Anthony: Hey Mom I want to have a baby with you!
Anthony's mom: We have some important news we need to talk to you about.
Anthony's dad: It's pretty important. We wanna make sure we talk to you face to face.
Can you just tell me over the phone? I mean what's-
*Anthony's dad speaking*
Okay
My parents just called me and told me they have some news to share with me and
I don't know
I mean I just feel like there's never a time when your parents
Call you and won't tell you the news that they have for you over the phone and - and it ends up being good news
I mean am I adopted or...
*sighs*
*knocking*
Hey! Mom, dad, how are you guys, how are you doing? Hey, oh hey
So good to see you.
Hey
Mom, is everything okay?
Anthony's mom: Yeah, no, I'm fine.
Is it okay, mom?
Dad! Hey, good to see you, hey.
Hey, good to see you
Hey, good to- okay.
You know what? Let's- let's go sit down
Anthony: Sit do-? Can you tell me now?
Why, why are these people-?
Why do you always got this on?
It's not really the moment
Anthony: You know I do Youtube, you know I do Youtube!
Anthony's mom: Anthony...
Um...
I don't even know where to start.
Maybe we- Maybe we shouldn't even-
what are you, what are you
No, sweetheart sweetheart. We we have to do this
What is going on? You are-
You are scaring me, guys.
What is it?
Okay, look some things have- have come to light.
And we want to make sure that you understand.
Okay...
You always wondered why you developed so much slower than everybody else
He was healthier!
I grew up in a vegetarian household. I assumed, you know...
You don't eat meat, you're smaller.
You've had a wonderful 31 year old life up to this point, correct?
The truth is that you've actually had a
almost wonderful
21 year old life.
What? What?
There's been a mistake.
What are you..
We were cleaning out the drawers, we were getting rid of your stuff out of the bedroom. We came across your birth certificate.
Okay. I thought we lost that. I thought we didn't have-
Anthony's dad: No.
You found it?
I need you to look at the- the birthday
What?
I'm 20 years old?
Anthony's dad: You're a wonderful
accomplished well-rounded 20.
I was born in 97?
This is not real!
It is real. It's real look at it. It's real!
Son, do you realize that-
*slow mo* the bird and the bees
*chuckles*
Mother: Jesus Christ-
Father: You were nine.
Anthony: I don't- I don't know- I don't know what to think- I don't- I don't..
My whole life is a lie?
I guess?
I don't, I don't know, I don't know what..
Are you crying?
No!
No, Dad!
Mother: I told you it would upset him.
I'm not crying.
I need to, I need to call my best friend.
I need, I need to get him..
Mother: Best friend?
Father: Wait. Wait.
Mother:I thought you didn't have a best friend after the incident.
Anthony: Yo.
Tennessee: Hey, brother.
Anthony: What's up, man, what's up?
What's happening?
This is uh, this is Tennesee.
It's my best friend, Tennessee. This is my dad.
Tennessee, hello.
Where do you know my son from?
Well, video games.
We play.
Yeah, we shot- we shot some videos together, and, uh...
Basketball
You play basketball and video games?
Mother: You play basketball?
Yeah. So what's happening, buddy?
Yeah.
Mother: Wait a second. Wait, why did you invite him over?
This is a personal moment.
I know, mom. I just, look they just- just found out...
...I was born in, I was born in, I was born in 97.
I was born in 97.
God almighty!
Yeah.
This is not something you need to share with him.
No, yes, it is!
No, it's not!
This is my best friend!
You know, I've been your best friend for many years.
Why are you saying there is somebody else that's your best friend?
I'm your mother. I'm your best friend.
Mom!
Why is this guy friends with you?
He's my best friend!
Mom, don't say this in front of him!
He's using, he's using you.
No he's not.
He's just trying to get on camera.
No he's not!
*shrill* Yes he is!
We're best friends, we're genuine best friends.
He is not.
Mom! You don't understand me. Can you please leave? You don't understand me.
You drop this bomb on me?
*whilst mother cries* And then you want, can you please-?
Anthony: Get out, please!
Please.
Has this ever happened before? Like has- has someone ever...
...found out they were a different age than they thought?
I always thought that I was a nineties kid, but I guess not.
Maybe 2000s?
What do 2000s kids like?
They like space angels.
Are you? Is he in the shot?
You're in the shot, dude.
Am I?
Yeah.
Hey! I know what will make you feel better.
What?
I'll go grab you a beer.
Okay
No, no, don't don't don't don't don't don't don't
You're not old enough to drink.
*Melancholy music*
*Phone rings*
I- I need to turn myself in.
What are you doing?
I'm, I'm trying to, I'm trying to do the right thing.
I've been illegally drinking underage for the past nine years.
Oh man, you can't tell them that.
*mouthing words*
So, so this doesn't really sound like an emergency.
No, it- it is an emergency.
It's like 25 to life.
Hey, dude, if you're gonna go to prison, you need to exercise. Come on here.
Let me show you some...
Both: exercise for prison.
Yeah, yeah.
I, I have been drinking. It hasn't been legal. I thought that I was 21. No there isn't I'm just
No, it is an emergency, I'm tell- Are you gonna arrest me or not? Are you just gonna let me go? I mean...
...is this the kind of government that you're running right now?
This is all hogwash.
Let me help you in those.
Why did you hang up on it?
Those are, that's all a dream in your head!
What the f-? Can you drive me to the police station?
Are you sure you really want to do this?
Yes, yes, Tennessee. I have to.
Think about it.
I am thinking about it.
It's a fantasy.
No, it's not!
I'm just gonna be beating myself up everyday...
...if I don't have the proper punishment for this.
You don't have to worry about beating yourself up.
They're gonna put chains all over you those guys when they get their hands on you about five of them. Then they will start...
...pounding you, beating you up with their fists if you don't do exactly what they want.
They will infiltrate your brain, get you to do all kinds of other weird stuff.
Think about all the good times we won't have if you do this. We might be surfing at the beach.
You might...
...pick up girls at the beach
Yeah, and play volleyball with them.
Yeah, a dude tightrope walking at the beach.
Oh, man.
Bury ourselves under the sand up to our neck at the beach.
Oh
Bury hidden treasure there.
Find, find it. Find hidden treasure.
That's it!
I've got a metal detector. Some girls- we can get some girls. You can't find treasure without love.
You can find love at the beach?
Definitely. Those bodacious girls old bathing suits. Just think you'll never see a girl in a bathing suit.
I gotta do this, I gotta do this.
Anthony, Anthooonnyyy!
*Alarm rising*
You can't do it.
*falls*
*outro music*
*Foreboding music*