because they don't get it doesn't
mean that they shouldn't
just because it's not happening today
doesn't mean it won't be tomorrow
my life is a lot like six year olds
playing soccer everyone chases the ball
because that's what we're told
that's where the attention is that's
what's
but as an outside midfielder most of my
life i know that some of the most potent
attack sequences manifest on the outside
of the field and then are re-centered
to run up the sideline without the ball
is to see what happens before it happens
the magic
is created in the empty space
before it translates to the high traffic
high reward areas
and just because you're metaphorically
running without the ball doesn't mean
you're not in prime position
to have monumental impact you're not
reacting you are
creating
don't forget that
[Music]
number seven nothing is mandatory
everything we do we choose
where we are who we're with how we spend
our time
and it's easy to look around and think
we are programmed to exist between
specific parameters
we're not
and often we don't see until life forces
a change upon us how much flexibility we
have in life
now sure change obviously brings with it
is challenges new questions
uncertainties new places to map and
people to meet but as mark manson says
there is no problem free life
no the beauty of life is that we get to
choose which problems we will spend our
time solving
problems to solve are what make life
meaningful
so if you're looking around and not
seeing what you want to see you're not
stuck
you're simply solving the wrong problems
perhaps it's time to find some new ones
and number eight tomorrow is not your
answer
it's your problem
tomorrow is your excuse to wait
to hold off to rationalize stagnation
[Music]
tomorrow is the status quo it's a fresh
new coat of paint on a car that won't
run or a new roof on a house with a
cracked foundation tomorrow can only
tell the story
that is acted out today
that means without stepping into the
limelight right now in the immediate in
the present there will be no story
because stories aren't made tomorrow
they're made now
so let's stop expecting the messenger to
be the author
and let's take fate into our own hands
write our own headlines
[Music]
during the only moment
we'll ever have
the present one
so let the rest of the world dance
around tomorrow
that's not where your mind should be
[Music]
you should be working on the melody
of today
[Music]
so
life is the sum of the decisions
we make
but which decisions how am i supposed to
know
[Music]
well maybe a list will help some pros
and some cons list one
finding the courage to do something new
okay cons it could be a waste of time
could embarrass myself could lose money
could get criticized
[Music]
pros
could be life-changing
finding the courage to go somewhere new
okay cons might not like where i go
might not know how to get there
might regret going
pros could end up being the best
decision i've ever made
finding the courage to change myself
okay cons
might not like who i become
might try fail and feel worse than i did
to begin with
it's possible
pros
well i might become exactly who i need
to be
so looking at this it essentially comes
down to conserving the old or making the
new
maintaining
or capturing the upside
but it doesn't quite
delineate my problem
okay so different angle lists too
finding the courage to do something new
if i fail is it reversible
yes
i can fail
and if i do i'll simply go back to doing
that which i had been doing
all right finding the courage to go
somewhere new
if i don't like the destination is it
reversible yes
i can change my flights grab a train
turn the car around i decide where i go
finding the courage to change myself if
i don't like the trajectory is it
reversible
yes if i don't like how i'm evolving i
can stop
i can start back at the beginning
who you are is in your control okay so
after two lists
the pros have immense upside in the cons
well they have relatively minor downside
and they are reversible
meaning if i try something i've always
wanted to try go somewhere i've always
wanted to go become the person i've
always wanted to be
things could fall apart
but the damage is more annoying than it
is life-altering it's not forever it's
fixable
on the other side if i hit that home run
my life changes my world evolves what's
possible expands and it's not that i
will it's that i could
and doesn't everything start with could
a seed of possibility
an idea that plants roots and when
merged with courage and action take
shape
of course
but most importantly this information in
front of me tells me something pretty
incredible a story with few words and
infinite meaning
the key that unlocks some of the most
important doors to be opened
and it's this
most of our inaction most of our regret
most of our almost
come from cowering amidst possible
outcomes that are reversible
running from potential consequences that
we could wipe clean like a dry erase
board and try again the downside it
pales in comparison to the upside
we're running from a a slap on the wrist
or the momentary anxiety associated with
turning down the wrong street right
that's the takeaway here that's where
the magic lies not in the possibility
that everything could work out
but the realization that if it doesn't
life moves right along
that contrary to the narrative so often
making its home in the back of our minds
life has redos you can screw up you can
reverse track and start again
the only action you can't fix is the one
you never take and well i'm looking at
this list and i just don't see any
upside
in that
hold the vision
but trust the process
[Music]
an idea that should act as our north
star
right as we make our way through life it
proposes believing in a goal
[Music]
but at the same time understanding that
its manifestation
will be unpredictable
challenging it may not unfold the way we
thought it would
to me though
the most challenging aspect of personal
growth
of building the things that matter
creating realities we dream of
it's the mandatory dance we must do with
time
the patience
that's woven into the equation it's the
empty spaces
that we tend to use for manufacturing
doubt and disbelief when life has given
us nothing to to react to it's like we
create monsters in our heads
[Music]
and it's really an incredible thing
when you think about it right i look uh
back on the past decade of my life in
the hardest parts and some were
excruciating
they were pain derived from what i knew
i hadn't yet accomplished
it was a feeling like
i wasn't moving fast enough like the
winners in life had that over there and
all i had was this
over here
completely nonsensical narrative but one
that certainly felt real
discomfort
from the delta or the gap
between what i wanted and what i had a
feeling that would randomly dip in and
out of my conscious mind
as i sort of
chipped away at my goals day in and day
out and i started to wonder
how can i better position myself to grow
to maintain that ambition but also
to do it with less anxiety right as i
stated a few seconds ago
hold that vision
[Music]
but perhaps improve my trust
and relationship with the process
my ability to immerse myself in various
