Isn’t it the case we should always stay true to ourselves?
Which means that we ought to know who we are, and organize our lives in ways that are compatible
with our personalities?
When we look for a partner, for example, we look for someone that we’re compatible with,
and in regards to education and work, we need to do something that fits our characteristics.
However, "not knowing who we are" seems to be a problem.
But luckily, this problem can be solved by taking a personality test, by talking to a
counselor, or perhaps by going on a long solo-trip around the world to (quote on quote) “find ourselves”.
Because, after all, our true selves lie somewhere hidden deep within.
Right?
Well, according to Michael Puett, Harvard professor of Chinese History and author of
the book The Path, this way of thinking is extremely limited and even dangerous when
it comes to how we live our lives.
In Chinese philosophy, there’s no fixed ‘self’ the way we see it in the Western
world.
Who we are, and what we could become is much more tangible, than a fixed set of characteristics
that define a personality.
This Eastern ‘self’ is always evolving, changing, losing, and gaining, and isn’t
so much defined by what’s within, but by what we do.
So, it cannot be found, but it can be cultivated.
Self-cultivation is a psychological process that’s part of the ancient Chinese system
of thought called Confucianism.
Its founder, Confucius, firmly believed in the power of ritual, and how it can make our
lives better.
The word ‘ritual’ may sound a little bit old-fashioned, and intended for either religious
people or those who are indoctrinated by some kind of ideology.
But the power of ritual is vastly underestimated.
Confucius realized that rituals and ceremonies are actually forms of social cement.
Their transformative nature not only shapes societies; it also shapes ourselves.
Therefore, engaging in certain behaviors in a disciplined manner - simple things like
morning rituals, habits, exercises - can bring about incredible change, way beyond our limiting
beliefs that unfortunately dictate the lives of many.
This video explores the art of becoming better, based on the teachings of Confucius.
Confucius was a philosopher and politician in ancient China, born in the 6th century
BC in the vassal state of Lu.
Because of his dissatisfaction with the ruling aristocrats, he created a way of life and
governance that later became known as Confucianism.
The Confucian teachings which would later determine the lives of millions of people,
and are still more than relevant in modern-day China.
Confucius emphasized morality, order, and respect, and is geared toward social harmony,
which can be achieved through traditions, ceremonies, and, of course, rituals.
Here, we see a fundamental difference between Confucianism and its counterpart Taoism.
Taoist sage Zhuangzi, for example, pleaded against these artificial ways of living, that
will only disturb the natural course of things.
A Taoist embraces our natural state and approaches life conformable to the flow of nature, with
minimal interference.
A Confucianist, however, acknowledges our inborn natural state, but sees us, humans,
as diamonds in the rough; as agents of great potential.
Because through practice and training, we can become better, more skilled at life, more
integrated, more virtuous.
Self-cultivation is about enhancing and perfecting how we act, and relate to each other, which
can bring about tremendous positive change on a personal as well as a communal level.
So, how does this self-cultivation work?
To understand this, we first need to understand the ‘self’.
With the help of personality tests, counselors, and self-help books we seem to have totally
figured out ‘who we are’.
Some people even fetishize their newly-found personality type as they fully identify themselves
with it, to a point that they cling to it.
Unfortunately, this enchains them to a very limited view of who they are.
Michael Puett is very clear about one aspect of modern Western civilization.
He stated that the way we think about the self is wrong.
As opposed to existing beliefs, the Chinese view the self as a fragmented non-fixed phenomenon.
It’s not something we can find if we go within.
Instead, Puett describes the self as a mess.
Thus, we’re all a bunch of messes, meaning, that what we perceive as the ‘self’ is
a gathering of decentralized manifestations like emotions, thoughts, and many other sensations.
We could compare it to a Buddhist concept called anatta, which means “no self”.
Being a mess may seem like a bad thing, but it’s actually very liberating.
Usually, people believe that who they are is, more or less, unchangeable.
“This is just who I am,” one could say when reflecting on the fact that he or she
is easily angry.
Having a short fuse, in this case, is seen as part of a personality or, in some cases,
as part of culture.
But this view is very limited.
It’s even potentially dangerous to believe that certain behavioral patterns cannot be
changed, as we keep finding ourselves in the same destructive situations over and over
again, like abusive relationships, substance abuse, or criminal activities that land us
in prison.
Why?
Because we believe that we can’t change things for the better.
In the age of individualism, we might think that we’re free because we refuse to follow
conventions, distance ourselves from collectivism, and don’t engage in these ridiculous old-fashioned
ritual practices.
No, we’re liberated.
We’re free to be our authentic selves.
But the danger of taking such a stance is that we become rigid in regards to who we are.
We might find ourselves becoming eccentric to such a degree that the world becomes alien,
and even hostile to us, and vice versa.
