Hey, couldn't sleep last night.
I'd seriously consider tempur-pedic pillows,
changed my life.
Yeah.
Or are we talking non-pillow issues?
(clicks tongue)
Aye yo, wassup up ma?
I'm trynna Money Bunny 450 to my baby mom.
You see, I had a baby out of wedlock,
and now I'm financially responsible for my son, Maximilian.
(sniffles)
Millian for short.
Can I get you anything?
Water, coffee, tea-
Personal space.
(sirens ringing)
Yo, why you so close to me?
There's like five other seats!
Let's check your supply.
Breathalyzer?
Check.
Water bottle, sani-wipes?
Check and check.
Had to make some room on my belt.
Brought some of my own supplies.
Weird.
Don't worry coach.
Think of me as a human contraceptive.
(upbeat instrumental music)
(hair clipper buzzing)
(gasps)
You're dreaming.
It's just a really odd dream.
Okay, don't worry girl!
I gotcho back!
(sirens ringing)
From right here.
I'm riding the wave.
I'm bouncing, can I rub them down with sunscreen?
No!
No?
- No, no sunscreen. - Okay.
Baby oil, she likes to take risks.
Woo!
Who knew being a criminal mastermind
would be this easy, huh?
Wait.
Why are you so jumpy?
I'm not hiding anything.
I didn't say that you were.
Good, because I'm not.
I'm not hiding anything hidden or found
or finding anything found or hidden.
I'm living my best life out in the open.
I have no secrets.
Stop (gibberish) whoa!
Red light, safe word!
This is starting to sound like a secret.
Please don't tell me a secret.
I don't think it's a secret.
Okay.
(exhales)
You know, it's probably a secret.
Christ on a cracker woman I just told you not to tell me!
A bomb went off.
A bomb?
Yeah, but I wasn't the one who dropped it.
It was a metaphorical bomb but real, very real.
I'm still picking out the emotional shrapnel
And I, I will never, ever forget the smell of that sulfur.
I think I might have PTSD.
People-Telling-Me-Secrets Disorder!
The "Me" is silent.
Do you have pain?
- Mm. - Numbness?
Tingling? Radiation?
(gasps)
Could be carpal tunnel.
Chicken Pox, trigger finger, malaria,
(gasps)
Monse!
Okay, okay.
(heavy exhale)
(deep inhale)
Smell the flowers,
(heavy exhale)
blow out the candle.
(deep inhale)
Smell the flowers,
(heavy exhale)
blow out the candles.
(deep inhale)
(heavy exhale)
(animal squeal)
(loud shuffling)
(animal squeal)
What was that?
(banging)
(screaming)
I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die,
I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die!
(crowd cheering)
Go, go, oh, oh, oh, oh!
(whistle blowing)
Yeah!
(crowd cheering)
Yeah!
(grunts)
That was totally out of character!
(grunts)
What are you doing?
(sharp exhale)
I'm getting into character.
(sprays)
(exhales)
Jamal's not the biggest, fakest, liar ever.
Jamal is the real glue of our crew.
Thank you.
(snaps jacket)
We can proceed.
Dude's still down, but I think he's recovering.
I was singing Beat It, and his toes were twitching.
Why are you singing to him?
Studies show it's the second best way
to wake someone up from a coma.
What's the first?
You don't wanna know.
You gotta leave the cane at home, dude.
It's not a cane. It's a pimp stick.
Even worse.
Hey, do I crap on your accessories?
No.
Do I think necklaces are tacky on dudes?
Yes, but I keep that to myself.
So you keep doing you, with that tacky chain,
and I'm gonna roll with my pimp stick
that I need for my foot injury.
That isn't real.
The city go-bag is complete
with hand sanitizer and duct tape
to cover any and all motel peepholes.
The country bag has bug spray,
a confederate flag, and a harmonica, and-
Why?
Have you been to the country?
Touché.
Please tell me you have snacks in your purse.
Boo you know I do.
(sighs)
It's egg salad but, it's warm.
(funky hip hop music)
(groans)
Why are you eating that?
(chewing loudly)
For the greater good.
Yo, bitches be bonkers.
Are you kidding me!
I'm literally trying to tell you guys something!
Something important, something monumental!
Something that could probably, no scratch that,
positively will,
positively, change your lives.
And y'all keep interrupting me
like some dumb comedy run.
(snaps)
(gibberish)
(laughs)