Do you want to know why people feel entitled? Well, you're not alone. There are many people who are
wondering why is there such an entitlement problem surrounding us these days. I'm Nicholeen Peck, I'm
a relationships and communications teacher. I teach self-government and train people on that
all over the world and in this video, we're talking about entitlement. Why do people have it?
Entitlement is actually a form of selfishness. It's an outward display of a person who is
feeling selfish on the inside. I know that's kind of bad news especially because so many people are
struggling with entitlement issues nowadays. In this video, what we're going to be talking about
is what key factors are making it so the entitlement is on the rise and maybe even
we'll share with you some things that you can do so that you don't fall into entitlement traps.
So, why are people experiencing so much entitlement? Well, there are many factors. There's no way in this
video that I'm going to be able to exhaust all of the reasons but some of the key reasons or
the main reasons are that it is promoted widely in society. So, we talk about people deserving all
of the time and we are so hyper focused on how we feel that we almost can't break out of that.
In fact, modern psychology has really led to this over emphasis on how a person is feeling
and there's this great untruth that is perpetuated across the world that a person has to follow their
feelings no matter what. So, if I feel like I want chocolate then automatically I think I deserve it
and someone better give it to me. If I feel like I need to sleep instead of go to work that day,
then I should feel entitled to have that, right? So, this is what is happening to people. They feel like,
"Well, since I have a feeling, I've got to follow it no matter what." So, it's a way of maybe preserving
a sort of a neutral feeling within themselves by gratifying every desire that they have.
In fact, this is a big problem so why do we think that we have to pacify every craving that a body
has? When did that become a thing. So, it used to always be that the most powerful people would know
that if I have a craving in my body, I check it and decide is this a good craving? Is it going to
lead to freedom? Is it going to lead to bonding, respect of others, good character, and if not,
should I even follow it? Maybe I have to put it off and tell that craving no. We don't do that anymore.
In fact, people act like they're in bondage if they don't get a follow through with every craving. This
is probably one of the biggest injustices that has happened to the human race in recent years because
we have taught the people that if they feel something, they have to follow it. So, when we're
pacifying every craving that our body has, whatever it happens to be, we act in ways sometimes that are
actually mean to other people. Some people think that they deserve certain treatment or deserve
certain things whenever they want them and this ends up leading them to abuse or mistreat other
people. In order to preserve a type of environment where a person does not fall into those traps,
they need to have boundaries. Boundaries are essentially "no" answers. So, in the teaching
Self-Government Parenting Course I talk about 4 basic skills that people need for success.
One of those skills is accepting "no" answers and criticism because accepting a criticism feels
a lot like accepting a "no" answer. When a person accepts a "no" answer, they look at the situation
or the person, they keep a calm face, voice and body then they say okay or they disagree appropriately
about that boundary or that "no" and then they drop the subject, which means they don't think about
it anymore. So, if a person is going to conquer their entitlement, what they need to do is they
absolutely need to learn how to accept "no" answers and then they'll find the power on the other side
of things, which leads them to self-mastery and truly being a person who can control
more of their outcomes and successes. This means that a person is embracing the concept of delayed
gratification. Delayed gratification is like a dying concept. People don't think they should have
to wait for anything anymore. In fact, think of it. We've got online shopping, pay it the pump,
everything, food delivered to your door whenever you want it. We don't even have to practice waiting
for anything. It's no wonder that we're doing a terrible job as a society at setting goals and
keeping them. We're just not, in fact, I hardly hear people talk about resolutions every year
anymore at the first of the year like it has been the practice for many many years and it's because
we don't even think in terms of goals as much anymore, we just get what we want when we want it
and then we move on to what we want next. Is this interesting to you? Are there other people who you
think might want to understand entitlement just a little bit more? Share this video with
them. Spread the goodness, spread the truth. Maybe we can conquer some of our entitlement problems
if we can share the truth about entitlement with more people. Another reason entitlement is such a
big problem nowadays is honestly because of our digital world. In fact, I don't know if you've
noticed for yourself but I've noticed for me that my attention span has decreased. I used to spend
entire days in a book and that was no problem and now because I look at my phone so often
and there's so many digital things happening around me, I have to tell myself to focus more on
the book if I'm going to read for an entire day. It seems like I have a harder time diving into some
of those things that require my attention because we're so distracted and diverted by all these
things that are grabbing at our attention all the time, we actually stop being patient. When a person
is not entitled, that means that they are a patient person. They're willing to wait, they're willing
to recognize the value of the other people around them, they're willing to seek to understand others
instead of just worrying about being heard all of the time. Do you realize that all of the activism
that's about "Being heard, being heard, what about me?" that all of that is just entitled behavior? That
it's not really good open civil discourse. It's not diplomacy, it's not good communication, it's forcing
on somebody. When a person is in a state of entitlement, they are forcing what they
want on somebody else. They're demanding it instead of trusting that good things come in time and that
it's okay to wait, it's okay to even maybe suffer and not have what you want for a minute. It's okay.
