Because if we take a careful look at the problems that we are facing now across
the globe many parents are not fit to be parents. really many people have married and they
still have a lot of rectification and suddenly they have children. they themselves who need to guide the
children need guidance. that is what we are faced with nowadays. you have
parents who have suddenly become parents but they don't know what parenthood is all about, because the responsibility
that comes with a child is very great and they think it's a joke
and in order to address this we need to go a little bit deeper to resolve the
matters and to between the children and the parents and to try and give the
children the best of upbringing we need to know that the husband and wife
themselves need to have a sense of responsibility and that sense of
maturity and responsibility will only come when you are disciplined, when you
are strict on yourself, so many times you have young boys I'm not so sure of the
girls but I can talk for the boys. you have young boys who have their friends
they sit with their friends up to 12:00 at night and 2:00 in the morning. then a few years later they get married and
when they get married they still find themselves making the same time for
their friends. that is prohibited completely, prohibited. how can a person, how can a person who has now taken
somebody's daughter still give preference to his friends over his own
wife and this is a sickness that many people
are guilty of the time that you spend with your spouse is an act of worship in Islam. the time that you spend with your
family members is an act of worship in Islam. so many people give preference to
their businesses over their family members. many people just sit and give preference to a newspaper over their
family members. it's a fact. the man comes home from work he is tired. he does not
speak to anyone. he sits down. he wants to eat his food. he has a temper and next
thing he is busy reading the paper or he literally plans himself in front of the
television and he is watching television until late hours then he switches it
often goes to sleep. he hasn't spoken to his wife. he hasn't spoken to his
children. if any one of us here are guilty of that, today is the day you are
being told directly that that is a major sin, major sin. how can you give
preference to a television over real people, real people?
another problem is also the internet; many people give preference to the
Internet and spend hours every day until 2:00 and 3:00 in the morning laughing
and joking with the screen. if you want them to laugh really you've got to put a
screen in front of them, they will see what is known as emoticons. you know what
is an emoticon; those small little faces that you have on the screen, small
cartoon style faces, they look at someone who sent them an emoticon and they laugh.
but if you talk to them they will look at you and say hey I'm busy and I want
to give you an example of a very good friend of mine, one of my best friends,
very very highly educated and he was so intelligent he had 13 As at O-level and
four As at A-level. he was given a scholarship at the
University of Oxford. some years later I met him. I told him you know tell me what is Allah done with you, meaning you know
what has happened in your life? he tells me brother I gave up the internet. I said
that doesn't make sense. I asked him about himself and he's just
telling me I gave up the Internet. so I said what do you mean? he said that is
the biggest single achievement of my life and I was confused this was a
few years back when the internet was still something new. now, he told me he became a doctor. he actually became a
psychiatrist later. he specialized. he told me you know what happened to me I
was married and I was addicted to the internet and I was sitting with the
internet every day, every single day for 6 to 7 hours and I became a person whose
social life was the net. all my friends who were on the internet, all the
people I spoke to were on the Internet. I ate and mostly I even asked for the
plate of food to come in front of the screen. so I would eat whilst I'm busy
typing, whilst I'm busy looking and so on and he says I lost my wife, in the sense
that she left him. she deserted him after some time. why? because if you are not going to give due attention to your wife
who do you want her to get that from? that's a question. many people are guilty
of not spending lighter moments even with their own wives, where do they want
that wife to go and get that from? it is true and we need to talk about it. because so many women are suffering in
silence. it's a fact of life. they are too embarrassed to mention what is going on
and that is the beginning of the problem. imagine, the children that come out of
such a relationship what warped upbringing will they have? what type of a relation will there be
between parent and child, when the parent, parent relation is
nonexistent. so many people are guilty of not understanding that they have taken
someone's daughter with the name of Allah, when we are officiating a Nikah
you and I know that there are certain verses that are read. I'm sure you all
know those verses. all of those verses have the consciousness of Allah
mentioned in them and I feel and let's listen to this very carefully that the
most important verse is the third verse that is read
Oh you who believe
be conscious of your lord, be conscious of your Creator, be conscious of Allah
subhanahu wata'ala and only utter that which is upright, that which is straight,
that which is full of happiness ,that which is full of contentment, that which
is full of truthfulness, that which is away from falsehood, that which is away from deception, that which is not vulgar
at all, that is the meaning of the term .....means that which is
straight. it will result in all forms of goodness and it will keep you away from
all forms of bad and evil. why is this verse repeated when we are getting
married? can I inform you of one of the reasons? one of the reasons is that do
you know that ninety percent of your problems are caused by the tongue?
