-Oh hi, didn't see you there.
Oh wait, yes I did.
You didn't see me...
'cause I'm a ninja.
Every day I wake up, the first thing I do is work out.
I do strength, speed, and cardio.
[moans weekly]
For strength, I start with one-handed push-ups.
[moans weekly]
Strength!
For speed, well, have you ever seen a ninja move this fast?
Speed!
And one of the hardest exercises of my day
would have to be working on my cardio.
Yo, how much you want?
-$2,500.
-Deal!
-(both) Hooh!
-"Car deal."
A true ninja always takes the harder route
from point A to point B.
That is known as parkour
or as I like to say, "park our,"
because that's how I like to pronounce things,
I say it like how it's spelled.
I don't care if it sounds dum-b.
-Parkour, parkour
Is that a rock, I'll jump over it
Parkour, parkour
Walls can't contain my spider climb
Parkour, parkour
Is that a light post, move, light post
Parkour, parkour
Sometimes I'll just use the door.
-Being a ninja, I've been known to break things.
I can break anything.
I can break wood.
I can break bricks,
break branches,
break wind,
take a break,
break dance,
break cars,
brake cars,
break-fast,
and, of course, the most extreme of all, break-ups.
We need to talk.
-We are talking.
-I'm so sorry.
-No.
-Yes.
-But, is it another girl?
-No.
-Another guy?
-No.
-Then why?
-Well...
it's because...
because you're bleeding all over my carpet.
-What?
-Ninja quiz!
Everybody knows that a ninja has to be stealthy and use camouflage.
Can you find me here?
No, I'm not under the couch.
Not the lamp, not the table,
then where am I?
Boom! Wrong! I was the lamp.
In order to be a ninja,
you have to always have the art of surprise with you.
Last but not least, every single day,
I'm brought at least one mission from my ninja owl.
Thank you, Hedwig.
-Who, who the hell is Hedwig? My name is Pichu.
-Let's do this.
[dramatic music playing]
In the name of the broomstick gods, I summon thee.
[clattering]
-What the hell are you doing here?
-Oh, I think you know.
-Oh, I really don't.
-Okay.
[punching sound-effects]
When you're all out of options and ninja stars,
you know what to do.
That's right, remember?
The last thing you'd expect from a ninja is...
Ninja gun star!
[grunts]
Surprise.
Teehee!
-Why are you doing this to me?
-'Cause I was ordered to by ytf.
-They wanna kill me?
-No.
Just need to buy more cookies.
-Well, in that case,
let me get those thin mints,
I really like those, the way they just touch my mouth.
-By the name of the broomstick gods,
give me a sharper broom.
-They're not invisible, they're--[yells]