LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS AND I HAVE SOME
BAD NEWS.
THE GOOD NEWS: AMERICA HAS TOO MUCH CHEESE.
THE BAD NEWS: WE HAVE WAY TOO MUCH CHEESE.
>> EXPERTS SAY AN OVERABUNDANCE OF CHEESE HERE IN THE U.S. HAS
CREATED THE COUNTRY'S LARGEST STOCKPILE OF THE STUFF IN
MORE THAN 30 YEARS.
>> AMERICAN DAIRY FARMERS ARE FACING AN ACTUAL OVERSUPPLY OF
THE PRODUCT, ADDING UP TO BILLIONS OF POUNDS OF CHEESE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT, BILLIONS OF POUNDS OF CHEESE.
OR JUST SLIGHTLY LESS THAN ROMANO'S MACARONI GRILL PUTS ON
A SINGLE ENTREE.
( LAUGHTER ) IN FACT, WE HAVE SO MUCH CHEESE
THAT IN ORDER TO GET RID OF IT, "EVERY PERSON IN THE COUNTRY
WOULD NEED TO EAT AN EXTRA THREE POUND OF CHEESE THIS YEAR.
WELL, I THINK I SPEAK FOR ALL AMERICANS WHEN I SAY, CHALLENGE
ACCEPTED.
COME ON, THREE POUNDS.
THREE?
IS THAT ALL YOU GOT!
I'M YELLING AT THE CHEESE GOD.
WE CAN EAT THREE POUNDS OF CHEESE IN OUR SLEEP.
MORE, IF WE'RE ON AMBIEN.
( LAUGHTER ) FORGET RIO.
THIS IS OUR OLYMPICS.
AMERICA, WE HAVE BEEN TRAINING FOR THIS FOR YEARS.
WE CONSUME SO MUCH CHEESE, WE SMUGGLE EXTRA SERVINGS INSIDE
OUR CRUSTS.
WE USE IT TO SPACKLE OVER THE HOLES IN OUR PRETZELS.
BY GOD, WE'RE THE COUNTRY THAT LOOKED AT NACHO CHEESE DORITOS,
AND SAID, "WE CAN MAKE THOSE NACHOS CHEESIER."
THERE COMES A TIME WHEN EVERY GENERATION IS ASKED TO SERVE
THEIR COUNTRY.
SO I'M CALLING ON ALL AMERICANS TO FIGHT THE GOUDA FIGHT.
( LAUGHTER ) WE DON'T DO THIS BECAUSE IT IS
EASY CHEEZE, BUT BECAUSE IT IS HAVARTI.
WE MUST WALK SOFTLY AND CARRY A BIG MOZZERELLA STICK.
WE MUST BOLDLY ASIAGO WHERE NO MANCHEGO HAS GONE "BRIEFORE" AND
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND IF WE DO, AND IF WE DO,
WE WILL BECOME CHEDDAR THAN ALL THE REST.
SO DIG DEEP AND FIND THAT EXTRA GRUYERE,
GET IN THE CALZONE AND JOIN ME, BECAUSE I'M FETA-UP
TO HERE, AND IF YOU THINK I CAN DO THIS
PROVALONE, YOU RICOTTA BE KIDDING ME.
WE MUST COME TOGETHER AND SLAY THE MUENSTER.
JUST FONDUE IT!
JARLSBURG READY FOR SWISS?
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