-Our next guest can be seen at the Dead Crow Comedy Room
in Wilmington, North Carolina,
this Friday and Saturday. Making her "Tonight Show" debut,
please welcome the very funny Sophie Buddle.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
-Hey. Hello. Thank you so much.
Hi, everybody. I'm really happy to be here.
I'm happy to be in the country. I'm Canadian. I just --
[ Cheers and applause ] Oh, Canadian?
Or you just love peace?
[ Laughter ]
Fan of peacefulness. That's cool.
Yeah. I'm Canadian. I moved to America this year.
I wanted to see it before it ends.
[ Laughter ]
Just sort of a bucket list thing for me.
[ Laughter ]
And I moved to L.A.
I moved to Los Angeles, which is --
It's what you think it's like. it's weird, right?
Like, the people there are weird. I've never met people
who actually say stuff out loud in real life before.
Like, "Do you know who my father is?"
[ Laughter ]
And to be honest with you, I do also say that,
but only because my dad
hasn't really opened up to me like that.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
I'm just trying to see if he talked to anybody else.
[ Laughter ]
I will be honest with you. This was not my dream.
No offense, Jim. [ Laughter ]
You have a lovely home and many root.
[ Laughter ]
So many root. But this was not my dream.
This is not what I wanted for myself. When I was little,
I really was hoping that I was going to become a spy.
[ Laughter ]
It didn't work out for me.
I stand on stage.
I tell secrets into a microphone,
so it's not really what they're looking for right now.
But I remember just being a little kid
and staying up late at night and being like,
"I hope when I grow up, I'm hot enough to be a spy."
[ Laughter ]
Because I just want to be the best spy I could be.
And we all know from movies and TV shows,
the best spies are hot.
And they did a somersault and they're wearing leather.
And you're like, "That's impossible. That's amazing.
[ Laughter ]
Still got it.
So I thought you had to be hot to be a spy.
But I actually realized as an adult woman,
you would make a much more effective spy
if you're really frumpy-looking because if you're all hot
and you're trying to break into some big organization,
you're going to get there and the security guard
is going to have so many questions for you.
"How's it going?" Like, grilling her.
But if you're all frumpy and you show up and you're like,
"I have to do this paperwork," he's like, "Ew, fine. Go."
[ Laughter ]
"Get in the vault. Hurry."
[ Laughter ]
Nobody's more invisible in our society than like
an average-looking woman.
And if that's offensive to you, I can't see you.
[ Laughter and applause ]
But I still do try to make spy stuff
happen in my life as an adult.
Like, I go through my boyfriend's phone.
[ Laughter ]
And then I do a somersault. Wah!
[ Laughter ]
But for real, the spy thing that I think is really cool
that nobody really gives credit
to is the facial recognition technology on our phones.
It's awesome. It's spy stuff, right?
You hold your phone up to your face
and it scans your face or something and that opens up
and you can just hold up your boyfriend's phone
to his face when he's sleeping, obviously.
[ Laughter ]
You just hold it up. [ Laughter ]
It feels like an oversight.
[ Laughter ]
Sometimes you do have to open up their eyelids a little bit, but.
[ Laughter ]
It's like, "Oh, you're dreaming."
[ Laughter ]
"Go back to sleep."
But I do actually think
this facial recognition technology is really cool,
but it has a really bad reputation.
Like, whenever you look into it, everyone's always like,
"Ooh, you know the government's actually using this
to look at us. Ooh, the government's using that.
Government's not going to get my face."
And it's like it's always guys that are freaking out
about the government watching us and I don't care.
[ Laughter ]
Girls don't care.
And I think the reason that is, is we're used to being looked at
when we don't want to be looked at.
That's just part of our lives.
But it's apparently never happened to a man,
even one time, once.
[ Laughter ]
They're freaking out. The government's --
They're making a documentary.
They're writing a novel. They can't believe it.
"The government is looking at me."
And so I think what the government should do
is I think the government should like put out a statement
to these guys just being like, "Smile, gorgeous."
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
"Take the compliment, babe."
Like, you know, when we get all covered up in public
so nobody harasses us in public? That's the same as when guys
put a little piece of tape on their webcam.
I just wish it was that easy for us.
If a guy's looking at you and you feel uncomfortable,
you should be allowed to go up to him
and put a little bit of tape on his eyes.
Okay, I'm Sophie Buddle. Thank you so much.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Oh, my goodness. Thank you so much.
Sophie Buddle!
[ Cheers and applause ]
See Sophie this Friday
and Saturday at the Dead Crow Comedy Room
in Wilmington, North Carolina.
We'll be right back, everybody.