so it just, like, works.
Look at how fast you're going. Good job.
Hey, girls.
Hungry?
[ Both laugh ]
She's a professional.
♪♪
Someone's making a dank Instagram story.
Yes, it's a story about a grown
[Victorian English accent] woman at the theater.
[Victorian English accent] Theater, yes.
-It's starting. -Damn it.
♪♪
Man: I'm so sick of this attic!
Walk it off, Anne Frank!
Shh!
♪♪
[ Applause ]
Wow.
[ Voice breaking ] Wow. [ Inhales sharply ]
They're gonna win that Tony.
Oh, my God. Dude... Does your eye stink?
[ Squelch ]
[ Sniffs ] Hoo!
What's going --
Holy shit! Ilana...
[ Sniffs ] It smells like prosciutt.
You cannot go to the DevaCurl shoot like this.
You got to go to a doctor right away
and get this cleared up, for the family honor!
Doctor? I don't have a "doctor" "here."
Wait, you don't have a doctor here?
No one in the city does. That's why it's a cesspool.
All right, it's an emergency! Go to the emergency room.
Go to St. Vincent's. -It's condos.
-All right, so Cabrini! -Also condos.
How 'bout that what's-his-name doctor on Houston St.?
It's not condos, but it's a Whole Foods.
[ Sighs ] Again, why do you love this city?
[ Coughs ] You got to get an ambulance.
You -- You smell like a dog's ass.
What'd you say?
A dog's ass.
Dog's ass -- That's it?
What? Mwah!
Okay, I know who can cure me. I got this.
Oh, I hope so.
Oh, God.
...! Come on.
♪♪
Hey, can you drive me downtown and just weave
in and out of traffic very fast?
Listen, I'm not a pedicab driver.
I'm a real estate broker. Read the sign.
Okay, then why do you have a pedicab?
It's the fastest way to get clients
to apartments for multiple viewing.
You know, I think I-I know you.
Are you a cop? No.
But you showed my friend and I an apartment years ago,
a bunch of shitty apartment.
I mean, they were all literal crime scenes.
Oh, yeah, crime scene homes are my speciality.
You know, I got an ex that works in the NYPD.
He hooks me up.
I just give him a hand job once and a while.
Okay, since we have a history can I please get a ride?
This is a modeling emergency.
Look, I've been pedaling my butt off all day.
I mean, look at my feet.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Wait a minute. Flex that thigh.
Whoopsie!
I can see your short and curlies.
[ Laughs ] Let's go!
[ Grunts ]
Damn.
There you go. You got it.
You should see your ass from back here.
It's amazing. It looks like a big heart.
Thank you, Pam -- Move! Scram! Oh, let's go!
We have a medical emergency!
Get out of the way!
[ Screams ]
[ Clattering ]
[ Cellphone shutter clicking ]
One of these babies could've been yours.
[ Smacks lips ] Shit.
Lighting is terrible in here.
Gotta find another light...source.
[ Indistinct talking in distance ]
[ Groans ]
[ Music plays in distance ]
Yes! Daylight.
[ Grunts ]
Here we go.
Lesley's not gonna know what hit her.
[ Screams ]
[ Groans, screams ]
[ Panting ]
[ Siren wails in distance ]
Shenanigans. [ Sighs ]
[ Groans ] Oh, sh--
Okay.
[ Cellphone vibrates ]
Oh, my God. Yes.
Ah! Yes!
Ow!
Hello? Somebody?
H-Hello?
Abbi? It's Lesley.
[ Exhales sharply ] Hey. Lesley.
[ Laughs ]
What's up...girl?
♪♪
[ Dogs barking in distance ]
Okay, I'm sorry.
I have to go before you. I'm a model.
[ Sighs ]
Yeah, I'm a model.
S-Stop!
Doctor -- Ohh! Sorry.
Ilana, I told you --
I can not spay-neuter a human, and it is not reversible.
No, I-I Googled that -- you were right about it.
[ Inhales sharply ] I'm here about this.
♪♪
[ Dog whines ]
That looks bad. Have a seat.
[ Dog whimpers ]
[Groaning ] Good -- Good girl!
Well, I actually wanted to apologize to you.
For before.
[ Panting ] Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, did you see my Instagram?
[ Chuckles ]
What?
Never mind. Wh-Wh-What's up?
Look, the truth is, I'm really set in my ways,
and maybe I'm self-sabotaging this whole things
because I have a lot of fun with you --
shenanigans and all.
I mean, who am I to judge the way you live?
[ Horn honks in distance ]
[ Exhales sharply ] Wow. Well, thanks --
I mean, thank you for saying that.
I -- [ Sighs ]
You really hurt my feelings this morning.
I know, and I'm so sorry.
Do you think there's any way that we can try this again?
You mean, like, get back together?
Yes. I'd really like to keep seeing you, Abbi.
I think you're great.
Well, I think you're great, too.
I mean, [grunts] what are you, uh...
What are you doing tonight?
Well, I think I may have a date
with my very adult, very sexy artist girlfriend.
Yeah. I mean, I'm down to...
hang.
Um, before we lock in any logistics...
I've, u-um...
gotten myself in a little bit of trouble.
[ Laughs ]
But, uh, I do need -- I do need you to call 9-1-1.
And then you know what?
You pick dinner. It's totally on you.
I'm cool with whatever.
Jesus Christ, Abbi.