♪♪
-Hey!
[ Laughs ]
[ Laughter ]
It's time for "Corrections."
We'll just jump right into it, you guys.
We had a joke in "A Closer Look" about a note,
the sort of note you would pass in high school,
and we spelled "later" L-8-- the number 8 -- T-E-R.
Many of you pointed out you wouldn't need the "T,"
'cause the 8 has a "T" in it.
It would be L-8-E-R, would be the correct way to spell that.
A lot of you said that.
We have learned our lesson,
and, you know,
just a reminder to anyone who wants to be that nit-picky,
you can go 8 a bag of 6.
Is that right?
[ Laughter ]
There's no sailor in the Village People,
but this is a weird gray area
because we only said it as Donald Trump,
and I do think Donald Trump would think there was a sailor
in the Village People because of the song "In the Navy."
He would hear that and then just assume
that maybe all of them were also sailors,
as sort of a second job.
People can have two jobs.
Also, someone wrote, according to the cop --
this is something a jackal wrote --
according to the cop, "YMCA" is just about the YMCA.
Which is probably what, you know, they told him
because he was the cop.
[ Laughter ]
You know he said, "Hey, guys, before we record this,
I just want to make sure...
there's no subtext to this, right?
'Cause, you know, I got a lot of friends on the force."
Also, it's crazy.
So nice to be a Republican,
because Trump just walks out
to gay anthems all the time,
knowing he's just safe from criticism.
No Democratic politician would risk
walking out to "YMCA" or "Macho Man."
They would think they'd get attacked on Fox News
for -- for weeks!
He's got the -- Donald Trump's got the same playlist
as a Pride parade.
[ Laughter ]
Just walking out -- ♪ I'm coming out ♪
[ Laughs ]
[As Trump] I think I walk out to "Born This Way,"
then I talk about how the American family is under attack,
and then I exit to "It's Raining Men."
[Normal voice] We made a joke about a Prius,
but in the graphic it was a Subaru Outback.
So of course, I went down to Graphics and I said,
"Do you guys know I wanted a Prius
and you gave me an Outback?" And they said,
"Ohh, noooo.
Are you gonna take us out back?"
[ Muttering ]
Christ.
We mentioned a law firm in the Vatican,
a commercial for a law firm in the Vatican
where you dial 1-800.
And it was pointed out that the country code in the Vatican
is 379.
So you would have to dial 379
if you wanted to call a lawyer in the Vatican.
And this is interesting.
All the attorneys in the Vatican are defense attorneys.
[ Laughter ]
Okay.
So, this was something that was sent in...
And this is very hard for me to read.
Because I don't wear glasses.
Oh, there it is. Okay.
So...
We were talking about how I mixed up Michelangelo
and Da Vinci, and I sort of said, "Yeah,
but without their bandanas, how can you tell them apart?"
And someone said, "You said you couldn't tell them apart
without their bandanas.
I get that this is a joke about the Ninja Turtles.
However, there is no Da Vinci Ninja Turtle.
Only a Leonardo. So the joke falls apart there."
I would argue
it fell apart far earlier.
[ Laughter ]
Let's see.
Oh, so we talked about Edvard -- I said "Moonch."
It's pronounced Edvard "Monk."
Edvard Munch. It's a "K" sound.
And...
And then I did some reading about Edvard Munch.
He went to the Royal School of Art and Design in Norway.
He studied in Paris and Berlin.
He suffered from OCD,
which was very -- which actually made him
very helpful to the local police department
that would go to him for his help solving crimes.
They would say, "Get me Munch."
[ Light laughter ]
He was never married.
Never married, and had a girlfriend.
And when he showed her -- it was a heartbreaking story.
When he showed her...
[ Laughs ]
When he showed her The Scream, you know, she just looked at it
and said -- [ Laughs ]
She goes, "Oh, so you're the biggest --
You're the -- Ohh --
[ Laughs ]
She's like, "Oh, you're the most famous Norwegian painter?"
♪ That don't impress me, Munch ♪
[ Laughter ]
There was a musical about his life.
[ Laughing ] It's...
It's true, there was a musical about his life.
Came out recently. This is true.
Called "Dear Edvard."
And critics say -- critics said,
"If you meant to buy a ticket for 'Dear Evan Hansen,'
this is the worst possible outcome."
[ Light laughter ]
"Oh, so much screaming."
I told a joke about cats with arthritis,
how there was a new treatment for cats with arthritis,
which replaced the old treatment
of a brick in a burlap sack.
A lot of cat lovers
were in the comments section and very upset.
One went so far to say, "Can you even imagine?
Can you imagine telling that joke about a dog?"
And I would never do that.
You know, because people like dogs.
[ Laughter ]
We said if there was -- if there had been voter fraud in Vermont,
Rudy would have done a press conference
at Burlington Coat Factory.
I was told it's Burlington Township, New Jersey,
is why it's the Burlington Coat Factory.
But I think Rudy -- again, artistic license.
I don't think Rudy knows that.
