Hey Everyone! It's finally Friday!
And I am so stuffed up I can't even sing
my song right. I clearly caught a cold
of some sort. And if you are in LA,
you've realized that the weather is very,
"Ehh!" It's very foggy and dreary and
"blaah" But anyway, it is Friday
and it's finally here, Yay!!
And hopefully many of you were able to hop
on to my, uh, live broadcast this morning
at 9am pacific standard time with Brianna.
She's over on the east coast and she was
wonderful enough to hop on with me and
tell me a little bit about her recovery
process, and she had a lot of great
insights. So, if you haven't watched it
yet or you weren't able to catch it live,
head to my Youtube channel and
check it out.
And without further ado, today I'm on
Facebook and many of you did what I told
you to do, you used my hashtag #KatiFAQ,
and at the beginning of your message
to me, you were like,
"Hey, Kati my question is "blah blah blah"
And so, I've answered your question.
And I have 4 questions here,
and my journal topic at the end.
So, I hope you enjoy.
Now, the first question is,
"When I'm with my therapist and she
mentions sex, I just can't speak.
I'm just too embarrassed about it.
Especially since I'm 20 and I've never
even had it, with a boy anyway, fully.
I just don't understand why I have to talk
about it. I hate it so much. Like, If I
asked her about her sex life she probably
wouldn't answer, right? Why do I have to
talk about it? Please answer me."
So, I'm not actually sure why she's
talking to you about it, I don't know if
you've had any sexual abuse in your past
um, but, it's interesting that it makes you
so uncomfortable. And that might be what
she's getting at. That's my best guess
as to why she brings it up. Um, it's not
to hear about your sex life, or if you're
having sex, or anything like that.
It's more about, um.. your response to it,
and why does it seem so embarassing
and everything, because as we get older,
and many of you may be able to recognize
this, and some of you may be younger,
and curious, and you do get anxious,
as we get older, we become more
comfortable with our sexuality, whether we
like boys, girls or all of the above.
Um, whether we're having sex, not having
sex, making out with boys, making out with
girls, whatever. Um, we're open to
talking about it, but it's kind of
a moot point. Like we don't really --
it doesn't make us embarassed it doesn't
stress us out. So my question that I would
ask your therapist is, um, why is it that
you keep bringing this up? and I'm sure
she'll say something to the effect of,
"I'm just curious why it makes you so
uncomfortable. She may wonder if you've
had abuse in your past, or anything like
that. So, I would definitely talk to her
and ask her a few questions. Okay?
Question number 2: "Hey Kati, my question
is, how do I cope with not seeing my
therapist anymore. Is it normal to grieve
the loss of the safe space in my life,
especially as my therapist used the
psycho-dynamic approach. It's making me
kind of depressed and I feel a bit creepy
for even missing her so much.
Is this normal?"
It's very normal. It's a relationship
unlike any other relationship we're going
to have, because it's so --we're so
vulnerable and it's our only safe place,
like you said, in this you said, um,
you know, the loss of the safe space.
And, because of that, it can actually, um,
kind of leave us feeling depressed and
at a loss for what to do because we don't
have another safe place. I would watch my
grief and grieving video, I talk about how
we go through the grieving process and
what we can do. Um, and, hopefully you've
moved on to another therapist, um often
when we have to terminate it's because
we're moving or something is changing,
um, hopefully you found another therapist
and I would talk with her about it and
what it meant for you. And I would take
the time, the most important and helpful
thing, I think, is appreciating what
you've learned through that relationship,
like, when you were seeing her, what were
you working on, and what have you learned?
Um, and then I would also write down
what you hope to learn from your new
therapist, so we can transition slowly
to that. Okay? I hope that helps.
I know it's really hard and it takes time,
and you're not creepy, just give yourself
time to grieve it, okay?
Number three: "What happens if our
therapist sees our arms and hands filled
with cuts? And if they're fresh cuts,
what would they do?"