And we might forget that, for a great part, this condition is a choice - not a condemnation.
What we think we are is always changing, evolving, reacting to outside circumstances.
This makes us far more malleable than we think.
Self-cultivation is the art of using this malleability to our advantage, so we stop
focusing on who we are, but instead, on what we can become.
Now, how does this work?
Self-cultivation can be used to enhance and perfect ourselves in ways that improve the
quality of life.
In Confucianism, we basically ought to cultivate ourselves into better people in regard to virtue.
But the essence of ‘cultivation’ can work in any direction, meaning that we can also
cultivate bad habits.
But let’s assume that we all have the same goal: a state of flourishing.
In that case, context is important.
It requires a sensitivity for which behaviors optimally fit certain circumstances.
Eventually, we might find out that our current behavior is getting us nowhere.
So, we decide to change it.
We decide to become better.
But how?
Well, it’s essential to realize that we’re basically a bundle of patterns.
Oftentimes, we aren’t even aware of these patterns and how they keep us from looking
beyond our possibilities.
As Puett stated: “Our habits limit what we can see, access, sense, and know.”
So it’s almost impossible to change unless we apply the cure... ritual.
Now, what characterizes rituals is that we momentarily break with the mundane, or, with
our “normal” state.
We experience an immediate interruption of our existing patterns and adopt new ones,
even if it’s just for a brief moment.
However, as Confucius realized, engaging in these rituals periodically will result in
long term changes over time.
Let’s take a look at the Remembrance of the Dead, for example, which is a Dutch ritual
held annually on the 4th of May.
The goal of this ritual is to commemorate all civilians and members of the armed forces
of the Kingdom of the Netherlands, who’ve died in wars or peacekeeping missions since
the beginning of the Second World War.
During this civil ritual, not only Dam Square in Amsterdam, but also Dutch living rooms,
public spaces, cars, restaurants, shops, and work environments transform into momentary
ritual spaces.
The heart of the ceremony is two minutes of silence, which is then followed by the national anthem.
For participants, this ritual breaks with their everyday lives.
By taking part in it, we temporarily let go of our usual behavior and take on a role:
that of a Dutch citizen, who’s deeply connected with a collective past, and to Dutch identity
with all its values and beliefs, like liberty and tolerance.
Now, this is where the magic happens: according to annual research this ritual as a whole,
and the emotions and thoughts that are involved, evokes feelings of solidarity and connectedness.
It basically helps to keep the Dutch, Dutch.
So, for a community, ritual not only functions as social cement; it also changes its members
psychologically.
Confucius realized this more than 2,500 years ago.
Hence, his teachings emphasize the importance of ritual.
But how can we use this mechanism to better ourselves; especially when we don’t live
in a ritualistic community?
When Confucius entered the Grand Temple, he asked about everything.
Someone said, “Who said Confucius is a master of ritual?
He enters the Grand Temple and asks about everything!”
Confucius, hearing this, said, “This is the ritual.”
End quote.
In an individualistic society, existing conventions can be ritualized.
Drinking our morning tea, or having a short chat with the cashier of our local supermarket
every Saturday morning can be rituals.
For self-cultivation, we need rituals that are transformative, meaning that they break
existing patterns, again and again, which brings about gradual change.
Let’s say, you’re considered a negative, cynical person.
If you’d engage in any conversation, you’ll most likely come across as ‘bitter’.
Chances are that people don’t like to converse with you for that reason, which leads to loneliness
and resentment.
Now, you could say stubbornly: “Well, this is who I am.
I’m authentic.
People should accept me for who I am.”
However, the issue with this attitude is that, according to the Chinese view, this is not
who you inherently are.
You can change by breaking these patterns through self-cultivation.
This means that you need to perform rituals that create what Puett calls “as if” moments,
in which we purposefully act differently.
This is also known as “fake-it-till-you-make-it”.
Instead of being authentically miserable, we could repeatedly and consequently be inauthentically joyful.
Over time, we’ll discover that being joyous becomes a characteristic.
The same goes for talking to people we find attractive.
We may identify as ‘shy’, but when we decide to act confidently - as if we are,
temporarily, ‘a different person’ - this behavior will eventually become habitual.
So, isn’t that liberating?
Instead of being enchained to a certain personality, we are able to change ourselves by changing
our behaviors.
Fears can be overcome, a-holes can become pleasant and kind, and destructive relationships
can turn into flourishing beacons of joy.
Of course, self-cultivation takes work.
Life is like playing a musical instrument; if we keep practicing, we become better at it.
But if we stop, our skill will deteriorate.
So we need to continually finetune and change our patterns for the better.
So, at the end of the day, what self-cultivation comes down to is this: be the change that
you want to see.
In this case: in yourself.
Thank you for watching.