pursuits without dwelling on the fact
that i hadn't yet arrived because look i
know this game we all know this game
there's always going to be another
finish line to cross
that's a great thing but can also when
we're not looking at it correctly be to
our detriment
there are always
higher numbers to achieve
again incredible opportunity
but with the wrong perspective
dangerous
if you can't find a way to appreciate
the now while you climb
you will be forever lost there will
always be a hole that's never filled
i think we need to be better about
supporting ourselves along this journey
no one can be there for me like i can
and i think that's true for everyone we
need to be our greatest allies
so i brought this question up as i tend
to do with a few of my friends right
with different perspectives they look at
the world a little differently
and basically ask you know how can we
get out of our own ways or elaine to
both be tenacious in our pursuit of
evolution to continue doing the things
that excite and challenge us
while also being a little easier on
ourselves trusting that dance we do with
time
as the process unfold
and so i present this question to one of
my friends sitting across from me at the
table and he thinks about it he says hey
well that's what's got you where you are
that feeling like there's always more
it's
the reason
for the success you've had and the
success you'll have in the future it's
what will push you it's why you will
succeed
[Music]
people that
accomplish things are never satisfied
jordan was never satisfied he was never
happy
and in that context greatness and
happiness are not compatible
and you know i took it in i certainly
appreciated the perspective right in
many ways i think he's right
sort of reminded me of the idea behind
tim grover's book relentless that
uh it's an obsession that must take
place it doesn't leave room for much
else right incredibly valuable to
understand if anything just to see just
to grasp what it means to achieve in a
world of obstacles
but truthfully i wasn't um
entirely satisfied
right how can we better visualize the
process so that we're more powerful
allies to ourselves that's what i wanted
to understand
and a short time later
at the kitchen table kind of going over
some analytics for
uh social media youtube channel podcast
stuff like that um
and my father who happened to fly in
from boston he's at the kitchen table
with me we're having some coffee and i
made a comment
about the trajectory of the numbers
you know i forget
that particular week maybe it was higher
or lower than expected i don't really
remember but
um
he made this comment about
the patience that i've had with the
channel over the years just an offhand
remark you know he said uh the numbers
are like the s p 500 right the stock
market there are days when it drops or
days when it rises but over the long
haul it's steadily pointed up and it
continues to point up
[Music]
and i found that so interesting
you know i harp on the small things a
lot on this channel the little
breakthroughs that uh paved the way for
larger transformation
ideas that change the way we look at
things
which ultimately change the way we act
which change the results we get and this
happened to be one of them you know it
hit me
just right
what is perhaps the most important piece
in the famous book the intelligent
investor what is the idea that made
buffett a billionaire
it's that you invest in things you
believe in and you remove the emotion
you hold the dips
right when the stock market takes a hit
and everyone's panicking and acting
emotionally and selling
you don't sell
you buy more right when the world
emotionally rushes out you rush it and
when the world emotionally rushes in you
step out
well in life there will be days
when your metaphorical stock drops at
least you feel like it does right those
youtube numbers perhaps numbers in the
old bank account maybe fitness goals
fall flat maybe you're just not seeing a
return on investment but we are never
defined by the events of the day even
the worst of days
they're merely a small part of a much
larger pattern and the truth is
sometimes success is so small
you can't see it
of course you're going to be anxious if
you think every day should be comprised
solely of mountain tops and finish lines
if you're always looking comparing
contrasting
but sometimes success is point zero zero
zero zero one percent better sometimes
success looks like the s p 500 taking a
hit
dropping for a day a week or a month
sometimes growth doesn't look like what
we want growth to look like
but just like intelligent investors
you are putting your money in the belief
that at a certain point down the road
the value will be higher then than it is
now
and this idea has been everything to me
particularly on the days when it feels
like things are going backwards over
periods of time where i feel like i've
been standing still where the voice in
my head
is presenting all kinds of scenarios
that i could have been better or done
more and maybe so
but these times are nothing more than
data points
they are steps along the way
and knowing this it essentially frees me
from the delusion that growth is always
visible that i can always look around in
in see visible triumph
uh it allows me to march towards my
goals and my dreams
having a renewed relationship with each
step
you know there's a saying that we need
to keep our head in the clouds and our
feet on the ground life is a continual
juggling of extremes and i think
this gets it right
[Music]
our strength is in the ability to take
those steps
each one a message to the universe that
we are stronger than we were yesterday
but what makes our journeys truly divine
is that they aren't comprised of or
built with those steps like a house of
cards where one wrong move or or some
delay will cause the whole thing to fall
to come crashing down no what makes the
journey divine
is the infinite number of paths that can
bring about its
materialization
there are no wrong paths some arrive
sooner some arrive later
some
mid-journey
causes to realize that the compass
wasn't even pointed in the right
destination right they change what it
means to arrive but the point is
every step is required every step is a
miracle but the power is not contained
solely in one step
but rather what we choose to make of all
the steps combined the dips the lows and
the losses only have significance if we
give them significance
otherwise they're just a few stops along
the way to something
beautiful
so why exhaust energy on data points
that haven't arrived yet on destinations
in the future destinations that we trust
ourselves to figure out anyway
our emphasis should be on the present
moment
on gratitude for the fact that we get to
wake up and choose the pursuits that
we've chosen
and some days those pursuits will feel
like the miracles that they are we'll
see the finish lines the mountaintops
will feel triumphant and some days
those victories will be hidden in plain
view but they are there nonetheless
as we make our way into the great
unknown that is life
piecing each second each minute each
hour together
to become the path
leading us where we need to be
most
[Music]