>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW.
FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST IS A STAND-UP COMEDIAN AND THE HOST
OF MY FAVORITE LATE-NIGHT SHOW IN CHINA, "IS IT TRUE?"
PLEASE WELCOME, ALL THE WAY FROM BEIJING, JOE WONG!
♪ ♪ ♪
>> HELLO.
HI, EVERYBODY.
HELLO, PEOPLE UP THERE.
HELLO.
SO, I AM ACTUALLY AN AMERICAN IMMIGRANT.
AND THEY SAY THAT AMERICA IS A COUNTRY OF IMMIGRANTS.
SO I HAVE TO ASK YOU GUYS-- PLEASE, LEAVE MY COUNTRY.
( LAUGHTER )
WE HAVE A ZERO-TOLERANCE POLICY RIGHT NOW.
( LAUGHTER )
THE FASTEST GROWING IMMIGRANT GROUP IN AMERICA, WHICH IS
REALLY AMAZING BECAUSE MEXICANS CAN CROSS THE RIVER AND COME
HERE.
AND I HAD TO FLY THOUSANDS OF MILES TO MEXICO--
( LAUGHTER )
TRUMP WANTS TO BUILD A WALL TO STOP IMMIGRATION.
I'M FROM CHINA.
( LAUGHTER )
THEY DON'T WORK.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS )
GOING TO BECOME A HUGE TOURIST ATTRACTION.
( LAUGHTER )
BECAUSE AFTER HE TOOK OFFICE, THERE WAS THE K.K.K. MARCH,
ANTI-K.K.K. MARCH, WOMEN'S MARCH, ANTI-CHILD SEPARATION
MARCH.
AND YOU KNOW HOW MUCH AMERICANS HATE EXERCISE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
HE HAS CONTRIBUTED MORE TO AMERICANS' HEALTH THAN ALL OF
THE Y.M.C.A.s COMBINED.
( LAUGHTER )
HEALTH OF OTHER COUNTRIES, BECAUSE LAUGHTER IS THE BEST
MEDICINE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I MEAN, YOU HAVE SEEN HIS PERFORMANCE AT THE U.N.?
( LAUGHTER )
THEY WERE PROBABLY EVEN A BETTER AUDIENCE THAN YOU GUYS ARE.
( LAUGHTER )
YOU GUYS ARE GREAT.
MY SON WAS BORN AND RAISED IN AMERICA.
I REMEMBER ONE DAY HE CAME HOME-- HE CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL.
THAT WAS WHEN HE WAS ABOUT FIVE YEARS OLD.
HE SAID TO ME, "HEY, DAD, I LEARNED AMERICAN HISTORY TODAY."
I SAID, WOW, THAT'S GREAT."
HE SAID, "NOW I REALLY FEEL BAD FOR BLACK PEOPLE."
I SAID, "YEAH, THEY'RE REALLY MISTREATED IN AMERICAN HISTORY."
HE SAID, "YEAH, AND I'M SO GLAD THAT I'M WHITE."
( LAUGHTER )
HE SAID, "WHAT AM I?" I SAID, "YOU'RE YELLOW."
THIS IS A TRUE STORY.
HE TOOK A LOOK AT I HAD HAND.
HE WAS LIKE, "DADDY, THIS DOESN'T LOOK YELLOW TO ME."
I SAID, "YES, I KNOW, BUT THIS IS AMERICA AND EVERYBODY HAS TO
HAVE A COLOR, AND THAT'S THE COLOR THEY GAVE US.
YOU BETTER DEAL WITH IT."
( LAUGHTER )
THOUGH.
NOBODY IN AMERICA, ESPECIALLY A PERSON OF COLOR, IS EXACTLY THE
COLOR THEY ARE ASSIGNED, YOU KNOW.
LIKE, THIS IS NOT EXACTLY YELLOW.
IT'S KIND OF BROWN.
A BLACK PERSON IS NOT EXACTLY BLACK.
THEY'RE KIND OF BROWN.
SO WE'RE PRETTY MUCH ALL DIFFERENT SHADES OF MEXICANS.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS )
FEEL LEFT OUT.
I HAVE A LOT OF THINGS IN COMMON WITH WHITE GUYS.
FOR EXAMPLE, I HAVE AN ASIAN WIFE.
( LAUGHTER )
THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANKS.
THANKS A LOT.
>> Stephen: JOE WONG, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.