It builds good character and strong people. So, what can we do to not have problems with entitlement?
Well, I've already touched on one key thing which is to be able to accept "no" answers, that's huge.
But do you realize that we need to not only accept "no" answers from other people but we need
to accept the "no" answers from ourselves. We need to parent ourselves and correct ourselves. We've
got to analyze us. A person who's going to truly learn self-government is a person who is willing
to do the hard task of analyzing themselves, their own heart, their own reasons for making decisions
all the time and trying to fine-tune themselves to become the best version of them. So, when a person
is choosing not to be entitled or to overcome that entitlement, then they decide ahead of time
who ought I to become? What should my goals be for myself? And then they make a plan for those things
and then they take deliberate steps to follow the plan. Maybe the deliberate step is I've got
to give myself a "no" answer to chocolate or I have to give myself a "no" answer to sleeping in
or staying up late or whatever it is that seems to be your nemesis, your thing that you feel like you
deserve. Do you realize there is power on the other side of correcting yourself, of fixing yourself?
If you're a religious person, you know that one of the tenets of a religious society is repentance or
reform, right? Choosing to change yourself, to bring yourself into alignment with the principles that
you know are true. Well, when you are choosing to not be entitled like everybody else,
then you choose to reform yourself. I was talking with a friend the other day and he said, "One of
the best things I did was got completely off of social media. That saved so much of my time
and I started connecting in with my family so much more." This person has a lot of reason
to use social media. In fact, he has been using social media to grow his business
for years but he realized that what he needed to do was focus on the people around him more
and trust that his business could still grow even if he wasn't the presence on social media. What do
you need to give up? What do you need to sacrifice to become the best version of yourself? Only you
can answer that. You know where your weaknesses are. If you're willing to face them straight on,
then you probably can dodge that bullet of the entitlement trap. So many people, children, adults,
they are feeling entitled. In fact, I don't know how many parents have come to me and said,
"Nicholeen, I love what you teach but I mean, that feels like it's going to take so much of my time.
Isn't there some quick fix to make my kid just do what they're supposed to so they don't bug me
anymore?" And I'm thinking to myself, "Ah! Do you hear yourself Do you hear yourself say bug me? That all
this parenting stuff you think is just about you when in reality it's about who you are to them
and what they need and they need your correction in your direction and quick fixes are not the way
to principled living to a mighty change in a person's heart." Know if we want to truly have
satisfaction in life, we have to decide to conquer ourselves and that is the means to conquering
entitlement within ourselves and possibly even some of the people around us. If this video has
been interesting to you, I'm pretty sure you're gonna love my video. It's actually a full class
that I call the Expectation Trap vs. The Cycle for Success. So, do you realize that when you fall
into an expectation trap, you're actually falling into entitlement? Many people do not
know that so go ahead and listen to that class and hopefully I can help you change your expectations
into things that can propel you forward towards success instead of trap you time and time again.