So I think we can get away with that one.
We also, though, talked about Rudy breaking into...
...the Shawshank prison, that he would do the reverse.
Andy Dufresne would break out, and Rudy would break in,
and he would be happy because there would be,
you know, a bed and a toilet
and a poster of Rita Hayworth.
Again, multiple jackals pointed out that
when Andy Dufresne escaped, it wasn't a Rita Hayworth poster,
it was a Raquel Welch poster.
And one person who said that followed up by saying,
"I guess you could say what I've just given you
is a Shawshank correction."
Leave it to the professionals, guys.
[ Laughter ]
Because that...
don't impress me Munch.
[ Laughs ]
Oh, so last week's correction, I talked about a mistake I made,
how I said...
I referred to someone as a Chewbacca.
Chewbacca is the name. Wookie is the species.
And then right after that, right after I clarified that,
I referred to a vampire as a Dracula.
And many of you said, "Dude, you just made
the same mistake twice.
The mistake you just corrected, you did again."
It's almost like I did it on purpose.
[ Light laughter ]
Oh, we had a joke about --
there was a tree named after Leo DiCaprio,
and then we said it's now dating a sapling.
And we put up a picture, but the picture was a seedling,
and I wanted to apologize and I said I wanted to apologize
to all the tree enthusiast-- tree enthusiasts.
And I was told that a word for tree enthusiasts
is a dendrophile.
And if you like seedlings, it's pendrophile.
[ Laughter ]
And if you want to -- if you are a pendrophile,
who's looking to talk to some, you know, like-minded people
just -- you want to pick up the phone.
It's, uh, country code 379.
[ Laughter ]
Did a joke about the Olive Garden
and said, "When you're here, you're family."
That's not Olive Garden's slogan anymore.
Shoemaker, do you know whose slogan it is now?
Jimmy Fallon got the rights to that slogan.
Do you even remember that?
He got the rights to it. They stopped using it.
The Olive Garden stopped using it.
Fallon reached out, said, "Can we use it?"
And they gave it to him, in 2013.
And so at first I was like,
well, I never got my own slogan, you know, from a restaurant.
But, you know, he's "The Tonight Show,"
and we're "Late Night," but then I did the math --
that was when he had "Late Night."
So, you know, I marched up to the brass.
You know I don't mind talking to the brass
when I feel as though I've been slighted.
And I said, you know, "I want one."
So, you know.
That's -- The problem, though, of course,
is then you can't be picky when they get you one.
But we do have a new slogan.
And you'll see it the next time you see a promo.
If you see like a promo of ours in "SNL"
this week after "Update,"
probably right before good nights, maybe...
It'll say, you know, it'll say my guests and whatever,
and it'll say, you know, watch this week
on "Late Night with Seth Meyers,"
no one out-pizzas the Hut.
[ Laughter ]
I can't be picky.
They said it could've been worse.
I guess the other option was, "We speak fish."
It's Long -- [ Laughs ]
It's Long John S-- [ Laughs ]
That's Long -- [ Laughs ]
Thomas Jefferson.
We talked about Thomas Jefferson and inventions.
I said he invented the polygraph,
which was when you --
It wasn't a lie detector, but it's two pens attached
so that when you -- you write in duplicate.
I guess pantagraph is technically
how you would say that.
And you know, when you look up-- 'cause I did, you know,
I try to do my research before "Corrections"
'cause obviously I take it deeply seriously.
And a lot of -- some people say Thomas Jefferson
invented the dumbwaiter or the pedometer,
but the more you read, the more you realize
he just, like, went -- they had those things in France
and then he came back and was like,
"Look what I invented," but he just like, bought it there.
Which sounds like something. That does sound like something.
Like, we all respect Thomas Jefferson so much,
but that is definitely a thing you would think
that Trump would have done, just like gone abroad
and, like, come back...
Like, gone to the Middle East and been like --
[As Trump] I've got a new bread.
It's a circular flatbread.
It's a pouch.
[Normal voice] Also, one thing he brought from Naples --
it was purchased for Thomas Jefferson in Naples,
or as Shoemaker says -- [Italian accent] "Napoli."
[ Laughs ]
[ Gibberish ]
[Normal voice] It was a macaroni machine,
and a lot of people say that
Thomas Jefferson popularized macaroni and cheese
in the United States because he got from Naples
this macaroni machine.
But, again, he did not invent macaroni and cheese.
I think his best -- I think we can all agree
Thomas Jefferson's best invention
was when he had to invent an excuse
for why Sally Hemings' kids had his eyes.
[ Laughter ]
'Cause Martha walked in and was like,
"I have a question."
He was like, "I have two questions --
Do you like macaroni and cheese?"
[ Laughter ]
Well, I feel like this was really fun.
And, you know...
I really wanted to do the "that don't impress me Munch" thing
when I thought it was "Munch."
I think it would've gone better.
But I also wanted to get it right.
Um...alright.
[ Sighs ]
[ Laughs ]
Bye. [ Laughs ]