Um, it's a big risk factor. As a therapist
we would debate and we would probably
talk to you about it, whether we should
tell your parents, whether we should
take you to the hospital, if I think the
cuts are fresh and I'm worried that
they're deep and that we may need
stitches, I'll make you go to the
hospital. Just because I want to make sure
that we don't cause other issues,
because of our self harm. I don't want you
to get infections, I don't want, um, you
to have any long term damage or anything
like that. So, that's my first concern
is your own personal safety. Um, also,
I'd want to know if any of those were
a suicide attempt, or if it was, um,
cutting I'd wanna know how often you
did it. It depends on how well I know my
patient, but I'd have a lot of questions.
And I know the main one you're worried
about is, "Are they gonna tell everybody?"
And they might. Just because we have to
get extra support and we wanna make sure
you're safe, and in order to do that,
we may need to take you to the hospital,
we may need to call your parents,
to assess that. Okay? I know it's scary,
but, like in my live broadcast
this morning, Brianna was like,
"If you need help, get it!"
And that's the truth. If you need help,
get it. I know it's scary, we're worried
about what's gonna happen, but, we already
know how bad it is, so it can only
get better, right? So please, please,
please get help.
Now, question number 4, my final question:
"Would you recommend Weight Watchers
for your binge eating disorder patients?
Why or why not?"
Um, I wouldn't. And.. for a couple reasons
First of all I know, okay, it's supposed
to help us lose weight or whatever,
but that's not the real reason,
that's the second thing, is that it's not
the real reason that we are overweight.
It's not about the food, it's not about
the bingeing. And Weight Watchers
will only cure the "weight problem,"
it doesn't cure your head problem, and
I think the fact that we're using food
as a coping skill is a much better place
to start. I would definitely have my
clients, if they were binge eaters
a lot of the times I'll have them keep
food journals where they write down
what they've eaten and how much
and we talk about, um, what had happened
earlier in the day, we kind of compare
the food journal to the regular journal
and we'll talk about what triggered it.
The same way I would any eating disorder
patient. Um.. I just feel like that's not
treating the whole person. It's just
treating a symptom of our disorder.
And so, I would urge you to not, and to
see a nutritionist or a dietitian,
and a therapist. Um, and if you're, I know
in this particular case her therapist had
recommended it. Um.. you may want to look
for another one. I know that sounds bad
and I'm not saying your therapist is
terrible or doesn't know what they're
doing, but I'm just saying that for your
case in particular, um, binge eating isn't
about the food and I want you to have
a therapist that understands that and
knows that it's more about the
coping skills, and the lack of other
coping skills, and that's the reason
that we're doing it. Okay?
So, I would say no.
And the journal topic, [Drum roll]!
Who are the people in your life
that support and help you grow?
In my live broadcast this morning,
we talked about toxic friends and people
who can be really hurtful and traumatize
us, um, and how much better it is to have
friends that are supportive and loving.
And I want you to take a little time,
cuz it's Friday and we're gonna have
a wonderful weekend ahead of us, and
I think it'd be great to have some
positive reflection for today, and I want
you to think about those people who are
there for you, who love you, who support
you, and I want you to um -- I'm just
reading my notes here so I don't forget
anything. I want you to think about how
you can help those relationships continue
to grow, uh, what it is that's so
wonderful about those people, and how
other people in our lives may have other
things that we, um, appreciate and
how it works. I just want you to spend
some time thinking about how fortunate
and lucky you are to have people
in your life who love you and support you.
And what we can do to make those
relationships stronger. Because we all
deserve to have friends and family, um
and any kind of loved one, there,
supportive, loving, and around for the
long haul, right? It's wonderful to have
people in our lives who are always
supportive and always loving so,
take a little time and think about that.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend;
I'll be back on Monday with my regularly
scheduled video, and then I'll see you
on Q&A, on Tuesday, and that's on Tumblr,
so make sure to ask your questions on
there. And I will see you all then.
Love you all. Bye!
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