ninety percent of any human beings problems are caused by the tongue. so
Allah is saying watch out, be careful how you use that tongue of yours especially in
marriage? the question I have, how many of us utter words to make our spouses feel
good? how many of us utter words to put a smile on the faces of our spouses on a
daily basis? I think a lot of us are guilty of never doing that or doing it
very little. every single day it would be an act of worship for myself and
yourselves to say a few words to make your spouse smile, both male and female,
an act of worship. if we don't do that we will have a hollow Society. outwardly
everything seems to be okay, inside nothing is okay and people are suffering
in silence. why do we need people to suffer in silence? we don't. no one needs
to suffer.
Daughters are so special that when a male marries a female, he is reminded
constantly that who you have married is the special child of someone, dear to
someone. so we tell the husbands that when you look at your wife don't just
look at her as your wife. that's not the only title she has. she had a title
before that which was more dear and more valuable. what was it?
she's the daughter of so-and-so. she also has her own family that loves her and
respects her. so do not disrespect her, do not abuse her like they say don't make
her cry and when my wife cries I always tell her I'm supposed to... I'm not
supposed to allow you to cry. she says I cry out of joy, mashallah, okay. that's
good. that's a good sign. so if you're crying out of joy and happiness and
Ahamduillah, but if you're crying out of you know
sadness ,you stuck, there's no way forward... wallahi, Allah has heard the cry of a
wife and a daughter. if you take a look at Surah Al-Mujadilah
named after a woman who came through in order to present her case to Muhammad
sallallaahu Salaam where the husband became disinterested in her. listen to
this and in sha Allah I will end on this note, I tell you very interestingly there was
a woman known as Khawla Bint Thalabah RA, so what happened to her is she was married and mashallah
you know a pretty beautiful woman, next thing expecting she has a child and when
you have a child what happens? subhanAllah, people forget that you've
now borne children, you've graduated into a new level of you know motherhood now and so on. you will not be
the same girl you used to be 20 years back. things have to change, perhaps you
may change in so many ways you become wiser and perhaps you may even become a
little bit heavier. may allah subhanahu wa ta ala grant us ease. she complained because
her husband started losing interest or showed disinterested he was not
interested and he started saying whenever she was trying to get his attention he would say you just like
my mother. it's okay you know you just like a
mother ..., just like my sister and so on.
she went to Mohammed (saw) crying, weeping, complaining... what do i do?
this man is saying this to me. he refuses to touch me and at the same time he is the one who impregnated me, he gave
me the children. he is the one who did this this. when i married him i was
in tip-top shape and so on. my mothers and sisters I just want to pause for a
moment to tell you that that does not mean that when you have given birth you
should just lose yourself. no, go back you will be able to retain a lot if you work
on it. may Allah Subhanahu WA Ta'ala help us, whether there are sit-ups, leg ups
whatever you want to call them, they work. trust me they actually work, dedicatedly. so don't use a hadith in order for you
to throw yourself. you know to the side, no, work on it. you will feel good by the
will of Allah. like I said do it for the right reasons. going back to this
narration. so as she's complaining do you know what happened? the prophet (saw) obviously, it's a
difficult situation, what do you say? you need to convince the man. verses were revealed....
indeed Allah has heard the argument of the woman who has come to
you complaining to Allah subhanahu wata'ala, Allah has heard it and then He gives the response and it's a long set of
verses where Allah speaks of the punishment of those who say those type
of statements and how special and important the woman is. you don't say these words. so may Allah subhanahu
wa'ta'ala help us to make the correct decisions in life.