Hey everyone, and welcome to TopThink.
Today, we are going to learn about how to avoid embarrassing yourself in an argument.
Now, let’s begin.
1.
Stay on Topic What’s more frustrating than arguing with
someone who can’t stay on topic?
Amateur debaters make this mistake all the time.
They’re so focused on proving their opponent wrong… they derail the argument in all kinds
of crazy directions.
Let’s say you and your friend are arguing about something historical like... the Romans.
Your argument is that the Romans borrowed most of their artistic style from the Greeks…
but your friend thinks the opposite.
He says that the Romans were pioneers all on their own.
Obviously, you want to prove him wrong, so you do what any good debater would do.
You find some evidence.
You look up two statues, one Greek and one Roman, and you compare them side-by-side.
Sure enough, they look almost exactly the same.
So doesn’t that prove your point?
It’s a pretty strong argument.
And your friend probably knows that.
But he still wants to win.
So he might take the discussion in a completely different direction.
He might, for example, bring up how a Russian shuttle landed on the moon ten years before
the Apollo 11.
So does that mean the US didn’t accomplish anything, just because the Soviet Union got
there first?
On the surface, it’s not the worst comparison.
And, if you’re not paying attention, you just might fall for it.
But his new example doesn’t really prove his side of the argument.
All it really does is change the subject… which makes it pretty obvious that he’s
run of things to say.
My point is, even if you feel like you’re losing an argument, make sure you stay on
topic.
Not only will you avoid embarrassing yourself, you’ll also make the experience less frustrating
for everyone involved.
2.
Keep Cool The most pointless arguments can kick up a
lot of dust.
Anytime people butt heads over something that they’re passionate about, you can expect
things to get heated.
But that means you can also expect people to make mistakes.
The simple truth is that emotions make us reckless.
They are powerful tools, but your emotions have a huge influence over your behavior.
You might raise your voice.
Your language might get more aggressive and accusatory.
And you’re more likely to say things that you’ll regret.
So what’s the answer?
Obviously, the best thing you can do is to stay calm under pressure.
But it’s a lot harder than it sounds, especially when the argument starts to feel personal.
Even the best debaters in the world will get emotional when an argument hits too close
to home.
So what tricks can you use to keep yourself calm, cool, and collected?
Next time your feel yourself getting emotional, take a step back.
Not just mentally.
Physically remove yourself from the situation in some way.
Change where you’re sitting or standing.
Or take a second to get some water.
It doesn’t matter what you do as long as it disrupts the flow of the conversation.
Even a small change might be enough to snap you out of it.
Of course, you don’t always have the freedom to make a physical change.
In that case, something as simple as relaxing your posture can also keep you calm.
Don’t lean forward or make start waving your hands at your opponent.
Sit back in your chair.
Loosen your shoulders.
And keep your body from tensing up.
This relaxed posture will throw off your opponent, and stop your emotions from getting the best
of you.
3.
Admit You Don’t Know In the midst of an argument, the last thing
you want to do is admit defeat.
But confessing that “you don’t know” or that “you aren’t sure” can stop you
from making things a whole lot worse.
Imagine you’re arguing with someone about computers.
Maybe you’re debating whether or not macs are better than pcs.
You two have been going at it for a while, so naturally you starting to run out of points.
But your opponent isn’t slowing down anytime soon.
So you get desperate.
And, instead of giving in, you make something up.
In your head, it sounds like a good idea.
But, once the words come out of mouth, you immediately realize how foolish you sound.
But you can’t take it back now.
You can’t just pretend you didn’t say anything.
At this point, you basically have two choices.
You either admit that you made something up… or you stick to your guns.
Either way, there’s a pretty good chance that you end up embarrassing yourself.
So don’t set yourself up for failure.
Don’t sabotage you own argument.
If you’re out of things to say, it’s time to admit that you don’t know.
I know how frustrating that sounds, but it’s not nearly as bad as you think.
In fact, saying “I don’t know” usually brings the argument to a sudden, unexpected
conclusion.
It’s almost like saying, “we’ll just agree to disagree.”
Even if you didn’t win the argument, you managed to escape without embarrassing yourself.
And that’s not too shabby if you ask me.
4.
Let Them Finish During an argument, your mind is probably
moving a million miles per hour.
You’re thinking about new examples you can give.
Or discovering creative ways to prove your opponent wrong.
And, when your next great idea pops into your head, you can’t wait to let it loose on
the battlefield.
So you do something that countless debaters do on a regular basis.
Instead of waiting for your opponent to finish, you just start talking.
You interrupt, raise your voice, and expect your opponent to sit back and listen.
Sure, interrupting is a great way to get those swirling thoughts out of your brain.
But that’s about all it’s good for.
For starters, interrupting is just rude.
How can you expect your opponent to have a civilized discussion with you when you won’t
let them finish?
If you’re constantly bombarding them with new points, you’re not actually arguing
with them.
You’re just berating them.
And that means anyone, including your opponent, is going to have a hard time taking you seriously.
But that’s not the only reason to keep your mouth shut.
When you get in the habit of interrupting someone, you’re actually hurting your own
argument.
When you think of a new point, you should take a minute to digest that idea.
To see if it really fits with your argument.
But, when you interrupt, you’re just blurting things out.
You’re so focused on being heard that you’re not paying attention to the actual points
you’re making.
5.
Avoid Conversational Bullies Sometimes, you’ll get into an argument with
someone who is determined to make you look bad.
They might care more about proving you wrong than they do proving themselves right.
This type of person is called a conversational bully.
They’re the ones who frame you in the most negative light that they can think of.
The ones who twist your words and make it seem like you’re saying terrible things.
Conversational bullies will even attack your character just for having the opinions that
are different than theirs.
So how do you avoid embarrassing yourself when a bully starts tearing your argument
apart?
Well, the best thing you can do is avoid conflict.
Don’t raise your voice.
Don’t let them know that you’re getting emotional.
Or that they’re getting under your skin.
One particular technique that conversational bullies use trips up amateur debaters all
the time.
This technique is called “so you’re saying” and it’s actually pretty simple.
After you make a point, a bully would reframe your ideas in a way that sounds similar…
but significantly worse.
And, most of the time, people fall right into their trap.
They start floundering to defend their argument without realizing that this bully has changed
what they’re saying.
Then end up arguing for a skewed version of their original idea.
And may end up accidentally supporting things they don’t believe in.
So, if you run into someone who puts words in your mouth, don’t let them get the best
of you.
Simply tell that that they’re misrepresenting or oversimplifying what you’re saying.
Then calmly repeat yourself.
6.
Abandon Ship No matter how much you want to do the right
thing, an argument might devolve into a lose-lose situation.
You might have zero knowledge about the subject you’re arguing about.
Or maybe the person you’re arguing with is just trying to make you look bad.
If you get sucked into this kind of negative situation, don’t feel pressured to stick
around.
You don’t need to participate in an argument.
If you’re just going to walk away feeling embarrassed and annoyed, it’s not worth
your trouble.
So, instead of sinking along with the ship, get out early.
Don’t give your opponent the chance to bully you or throw your own opinions in your face.
Tell them you don’t want to argue and simply walk away.
If you do take this approach, remember to walk away at the very beginning.
The longer you sit there and argue, the harder it’ll be for you to leave.
Because ducking out in the middle of argument makes it look like you’re running away.
Even if you’re just trying to escape a bad situation, other people won’t see it that
way.
And your opponent is going to think they got the better of you.
So leave the room before the argument has a chance to get rolling.
If you can do that, then you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.
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