Last week, I answered a difficult coaching email from one of my clients.
He asked me whether his marriage was worth saving.
He and his wife were married for 6 years and had a child together.
Things had been sour in their marriage for over a year and a half, and this client tol
me that they were on the brink of divorce… he said they’ve tried almost everything
too – you know, stuff like marriage counselling, couples retreats, and even team building exercises.
Now, he had just signed up for my online coaching program and I’ll be working with him closely
over the next couple months, but at this point, this client is broken and almost ready to
give up.
Does his situation sound familiar to you?
Is your marriage worth saving or should you and your partner give up?
In this video, I’ll do my best to answer this very difficult question.
Hi, my name’s Brad Browning and I’m a marriage expert from Vancouver, Canada.
I’m widely regarded as one of the best relationship and marriage coaches in the world, and I’ve
helped thousands and thousands of people mend their broken relationships and marriages.
Now, on to the topic of whether you should save your marriage…
It’s true that there are many, many benefits to staying married.
Research has proven that married people are generally happier, more successful, and even
healthier than non-married people.
And it’s also true that it’s much easier raising children when two partners are committed
to the marriage.
However, some marriages are so toxic that the only way to stop the bleeding is to call
it quits… and in some very rare cases, I do advocate ending a marriage if things seem
unsalvageable.
However, most cases CAN be helped, and I’ll go over some of the ways you can improve your
situation later on in this video.
But if you’re seriously considering calling it quits, then there are some questions that
you need to answer before moving forward… and in the next few minutes, I’ll go over
some of these questions.
As I go along, I recommend taking a piece of paper and writing down a few notes.
It may help you make a list of the pros and cons of whatever decision you make down the
road, and it will help you keep track of things that you may need to work on if you decide
your marriage is worth saving.
Alternatively, you can also take the free quiz tool that I recently developed.
This tool will roughly determine whether your marriage is worth saving or not based on several
important marital factors.
This quiz only takes a few minutes long, and best of all, it’s free!
To take this free quiz, head on over to MarriageGuy.com/quiz - that’s MarriageGuy.com/quiz and I’ll
post that link in the description box below.
Now...keep in mind that the following issues CAN be fixed with enough effort and time – again,
I strongly believe that the vast majority of marriages can be saved with the proper
action.
So if anything, this list will encourage you to exhaust all possible actions before you
decide to throw in the towel.
The first question that you need to answer is…
“Are you and your spouse still friends?”
I always say that being in a marriage is like being on a team.
In all my client cases, one of my main objectives is to help both spouses create a “WE”
mentality as opposed to a “ME” mentality… and one of the best ways to cultivate this
mentality is by building an incredibly strong friendship.
Building a strong marriage can be about romance, yes, but without the feeling of camaraderie
and support, a marriage is doomed.
And at the end of the day, you need to ask yourself if you’re willing to support your
spouse no matter what.
If they’re having a bad day at work, do you try and cheer your spouse up?
And on the flip side, does he or she provide you with support when things aren’t going
your way?
Do you still share laughs with your spouse?
Do you two still have fun from time to time?
Right now, these sorts of questions can be difficult to answer especially if your marriage
is hanging by a thread… but try and think about the last time you and your spouse shared
a friendly interaction with one another.
If it’s been months or years, then chances are getting out of that hole may be more trouble
than it’s worth.
The second question you need to consider is, “Do you and your spouse still have chemistry?”
Of course, it’s normal for chemistry to wane over time.
It’s unlikely that a couple will be having sex every single day after 20 years of marriage,
so you need to set reasonable expectations in this regard.
In some cases, it’s normal that some couples only have sex once a month or less, and that’s
fine as well.
There’s no magical number when it comes to how much sex you and your spouse should
be having since every marriage is different, but you need to be honest with yourself and
ask whether you’re happy with the level of intimacy your marriage is bringing you.
Do you wish you and your spouse cuddled more?
Do you wish you kissed each other more?
Do you want sex much, much more than your spouse does or vice versa?
Again, these questions are difficult to answer if your marriage is on the rocks, but if you
and your partner are constantly at odds when it comes to your sex life and it’s driving
your crazy, then you have to consider this fact moving forward.
The third question you need to address is, “Are you still comfortable with your spouse?”
Studies have shown that the number one and two reasons why happily married couples stay
together is because of KINDNESS and GENEROSITY.
These traits are important when creating a comfortable environment for you and your spouse.
Nobody wants to constantly be stressed, angry, frustrated, or on edge all the time when they’re
around their spouse – these sorts of characteristics are often the leading indicators of why marriages
falls apart.
So consider how you feel when you and your spouse are together in the same room.
Do you feel like you’re walking on egg shells all the time?
Are you scared of interacting with your spouse for fear that he or she will lash out at you?
Do YOU fear you’ll lash out at your spouse?
If you aren’t comfortable with your spouse anymore (and it’s been awhile since you’ve
felt that sort of comfort), then it may be a strong indicator that you and your spouse
just aren’t meant to be.
But again, like I said in the beginning of this video, an issue like this CAN be fixed.
For example, in my Mend The Marriage online program, I share little psychological tips
and tricks that you employ right now to help you and your spouse create a more comfortable,
caring marriage… and these little tricks are things you can do ON YOUR OWN – without
your spouse’s help right now.
If you’re interesting in learning more about these tips and tricks, then I encourage you
to head over to my website, MarriageGuy.com and watch the free video presentation there.
In that free video, I’ll share with you the top 3 psychological strategies that will
help you rebuild your broken relationship from the ground up – and again, you’ll
be able to do it on your own and without your spouse’s help.
So please go to MarriageGuy.com right after watching this video.
The fourth question you need to address is, “Do you still share hobbies with your spouse?”
Over time, people change, and when two people change in a marriage, it can put a tremendous
strain on it.
For example, a couple months ago, I coached a married couple that was going through what
I call a “Hobbitual Crisis” – for whatever reason, their interests drifted further apart
to the point where they couldn’t find anything in common.
In this particular case, she liked to go hiking every weekend but he only wanted to watch
sports and Netflix.
Both parties weren’t willing to compromise either… which only made matters worse!
Eventually, I was able to help them work through their differences and save their marriage,
but if you strongly believe that you can’t find any mutual interests with your partner,
then maybe continuing your marriage isn’t the best option.
The final most important question you need to answer is, “Have you tried everything
to save your marriage?”
Marriage counselling can help.
A good marriage counsellor has the ability to fix all the problems that I’ve listed
above, but marriage counselling IS pricey.
In fact, some marriage counsellors charge hundreds of dollars for one appointment – this
alone makes marriage counselling a difficult option to consider.
Not only that, but you have to convince your spouse to attend counselling, and some of
you out there watching this video may be beyond that point already.
There is, however, another option.
You could invest in my Mend The Marriage program right now.
Mend The Marriage is an online course designed to help ailing couples work through their
marital issues and build a NEW marriage that’s infused with more passion, connection, and
romance than ever before.
It’s something that I’ve been working on like a mad man for the past few years,
and I’m proud to say that it’s already helped thousands of married couples.
Better yet, you won’t have to drop hundreds of dollars to start the program and you can
start RIGHT NOW, even if it’s 2 AM in the morning and you’re in your pajamas.
For more information on how you can start my Mend The Marriage program, please visit
MarriageGuy.com/buy.
That’s MarriageGuy.com/buy and you’ll learn a little bit more about what my Mend
The Marriage course has to offer.
Alternatively, you can invest in my personal coaching program where you can work one on
one with ME through e-mail.
So if you think you’re in a really unique situation, then head on over to MarriageGuy.com/coaching
to learn about how you can hire me as your own personal marriage expert.
Again, that URL is MarriageGuy.com/coaching.
It’s like having a marriage counsellor at your fingertips but for a fraction of the
price.
Now, what I’ve covered in this video so far are situations and issues that can be
fixed.
However, there are certain scenarios where saving your marriage might not be the best
idea at all.
The following MIGHT sound like it’s common sense to some people, but I can assure you
it is not.
The first situation where divorce might be necessary is when physical abuse is involved.
I knew a woman (let’s call her Taylor) that suffered domestic abuse for over 2 years.
Every weekend, her husband would come home drunk and beat her.
Sometimes, it was so severe that she had to be rushed to the hospital and lie about how
she “hurt herself”.
I told Taylor that she was in one of the worst marriages I have ever seen and I told her
immediately to file for divorce and a restraining order.
It surprisingly took me over a month to convince her to take action, but thankfully, she was
able to escape from her awful husband and life.
If Taylor’s situation sounds a lot like your situation, then leave.
It’s never worth trying to salvage such a destructive marriage.
The second situation in which I think divorce is necessary is when sexual abuse is involved.
This is similar to physical abuse, and if you’re in a marriage where sexual abuse
is involved, it is a pretty clear indicator that the marriage needs to end now.
No ifs, ands, or buts.
And finally, I strongly believe that situations in which serial infidelity is an issue are
grounds for immediate divorce.
I have seen couples go through marriages in which one partner has cheated over 40 times,
yet they somehow manage to stay together.
So if you’re in a marriage where affairs and infidelity are constant, then it’s time
to re-examine why you’re in the marriage in the first place and take the appropriate
actions to end it.
Now, I hope I answered at least a few of your questions in this short video.
However, if you’re still stumped for whatever reason, I’ve actually developed a free quiz
tool that determines whether your marriage is worth saving or not.
To take this short quiz, head over to MarriageGuy.com/quiz – it’s only a few questions long and at
the end, it’ll generate a score that will help you decide whether your marriage is worth
saving or not.
Again, that URL is MarriageGuy.com/quiz so head over there right now.
Thanks a lot for watching this video!
If you like it, then please hit the “SUBSCRIBE” button below to receive MORE videos like this
every week.
And as always, I appreciate the ‘likes’ and comments I get on all my videos, so keep
‘em coming!
Thanks a lot, see ya soon.